Brave New World

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It was such a small world. First dark, and then dim, with soft, black shadows that smelled like home and loved them. Yes, it was a small world and it was about to get bigger. Jessamy and Sari had been growing and their world tightened around them, and the pair wanted to know what was in the light that kept swallowing the shadows that were their parents.

They spent most of the morning jostling each other, poking toward the light and willing the other to go first. Finally Sari was the one to be brave and begin the crawl toward the light, but Jessamy was occupied by her mother trying to cajole her into eating. She hadn't wanted to eat, she wanted to explore! She had let out an angry squeak at the unfairness of it and suddenly her mother was gone, tearing after Sari.

Her sister did not return, and Jessamy was left confused and alone. Where was her twin? Why were her parents so sad? Maybe the big light wasn't so exciting... but Sam had to know. She needed to find her sister. She was so bored without another to scuffle with in the softness of the den.

And so, when her mother was absent from the den, the pup slowly poked her nose into the light, and then crawled into the day.

The world was so big, and Jessamy looked about her in wonder. How was she supposed to find Sari in this? The pup was quickly distracted by fluttering leaves and, fascinated, she bounced off to investigate.

(This post was last modified: May 28, 2024, 01:12 PM by Jessamy.)

Grief had coursed through her as she continued to watch over Jessamy. It had resulted in her hovering, perhaps even too much. She had only stepped out for a moment, to a stream near the den in order to get a drink before she turned around. She was afraid to leave Jessamy unattended for long, suffering much of the blame for Sari’s death. It was a pain that would haunt her for the rest of her life, knowing that she had failed her… that in many ways she had failed all of her children. She’d bear the weight of that silently, letting it dwell in her mind.

She’d failed Magg when the girl had lost her leg, Kateri when her child had passed, Sari at less than a month for not keeping a close enough eye. The weight of being a horrible mother stung. Perhaps she should have never bore children at all.

Her heart raced and there was a panic when she returned to find Jessamy outside of the den, her eyes immediately scanning the skies for the wretched hawk that had already taken one of the twins, moving to hover closely as she nosed her back towards the den, aiming to cover her with her body. “Back inside, Jessamy. It’s not safe out here.”

Aquene Slayer

Jessamy was just getting to investigate these green fluttering mysteries when suddenly the shadow of her mother was over her, herding her back towards the den. Jessamy squeaked indignantly, trying to duck around the black legs and get back at the leaves. She wanted to play with them! They were just asking to be pounced on!

She didn't want to go back inside. She'd only just gotten out! How could she go back inside that small little place when she now knew what waited out here? She didn't know what her mother meant; anywhere that she was, was safe, right? Mother could protect her. Sammy didn't know where Sari was, but she must be having fun! It wasn't fair that she got to be out here, playing, while Jessamy was locked inside.

The loss of his daughter stung like fresh gouges taken from deep inside him. In all the fights he'd been in, all the wounds he'd sustained, nothing hurt quite like this. His body ached from his fall and extended tumble, his heart ached from the death of his mother, and now he simply burned with Sari's loss. It never should have happened, she shouldn't have been out... he should have been faster.

He returned to check on Aquene and Jessamy often. His wife was taking it even harder than he was, blaming herself for allowing Sari to sneak past her. Nash didn't put her at fault. She was caring for two young pups who were, obviously, growing restless within the den. Sari had snuck out. It was as simple as that. The mountain was dangerous.

Cursed.

He heard Aquene's voice and am angry squeak and as he approached Nash saw Jessamy ducking between her mother's legs as the latter tried to herd her back into the den. His chest tightened in fear, scanning the skies, but he recognized the futility in his wife's attempts. "Aquene," he said gently, coming up beside the pair, "it's time for her to come out."

They couldn't keep her locked away forever.

Pain radiated from her chest to hear her daughter’s angry squeaks towards her but she kept her course. Even after Nash arrived, attempting to coo her gently into submission, she was shaking her head in protest and continuing to try and guide her daughter back inside. “No. Just one more day.” Except she knew herself too well… she knew one more day would turn to two, would turn to a week, a month, and then Jessamy will have missed a year of her life without truly knowing the outside world. But in her grief, Aquene knew it was the only way for her to stay truly safe from the predators that lingered in the sky above.

