Pasos al Cielo If we go down, we go down together

 @Reyes takes place post 

Askan didn't know what to make of this situation. He knew that he'd encouraged Reyes to challenge Icicle so he could take his position, but he never-not even once- thought it would have ended like this. That he'd get defeated by him, by a feeble, stinking excuse for a wolf. It was nonsensical, even now as Askan followed Reyes' paw prints in the snow, he couldn't quite believe it. This had to be a bad dream, any moment now he'd jerk awake and Reyes would snap at him and tell him to stop wriggling about. But no, Askan closed his eyes time and time again and whenever he opened them the scene was still the same. All there was to see were the snow coated slopes of- what had Reyes called it again? Pasos al Cielo?

The last time he'd been there, Askan hadn't exactly been in the best state.  At the time the inclines seemed like mountains and every step he took was on wobbling legs. But now he was strong and able to gallop up the hills with ease, just as Reyes had all those days ago. Gods, it felt like an eternity at this point, like they'd known each other forever. He had to remind himself that he hadn't, which felt a little unpleasant to say the least...But there were more pressing matters at hand.

Pacing up the familiar track, Askan followed the line of paw prints till they came to an end, just outside their little den. He couldn't see Reyes, as he was hidden in by the shadows, but the Selwyn could certainly smell him and the blood that oozed from his opened wound. Another thing to resent Icicle for. What sort of shit caused wounds like that during a rank challenge? A fucking idiot, that's who.

Askan sighed, steeling himself to speak. He had no idea what to say, but he had to try right? He had to say something.

"Reyes? Can I come in?" His words were met with silence, so he tried again, firmer this time. "Don't ignore me, I just want to talk."

(This post was last modified: Mar 02, 2017, 10:19 PM by Askan.)

Reyes had hoped for a dream, too – some sort of fucking nightmare running on far too long. He’d wake up, shivering and covered in snow. There wouldn’t be a lost yearling looking for his missing friend. There wouldn’t be a handsome stranger stranded on an ice pack, it wouldn’t lead to a pack, and that wouldn’t result in possibly the most humiliating moment in his entire life. What would his sisters think? What would his mother think? He might have been a mistake, but the woman hadn’t raised him to be a fuckin’ two-bit loser.

The wolf huffed quietly and curled up further on himself, ignoring the constant stream of blood still slithering down from between his shoulder blades. He’d never reach it. Quite frankly, he didn’t care. Deserved the crust on his side, the ache in his paw, for being such a fucking idiot, and—

Askan’s voice broke the train of thought. He gave himself a small shake, ears laying flat against his skull. His tongue flicked against his teeth. He did not want to talk. He did not want to see anyone. This was Askan’s stupid fucking idea in the first place. Was this his plan all along? Did he actually think highly of Reyes at all? The conversation predating the rank challenged filtered through his thoughts and he huffed, dropping his chin onto his paws. “So talk.”

So that was a no then. Fine, Askan could stand outside if need be. He wasn't so tired that he needed to rest. He honestly just wanted to get this out of the way and clear the air. But knowing his luck and Reyes' temper, it wasn't going to be an easy task. It was going to be an uphill battle in which he had to use tooth and claw, and everything else he had at his disposal. Fine, so be it. Askan wasn't one to hide from adversity. He could do this, couldn't he? Ah shit, he wasn't so sure the longer he thought about it.

Puffing out a sigh, Askan remained in place and began to speak.

"I don't know what to say honestly...This is not how I thought things would go. I wanted you to win, I wanted you to take his place. You deserve it more than he does! I mean it." He frowned, going over his words in his head.  It sounded like he was grovelling. Shit, not what he was going for. "I saw the blood and... You two took it too far, this...Wasn't what I had in mind."

Askan sighed again and pawed at his face, as if it would help. It didn't. At all. What could he say to make this right? Was this really his fault? How much damage had he done? How angry was Drestig? He wouldn't kick him out, would he? Surely not, even the Old Man wouldn't be as callous to do that now, in winter no less! Maybe if he spoke to the Rye King, told him what had really happened, maybe then he'd be more amiable, more willing to listen. It was all too much, too stressful. The Selwyn just wanted to pace back and forth, to leave tracks in the snow but he didn't allow himself. He stood statue still and waited for whatever biting response Reyes, no doubt, had in store.

And again, Askan couldn't help but feel as though he deserved them. Maybe he should never have said anything in the first place, or better yet never even asked him to join his pack. All because he was selfish, because he wanted an excuse to spend more time with him. Stupid stupid stupid. It would have probably been easier for Reyes if he'd just left him to drown. Sometimes, in the quieter moments, Askan wished he had, prayed that he was dead and out of his hellhole.

"Are...You okay, your neck, it was bleeding."

 

(This post was last modified: Mar 03, 2017, 12:02 AM by Askan.)

