Of course her plan backfired. Her words did not affect Kinis the way she would've wished, a good humored joke. Just perfect. The wolf gave a little cough-splutter and his eyes looked more embarrassed and hurt than they had been moments ago. Nice job, Makita. she told herself mentally, her eyes moving to Kinis. "Hey, it's okay." she murmured, and she meant it. "I'm fine now." Makita would've scooted closer and tried to comfort the male if it were the right thing to do, but it wasn't. She didn't want to ruin his pride. "I wouldn't have helped against a bear if I were in that situation either. No hard feelings, honestly." she rested her head on her paws, giving him a genuinely forgiving glance. It wasn't his fault and not a cell in her body blamed him. |
<blockquote>Her offer of forgiveness seemed perfectly genuine, but Kinis was reluctant to accept it. As much as it may have made him feel better to know that she bore no ill-ease towards him, all he had to do was look at her wounded body and <i>know</i> that he was partially at fault. She may have forgiven him, but he had not forgiven himself. He had not come all the way up here to be relieved of his guilt so easily.
He made himself a promise that he would only feel happy once he knew that he would never be that coward again.
For the meantime, however, her kind words made the encounter easier. He could relax, if temporarily, and smiled softly in response to her forgiveness. He did not mean to cause her discomfort because of his discomfort! No, no, if it was within his power, he would never harm her again, directly or indirectly. Settling into the conversation anew, the boy listened politely as she spoke, hinting at a longer story with her comment about a 'friend' no longer present and going on to soberly explain what a twister was. In the case of the latter, well, they sounded horrific. His aghast expression as she described being <i>sucked into one</i> effortlessly conveyed his feelings on that matter. <b>"Wow, I... I won't."</b> Having never been personally assaulted by mother nature before (well, except when it was his own fault... thoughts of the fire that had taken his parents were forcefully pushed) he could only offer one parallel from his own life. <b>"My parents, um... it was a forest fire. I don't remember much; I was pretty young, too. I guess sometimes things happen to people that, well, that don't seem to make any sense, huh?"</b> And a bear attack was almost tame in comparison! - though Kinis hardly had the guts to make such a poor joke out loud. He felt sombre enough casually discussing his parents' demise like this, but she had shared her unpleasant 'secret', so he felt obliged - nay, content - to do the same.</blockquote>
<i>at least... that's where I'm supposed to be...</i></center>
At Makita's gentle forgiveness, Kinis' eyes seemed to cloud and he seemed pained. Obviously, he wasn't going to accept the apology. The gesture reminded her of her meeting with Angier, who had reacted the same way to the situation; stuttering, unforgiving of himself, sorry. Really, Makita was just happy to be alive and wasn't going to hold the fact that he didn't help against him. If Makita found herself staring at a stranger being attacked by a bear, she would've run, too. |
Boy, Kinis hoped that number was small, or he would feel awful.
His head tilted slightly as he watched Makita speak. It sounded like her family had a lot of interesting sayings. Having little similarity in that area, Kinis wasn't entirely how to respond to her question; should he just say 'yes' to make her feel better? But wait, weren't those phrases kinda negative? They both implied that bad things were going to happen if you wanted anything good as well, which was a sad way of looking at life. His eyes focused on an indistinct point beyond her as he thought about that, because he wasn't really sure what to think. <i>Were</i> they pessimistic, or were they actually the opposite?
<b>"I don't really believe in any kind of reason,"</b> he admitted, choosing to just be honest. It would be nice if life was poetic and made sense, but heck, it didn't. <b>"Bad things happen and good things happen... it's nice to think that there might be some kinda moderation, some, some balance, but what if your life is great and nothing ever goes wrong? What, you've gotta wait for the big bad moment when it all comes crashing down just because you had it good? I think we gotta look at things our own way, and if something we don't like goes down, well, we have to deal with it... and get stronger so it doesn't happen again."</b>
<i>Just like bears.</i> A little surprised at himself at the speech - it wasn't really like him to <i>answer</i> a question so thoroughly - he smiled serenely at her, content with his point of view and curious to see what she would make of it.</blockquote>
<i>at least... that's where I'm supposed to be...</i></center>
Makita's calm golden eyes blinked innocently as she glanced at Kinis, waiting for his reply. Her family, the Kokki's, had been wise and gentle. Many times Makita had thought about these quotes. They were quotes like the ones she had shared with Kinis - quotes she hadn't ever shared with anyone else besides her family. |
<i>Maybe the good is to take our minds off of the bad.</i> Was it just him, or did all that sound really negative? He didn't want to think that life's happy moments were only so he could forget about the sad times. Was that really how it all worked? <b>"I'd rather have the bad stuff to remind me to appreciate the good times more. I don't like to think that we're, uh, <i>obligated</i> to have bad experiences. It makes me feel... edgy."</b> Like you always needed to look over your shoulder.
