Sleeping Meadows That which plucks the thorn

6/14 early morning. AW!

Clouse had left them and now it appeared Lana had, too. Llinnea hadn't seen the woman in some time now... it seemed it was back down to just her and @Loach , and @Claw , she supposed. Maybe he would go too and it would be back to how it was for oh-so-short a time, her and Loach against the world.

It was warm again, bringing her back to the season of her puppyhood. She expected the water to dry up again, watched the river for signs of slowing every day, but it didn't seem to be changing, other than raging higher for spring. The fish were still good, and the plants were lush. Cover for hiding, both for her and the prey. Llinnea found she had a harder time hunting successfully, other than fish. She was getting good with fish.

Today however she wandered off, going a little further than she had in a while. It was early; early enough that tendrils of mist still clung low to the ground in some places. Sometimes Llinnea imagined she could see an ominous shape, or perhaps a friendly one, and then shook it off. She smelled nothing, and she didn't care if Clouse and Lana never came back anyway.

Currently traveling with Loach and Claw

Although his spirits had been lifted by time spent with @Claw he still felt a harsh sting at the sudden distance of Llinnea. She hardly seemed the kind to wander off into the distance and all of his anxious manifestations said she was going to leave too.

So he stalked after her into the early morning, the fog and mist dampened his presence behind her. Maybe it was unwarranted to seem so silent in his approach with her. Yet he had only wanted to see how far she would go.

Maybe she missed wherever she had left. Maybe the time before him meant more than the time with him.

He'd never blame her, but it'd hurt all the same.

There was an underbelly of relief to this panicked thinking when she seemed to slow in the meadows. A place he had found and had met Ve at. How sweeter the field smelled this time of year than it had then. Maybe she was only curious and had no intentions of fleeing.

Kinda pretty, ain't it? He drawled out slowly, tested the waters with his presence once more.

She hadn't heard him follow her. No scent, no sound, and she didn't see him even as she scanned around herself. She jumped when he spoke, startling her out of her brooding, and she glared at him - but only for a moment. All of her frustration bled out of her and she fell back into a sort of numb as she looked out over the meadow, still shadowed in the blues of dawn and obscured by mist. It was rather pretty. She nodded and looked back at him and offered a small smile.

Everyone else had left, but he was still here. He hadn't left her.

She paced back to stand beside him and leaned into him, enjoying his warmth in the cool morning. She'd been so cold towards him lately, and here she was moping about it anyway.

She really was a mess, wasn't she.

Llinnea looked up at her protector and friend, then back to her feet. "I do not... know how to feel." she quietly admitted.

Currently traveling with Loach and Claw

She leaned into him and he settled himself down into a seated position. Prepared to be a bit more stable for the moment, offer a sturdy shoulder.

Her words hardly felt odd when it seemed they all danced around the absences in their lives.

Wanna start with what yer thinkin'? His voice stayed soft, perhaps a touch casual. Not prepared to pressure her into any sort of emotional divulgence. Maybe she wanted to keep those thoughts. Maybe she held grand, terrible news that would shatter him.

Yet he steadied himself too now. Prepared to hear whatever words might escape her, if she let them.

Loach sat, as always offering stability for the girl. She'd had stability at the Backwater, for a time, but she'd been born a guest and left a burden. She'd left her bror behind. She'd left her mor's body. She'd left Archer and the others who'd helped her. But she didn't want to leave Loach, no matter how frustrated she might grow with the others around them. She wanted it to be just them - just them wouldn't hurt when someone left. Not that she was hurting, mind. She didn't care.

He invited her to speak and Llinnea had to think about her words. Sometimes translating in her head was difficult... but it was growing easier. Sometimes she wondered if there would come a day where she couldn't remember the words of her mor's tongue instead. "I do not want you to leave, like they did. I like our home. I do not want to be alone, but I do not know how to... how do you say? Be? When I feel."

But she wasn't feeling much of anything, really.

Currently traveling with Loach and Claw

Like they had.

Clouse wasn't gone forever, Loach internally reminded himself. Lana was...well, maybe she was gone for good. As far as he knew. Yet still that had cut the group real good with two missing adults. It meant just him and Ve were experienced. Well, between himself and the fish? Ve hardly seemed the experienced kind either.

So maybe only Loach stood stable. If he could be called that these days.

I ain't leavin'. His voice hushed in volume even if it still held its gruff tones by nature. I dun think Claw or Ve will either but...if they do, ya always got me, cubbin'.

Did his father look upon him now from somewhere above? Did his mother feel pride miles and miles away that her thoughtfulness had not been fully lost on him?

Linny was his cubbin' as far as he was concerned. Even if she one day flew back home or found a better family elsewhere. He'd never forget their lessons or their time spent.

Llinnea peeked up again at Loach as he spoke. She could help but feel a little lost, even though she knew exactly where she was. She missed so many others... Asmund, Archer, her Mor. Even the grouchy pups she'd grown up with. She missed the Backwater, and maybe that's why she liked it here at the river so much. It was a little piece of the home she'd known, if a bit quieter.

She even felt safer here, even though there were fewer wolves to protect her.

And here she was, cycling over the same thoughts again and again and again. She leaned harder into Loach's side. "Okay," she said, for lack of anything else. There was a lot to that okay; acceptance, affection, relief, and a promise of her own. She wasn't going to run away from here, not like she had her birthplace. He wouldn't drive her out again.

Currently traveling with Loach and Claw

Okay.

He wished that there might have been more said or done, but he felt he understood. Sometimes things could only be just okay. Not great nor terrible. They simply were.

He just wished he had more to give her, more to ground her among them.

Yet clearly nothing he had ever seemed to be enough to keep those he cared for around for long.

He supposed he just ought to enjoy their company for however long they stuck around for.

Llinnea hoped Loach understood. She thought she did, the way he was looking at her, and that would have to be good enough. Even though she'd spoken more of this language than her own recently, she didn't feel she had the right words. She didn't know them. Maybe if she tried her own she wouldn't know them either. She felt stuck, speaking a little of both but not all of either. Her Mor had died while they were still learning to speak, and now she was the only one who knew its pathways... especially since Clouse left. She'd never even tried practicing with him.

The yearling turned and tucked her face into Loach's side. It was the only way she felt she could be closer to him, given she was already leaned on him. Her mor had told her about a far, and how she and Asmund didn't have one. She didn't truly have a concept of what it was, what it might be like.

A dad on the other hand... she'd seen @Viorel with his children, how he'd loved Archer and Eros and his girls - even if her agemates had been a bit mean. She saw how much the Valle wolves loved their dad. There was care and teaching and protection - like Viorel had protected them when their mor had been killed.

Llinnea didn't know what it was like to have a far but she was pretty sure that now, she at least had a dad.

Currently traveling with Loach and Claw

The silence was easier, he decided. Easier with how she leaned in close and he did not budge away from it. How very few had tucked against him like this.

So he would not ruin it with words.

Instead he only allowed them both this moment. Orange gaze fixed out onto the field. He tried his best not to think about what it would be like when she grew up more, when she would eventually one day (for he could imagine no other way) outgrow him. Or when he might outgrow her in his old age and how it would hurt them both.

He tried his best.

His best would never feel enough though, even when others found it to be.