“You two?” Reyes snarled, head jerking up for where he sulked.  His wound gave a sharp ache, a fresh rush of blood blossoming in his dark fur as he twisted, staring at the shape towards the entrance of his small den.  “Don’t--  Just don’t, pendejo.  You suggested it – if you wanted certain rules to be followed, you should have said something.  I ain’t a goddamn mindreader.”

I ain’t a goddamn pack wolf, either, the man didn’t say, lips wrinkling around white teeth.  But the snarl never came, and he had little else to say, heart pounding in his chest as he willed the beta to just go the fuck away.  Excuses, more excuses.  Reyes wasn’t the one who drew blood – not even when Icicle had ripped the top of his neck open.  And while he had fancied the idea of being closer to Askan in rank, he might have waited a little longer.  Sure, he was the one who threw down the gauntlet, but the beta couldn’t claim total innocence on this one.

Eventually, the other wolf spoke back up, and Reyes was forced to acknowledge him again. “It’s fine,” he grunted, even as blood continued to run down his shoulder and matt his fur.  He could clean some of it.  The rest of it…he supposed he didn’t particularly care.  He wasn’t interested in spending any time with other members of Wild Rye Fields any time in the near future, either. “It’ll heal.  Eventually.”

He huffed.  “You gonna keep scolding me, cabrón?  Because I’m a grown ass wolf.  I don’t need someone else to tell me when I fucked up.”

[/i]

(This post was last modified: Mar 03, 2017, 04:41 PM by Kyna.)

Reyes was right to blame him, but even so Askan struggled to find words to defend himself with. Perhaps if he'd said things a little differently there would have been a better outcome. The Selwyn had no intention of laying the blame at the delta's feet, but the way he'd behaved earlier clearly made it seem as though he did. As though he thought Reyes was at fault, as though he'd gone out of his way to make a mockery of him. He just wanted...Well he didn't know what he truly wanted yet, it was so hard to think when everything was a mess. When the world around him was cracking at the fault lines.

Askan licked his lips nervously and stared down at his paws as his throat tightened, as though there was an invisible force was squeezing it. His mouth tasted dry and stale, and the words he'd wanted to say evaporated from his tongue. And he couldn't help but think, not like this. He didn't want this.

It was clear to see that Reyes wasn't fine, that he was lying. His words were bitter and burned Askan like acid. He couldn't help but flinch and take a little step back, like that would do any good. As though it would prevent what would no doubt happen if Askan didn't gain control of his fucking emotions. Wanting to wasn't enough. A drowning man could want, could crave oxygen as much as he damn well wanted but that didn't mean he was going to get it. That it was going to be handed to him on a silver platter. Everything in this life had to be earned, worked for. Askan knew that, he knew if he wanted Reyes' forgiveness he'd damn well have to fight tooth and nail for it. But the problem was he didn't know how. And worse yet, he didn't know if he was strong enough. If he was worthy of Reyes' favour.

The nasty, spitting voice in the pack of his head said he wasn't. That he deserved to be alone. Usually he'd just ignore it, scoff and shoo it away with a shake of his head. But right now, it was making a whole lot of sense. He was unworthy, Reyes must have realised that by now. That's why he was so mad.

"I'm not here to scold you." He argued, though his voice lacked its former vehemence. He just sounded tired, weak. Pathetic. He cleared his throat and tried to maintain his pretence of strength and dignity. "I'm just saying that if you fucked up, it's because of me. And..I'm sorry." He sniffed and looked away, his not-so-bright gaze wandering across the snow covered slopes.

Sure feels like a scolding, Reyes wanted to reply, but he held his tongue. Even now, he could hear how stupid and petulant that sounded. What was he, a boy? That was the sort of thing he’d say to his mother when he was less than a year old and she was trying to teach him; his pride got in the way of a great many things when he was that age. It was not to say such a thing wasn’t true now, exactly, but there was a bit more management on his behalf, perhaps. This was, possibly, the first earnest apology he’d ever gotten from Askan, and if he bit now, he could kiss any future understandings goodbye.

With a huff, Reyes curled tightly back into a tiny donut of wolf. “Ain’t your fault. Not all of it, anyways,” he grumbled, significantly more quiet than he’d been a moment before. The snow had played a significant role in his loss, and that was his own ignorance, and nothing else. Hurt as he was, it couldn’t all be blamed on the beta’s fault. Ears planed out, and he curled his bushy tail against his haunches tightly. Finally, he sighed. “It’s cold. Get your ass in here, huh? I don’t wanna keep thinking about how I just got my ass beat, anyways.”

A huff.

“Warm me up, cabrón.”

There is a family of deer nearby. Hunt Opportunity

The silence was deafening. Painful, like claws digging into his skin, dragging down and leaving bloody crevasses in their wake. Askan didn't know what else to say, he'd given it all he had but it still didn't feel like it was enough. It felt lacking, misshapen and warped, like his words had lost their meaning once spoken aloud. Panic began to set in and as much as Askan tried to cling onto the last little shred of hope, it slipped through his grasp like grains of sand and scattered in the winds. Lost to him, forever.