<b>"I gotta admit, I've never really thought about any of this stuff. You know, whether... there's any reason to it all."</b> Could it be coincidence that this conversation shortly followed a rather less pleasant one with a highly devout wolf? Even though the boy wasn't entirely aware of the connections, he did faintly wonder whether he should seek out that shouty male in the future. <b>"Does it... does it make it easier, to believe that there is?"</b></blockquote>
<i>at least... that's where I'm supposed to be...</i></center>
Makita then let her mouth fall closed after she was finished speaking, her golden eyes watched Kinis in an oddly comfortable way. She really hadn't imagined she would be comfortable with the young wolf, but she was. The small tawny wolf was eager to see what Kinis made of her words, her ears perked happily at the top of her tiny brown head. |
<b>"You do,"</b> he reassured her gently, smiling in spite of himself. <b>"I guess I'm just the opposite. I was too young when my parents... too young to really hope for anything else, or have any great expectations. But, recently, I, uh - I made a big mistake, and... well, you could say I lost my family too. I mean, most of them had already gone - the water was missing back then - but..."</b> Was he saying too much? He hadn't really talked about this before, but their flow of conversation made it feel so natural, damnit, and it was almost therapeutic. Who would have thought that the young, lively girl would be so easy to confide in? <b>"I made a mistake, and instead of hoping for a good thing, I just kept expecting a... a bad thing."</b> <i>I mean, I deserved it.
... Deserve it?</i>
Shrugging it off, he shook his head to clear his thoughts and looked back at Makita, his smile returned, and he tried not to get too bogged down by concerns of the past. That's why he was here, after all, to make amends and became a better, stronger person - not to dwell and lose himself in guilt and disappointment. <b>"Makita,"</b> he said thoughtfully, his gaze returning to Relic Lore, <b>"do you think we can change if, if we <i>want</i> it enough?"</b></blockquote>
<i>at least... that's where I'm supposed to be...</i></center>
Makita was sure that the other didn't see it the way she did, or at least she assumed. She realized that they were 2 different individuals and accepted that easily. Truthfully, she'd accept anything to keep the dream - like feeling of sitting here, staring out along the mountainside while she chatted with a new friend; a new friend whom she was really starting to like more with every word that came out of his usually silent (as she observed before) dark lips. |
<b>"I think you're doing a decent job of it,"</b> he chuckled, in response to her 'making sense' comment. <b>"I don't think, y'know, these things are supposed to be easy to understand... or to be understandable at all."</b> For a boy who loved questions and answers, that was a fairly profound statement, particularly when he knew that he didn't mind. He shrugged. <b>"I don't reckon I much want to know, either. It's..."</b> He laughed again, in spite of himself - and mostly at himself. <b>"It's messing with my mind, that's what it is."</b>
Her soft, thoughtful response to his final question did great things to his morale. Though he doubted she knew what his motivations had been for asking - though perhaps she suspected - he appreciated that she had taken her time to answer. The fact that she believed that one could change was uplifting, and his mood shifted slightly to accommodate it. He offered no explanation for it, nor expanded on her response, for it was what it was and he felt no need to hover over it. It would give him plenty to contemplate over the next few days (weeks, months), for certain, but for now?
For now, with a small, content smile in place, Kinis dropped down from his sitting position to lay companionably with the girl who had turned out to be very pleasant company. If she wanted to continue talking, he was happy with that, but if not - well, if not, he was satisfied to lay here, enjoy her presence, and bask in the glorious view that dominated life up here. She was lucky indeed, isolated pockets of unhappiness aside. </blockquote>
<i>at least... that's where I'm supposed to be...</i></center>