Even if they tried to charge the den, Aquene would be able to take them out and keep Sam safe before she was taken like her sister. What if they had already gotten a taste for wolf and would circle back trying to get her. “She’s too young. I can’t.” She choked on each sentence, as if it was never fully complete and she could hear her pulse in her ears. She had already failed them all.

She could not fail Jessamy further.

Aquene Slayer

To Jessamy's delight, her father arrived. Distracted from her protests, the girl's wriggling changed so she could dash to her dad's side and bounce at his feet, yipping to demand his attention. He spoke to her mother, voice gentle, and Sam excitedly twisted around, waiting for her response. If dad wanted her to be able to explore, then surely mom would let her? With both of them here, nothing could happen to her! She was the safest she could possibly be.

But no, mother continued trying to herd her back, and Sam's protests resumed, staring pleadingly up at her dad for help. She didn't want to go back inside! There was so much out here to see! She wanted to investigate the moving things, dig in the dirt, maybe get her teeth into something! She didn't want to keep hiding in the dark!

Nash couldn't say he was surprised with Aquene's reluctance to acquiesce and let their youngest explore. His fur prickled with discomfort, his eyes kept darting to the sky, to the shadows,  to the branches; anywhere danger might lurk to take another child from him. But even in his anxiety, in his grief, he knew it wasn't reasonable - wasn't fair - to keep her locked up forever. He dipped down to kiss her crown when she bounced at his feet, only for her to be nudged away again.

"Aquene," he said again, voice still gentle but he wanted her to look at him. "She will always be too young. We can't..." he took a deep breath, trying to swallow down the lump that had risen in his throat. He stepped forward and hooked his head over her neck in an embrace. "We can't keep Sam buried in the den just because we couldn't bury Sari." The words hurt, twisting like thorns in his throat as he said them, but as much as he couldn't bear to lose Jessamy, he couldn't bear to keep her trapped beneath the earth either.

(This post was last modified: Jun 23, 2024, 07:50 PM by Nash.)

Pain ached in her chest as her husband reminded her that she couldn’t protect her forever. He attempted to embrace her but she found herself pulling away as the anxiety gripped her chest, tears threatening to spill over as her voice cracked again, her head shaking from side to side. “No. nonono.” All she could remember was the moment of terror on her daughter’s face just before she got out of eyesight, high enough that she couldn’t see her eyes.

“I won’t bury another child, Nash. I won’t grieve another child.” She would not consent to the mountain taking someone else from them… from the cruel reality of life for taking another so young. “I can’t do it.” The past few years had nearly broken her.

But if she lost again, it would surely destroy her. And once again, with one final effort, she’d continue to try and guide Jessamy back into the den.

Aquene Slayer

Jessamy didn't understand what they were talking about, but they were upset. She was too little to care overmuch; she just wanted to be outside and explore. Her dad said Sari's name, and that finally caught Sam's attention, as she turned interested eyes up toward him. She didn't know what 'bury' or 'grieve' meant but it obviously meant something bad, by their tones. Dad was trying to talk mom into letting her stay out, though, so that meant he was on her side. She wiggled toward him, still trying to dodge around her mother's insistent movements.

Only, something about the way her mom's voice broke made Sam pause. She still wanted to explore, still wanted to see what all this fuss was about, but she looked up into mom's face and didn't like that she was sad. Sam could understand sad. "Mamamama," she babbled quietly, leaning against her front leg. She didn't have the words to ask what was so wrong, didn't have the experience to understand what she'd done to upset her so, but she was beginning to realize she <i>had</i> done something to cause this current mood, and her eyes welled with tears. She didn't want to upset her parents!

Nash looked between his wife, whom he loved more than anything, and his daughter, wanting to explore the world for the first time. This was supposed to be a happy occasion, a moment of celebration, that had now been spoiled by grief. His instincts warred with themselves, the one to make his wife happy, to make her feel secure and supported, and the one to both protect and nourish his child. Keeping her locked up in the den was not nourishment.

As Jessamy's eyes filled with tears and she stopped fighting, babbling to her mother, Nash sighed. Now was not the time for this discussion, in front of the child in question. Sam was too young to understand the struggle - just that there was a struggle and she was caught in the middle of it. "Go back inside, sweetheart," he said softly to the pup, gently nudging her with his nose and hoping she didn't try to resist again. They could try again tomorrow.