And then Reyes puffed out a sigh and curled in on himself, as though he was trying to hide from the world, and maybe from Askan as well. He didn't know why his throat tightened more at that thought. But before he could work himself up into even more of a state. gruff words slipped from Reyes' lips and Askan's ears perked up to listen.

On one hand he was glad that Reyes didn't place the blame entirely on his shoulders, but on the other he'd wanted him to. He felt like he deserved the weight of it, that he deserved to suffer through his ire and resentment. He opened his mouth to protest, to insist that it was all of his fault, if only he'd just- but Reyes cut him off  and ordered him to join him in the little makeshift den. The delta was in no position to tell the Selwyn what to do, but it wasn't as though he planned on calling him out on that. It was hardly a suggestion he would refuse even at the best of times, and considering how...Fragile he felt at the time, well it was as if Askan's ego had taken a beating too.

"Okay." Askan said, his voice a little louder than it had been before.

This was something he could do, with ease really. At this point it was as natural as breathing, as though all of the puzzle pieces had slot into place. Bowing down, Askan shuffled into the den and huddled himself up next to Reyes. It took a bit of awkward manoeuvring, but the Selwyn managed to curl up behind Reyes without jostling him too much. Resting his chin on the width of his shoulders, Askan let out a tired puff as his tail settled upon the curve of his companions rump.

He was glad they'd gotten this far, but what was he supposed to say next? Were they supposed to lay in silence, with only their breathing to interrupt the silence? Askan licked his lips again as his eyes flitted to the back of Reyes' head.

"Well, that sucked."

A sigh of relief escaped the man as his companion brushed up behind him – a breath he didn’t even realize he’d been holding. Some small, quiet part of his mind had rather expected Askan to give up with a huff and storm off. When he did not, it was met with a happy noise, albeit a muted one, and he pressed back into the warmth almost immediately provided. Even just a break from the cold wind was comforting enough, but…but the lack of isolation was pleasing, too, and Reyes allowed himself to close his eyes. A content sigh replaced the irritated huff, and he could feel himself start to melt down into the floor of the den. It’d have been better if there were pelts, he thought idly. He’d have to work on that.

“Yep.”

There wasn’t much else to say for the entire episode, or the resulting fall out. But Reyes had only just gotten comfortable, and wasn’t keen on ruining that with more reminiscing over his failure, or what Drestig had to say, or…whatever the hell the two of them had just done. His tail twitched, flicking backwards as it absently sought out its mate. “You offered somethin’ ‘bout neck before, yeah…?”

Askan could take a hint. If Reyes didn't want to talk about it, he wasn't going to push the issue. Usually he was pretty damn stubborn, if he wanted to know something he'd want an immediate response. Patience was never his forte, and he'd never been the understanding sort. Empathy had never been his strong suit. But maybe time had changed him, maybe his efforts to be more reasonable had paid off. As nice as that would have been, Askan had a feeling that wasn't the case. After all, he was pretty damn snappy even at the best of times, and his encounter with that mute ass-hat proved case and point how irritable he could get if he didn't get his own way.

So if it wasn't Askan had had changed, what had? Because things certainly weren't the same as before. Askan huffed as he tried to unravel this mystery and wiggled a little closer to his companion so there was almost no space between their bodies. He could see why Reyes had wanted him close as laying like this gave the Selwyn a unique sense of satisfaction he couldn't find anywhere else. Laying with the others in the communal den was nice enough. Even cuddling with Percy wasn't quite the same- though it had to be said he missed her terribly. More than he could ever say. But this, this situation he had with Reyes wasn't the same as the latter circumstances. He didn't know why, all he knew was that it was. And that perhaps whatever the reasoning, maybe he should just be glad he could take comfort in this. That he had Reyes to take the edge off.

Feeling Reyes' tail reach out for his, Askan-without thought- swished his own so that they overlapped. His ears twitched at the sound of Reyes' voice and a frown pulled at his expression, tilting down his lips and narrowing his eyes. He hadn't really offered anything, but he supposed this was his way of asking, without having to put his neck-quite literally- on the line. He'd cleaned him up once before, so what would the harm be in doing it again?

"Yeah." He murmured, shuffling a little bit so he could have better access to his neck."Don't squirm."

With that, Askan leaned forward and began nosing the thick fur of his scruff out of the way so he could gain access to the wound on his neck. Icicle had made a right mess of it, and Askan couldn't help but snort in contempt. Gentle giant his ass, Icicle was a menace and a waste of space if he'd ever seen one. Being as gentle as he could, Askan cleaned up the mess that was his neck and smoothed out his fur with a few strokes of his tongue, before he settled back down, resting his chin in the space between his shoulders.

"That should do it. Tell me if you want it looking at again."