I won't stay small forever
Featuring Draven's RE: "Draven, take shelter! A sudden thunderstorm is about to roll your way." Click here for set music. Backdated 9/26, mid afternoon; let me know if the date needs fixing.
The days were blurring by around him. The piercing, icy grief from that night had at least thawed somewhat, turned into something a little easier to bear than the stabbing ache in his chest. Things weren't any better; they were just a new kind of normal. Everything was dark, now. Nothing made sense anymore, and he didn't really notice his pack mates going or coming. He only paid attention to whether @Kino or @Ari were near, and only so that he could make himself not be near them if they were. The nights were cold and the sunlight was dim and dreary during the days. He didn't even really know who he could talk to anymore. Would anybody want to listen? It had been made awfully clear that his grief made everybody else feel worse. He hated Kino for saying it and Ari for agreeing, but had they been wrong? He remembered things weird from that night. Had he started crying first? When had he seen tears on Calanthe's face? Had there been sadness in... in the black behemoth's voice when he called everyone to Minka's side?
He didn't know. Probably they were right, and he was bad for feeling anything. He should have stayed shut up so that he didn't bother anybody. He was bad because he had cried. He was bad because he had made other people hurt when maybe they wouldn't have otherwise. Maybe they weren't sad about Minka at all, because maybe that wasn't how normal wolves reacted to dying. Maybe they were really just upset because Draven had made such a big, unnecessary fuss over nothing. Death happened, didn't it? Minka told them it had happened to his father, Tokino. Maybe death happening so much meant that only weak, stupid people ever got sad about someone they knew being dead. It made sense when he thought of it that way. Maybe Kino and Ari were better than him that way, and maybe he shouldn't have felt anything at all about seeing--
The sky seemed to growl at him, and for the first time in... forever, he guessed... Draven looked up, just in time for a big, fat raindrop to hit him on his nose. There were thick, dark, ugly clouds overhead, and off in the distance he thought he saw some of them light up for a split second. Black ears flattened against his head, but that was mostly just on reflex, probably. He wasn't afraid of any dumb storms. They couldn't wash away what had happened. They couldn't wash away the hurting, or make him be somebody who didn't hurt other people by feeling things. All the storm could do was maybe wash dumb little Draven away, and maybe that was a good thing, because according to two of the wolves who probably knew him best he was useless and selfish anyway. So probably nobody wanted him, and he should just sit here and see if the storm would prove that by making him go away so that everybody else could be happy again without him around to upset them.