Hush Meadow no one is ever holy without suffering

March 21st; Near midnight; Cloudy; 17 ° F, -9 ° C.

The turning of the season had greeted Rook Lyall with familiar feelings that had lingered so dangerously beneath the surface of this fur and mind all-year round. Now was the time where it all overwhelmed him - the heat flashes, itchiness, and general discomfort of suffering from an insatiable or, rather, unfulfilled need. Around @Veho his heart beat too fast, as though it were attempting to clamber up into his throat and escape him altogether. His breath would not catch; his mind would not recover from the daze of hormones and cologne currently in the air. Instinctively, all he could manage was to be close to his partner at (nearly) all hours of the day. Then, by the middle of the night, he found himself squirming about, trembling and writhing, having no choice but to find solace in the cool night air.

On unsteady legs, Rook sleepily dragged his feet through the carpet of pine needles, trying and failing to meditate as he sought out the open skies in search of the stars. In the meads, he sighed as he realized there were no pinpricks of light to be found - and, nothing visually distracting to keep himself from thinking such... sinful things. Twice, @Amaryllis had crossed his mind; @Oula had come around once. And every time he caught himself staring into the sky, lost in imagining what meeting them at this hour might have been like, he frowned. He frowned then shivered. The last time he had done something like this, felt like this, he had lost Quil. Even if that whole mess of a tryst had all collapsed on itself from misunderstanding, Rook could not help but to suddenly feel simultaneously empty for missing her. He had done it to himself. To all of them. He wanted them so much, he lost them... and so much more. It had come to a point now that he felt that if he wanted Veho any more than he rightfully should have, he would lose him, too.

The Lyall slouched as he bowed his head, a shiver running across his shoulders and down his spine. It was all uncouth; he, himself, was shameful, spiritually immoral, in the face of Kiche's teachings. But, Rook was a wolf... and if wolves were heathens, then a heathen he would be, if only he could accept such a thing.

It was slowly becoming too much for the greyscale woman, even if Amaryllis spent all the time that she could away from the others so as to spare them from the sickly scent that seeped off her. She even had begun spending more and more time in her personal den, despite having gotten into the habit of sleeping in the common den almost every night since the cooler nights had crept in. There had even been a few instances where she felt her mood swiftly change with little warning, yet she had managed to catch them just in time before snapping at whoever she might have been talking to at the time.

But even tonight, her personal den had become too cramped, too hot for her to sit still - or was it her own skin and fur that felt like it was on fire? Were those little bugs in her sur or was her skin crawling by itself? Regardless, Amaryllis had to get out so she wiggled out of her little den and chose a random direction to walk in. honestly, she had given some thought about finding someone to quell this itch beneath her skin but it felt wrong to go and find a stranger to do it with, like she was betraying someone. Who was she betraying though? Her ex mate she never wanted to see again? Her co leader, Veho? Yet he hadn’t given any indication about wanting pups this year, probably due to the stress and pain of losing Joan and Oula’s kidnapping. Even Rook briefly crossed her mind...

...and that’s when something familiar caught her attention, Rook’s own scent floating on the wind that brought her out of her hazy thoughts. Dancing through the shadows, thanks to the cloudy sky above, Amaryllis paused by a tree and peered around at the slouched figure of Rook. Part of her said to leave him alone, to leave him be because it appeared he wished to be alone. But another part, the part that was pushed on by the ache under her skin, made her put one foot in front of the other, until she was brushing up against his side, their scents mingling.

“@Rook?” She gently asked, turning her muzzle towards him slightly. Would she get a response from him? Or would he stay silent? She wouldn’t push him, allowing him to make his own choice if he wished to respond - whatever it was.

(This post was last modified: Mar 21, 2017, 09:37 AM by Amaryllis.)

No matter how hard Rook tried, the words of prayers from his childhood long ago were now long forgotten. The only one that came to mind was the Lord's Prayer, but even then, there was only one line that remained intact: And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.' He couldn't even be sure if there was an amen that followed after that but, either way, he considered his attempt a failed one. So when he sensed that someone was near, that her curiosity had been piqued... when she drew up alongside him... he let his shoulders tremble for the briefest of moments before the shiver made itself scarce on its descent towards the base of his tail.

"Rook?"

His chest felt as though it were harboring a trapped sparrow; and, yet, when he came to regard that scarred face, barely visible in the clouded last quarter moon's rays, he merely breathed. At first it was a sigh, one that mimicked the tired one Veho so often exhaled these days, followed by breaths that he struggled to keep even. Flashes of what he had envisioned just moments before - their coats piled beside one another, the bits of gray and black peeling away to reveal a brand new sleeping cub between them - flickered behind his eyes. He had to blink several times before he saw her clearly.

"Lily," he countered her, his voice just as soft in the stillness of nightfall. He peered into her face with the sort of caution that a cub might have when they had done something wrong. Instantly, he wished he hadn't peeled himself from Veho's side, but even in their den, the enclosed space was stifling. "You're up late... couldn't sleep?"

Chances are I have a BEN WHISHAW gif for that.

Pressed against this shoulder as she was, she felt the shiver run across his shoulders then down his spine but she didn't speak of it, thinking that perhaps he was just cold, unlike her with her heated skin and itch that she so wished she could scratch.

At first, she wanted to lie and say she had been sleeping far too much, far far too much. Which, now she thought about it, was actually entirely true. When she hadn't been making sure the borders were secured and the caches, both medical and food wise, were fine, all she'd been doing was sleeping. As if she was trying to hibernate this time away. And regardless, she found that couldn't lie to Rook, who she had begun to consider a dear friend during the time they had spent together. And didn't that make her ache more, as she thought about Yvly and how it appeared the tawny wolf was avoiding her.

"...No," she softly admitted, eventually telling herself that it was true that she couldn't sleep, that something was keeping her awake and how she sometimes hated this time of the year. "You couldn't sleep either?" It certainly appeared as if he wasn't able to sleep either, if being out alone at midnight, surrounded by the silent trees and a blocked out sky was any sort of indication.

She couldn't sleep. His eyes dropped to the ground before lifting back up into the starless skies. An ear turned towards her as she asked him the same question. A small shake of his head and a slight smile as he thought of the slumbering Leader he had left behind beneath the cedars, "No, not really... Been thinking too much lately." He held his tongue for a moment, but immediately regretted it. Just from pausing a moment too long, he got a whiff of her. There could have only been two words: Senses overload.

His jaws parted halfway to pronounce the beginnings of what could have been her name but he swallowed. The last thing he needed was another heartbreak, his own or hers... He had to admit it to himself, though, that they had gotten off to a good start. At what level of conversation they could manage, however, was to be found out soon enough.

"So," it was a little awkward-sounding and a quiet throat clearing somewhat made that clear, but his tail wagged behind him with a small smile. "I'm guessing you and Veho have made arrangements?" It seemed that genuine curiosity shone through at last as he considered the idea that it was possible for Grizzly Hollow to raise a new set of cubs.

Chances are I have a BEN WHISHAW gif for that.

“Oh? About nothing too bad I hope?” Chuckling slightly, Amaryllis settled next to him, their shoulders still touching as she pondered over her next set of actions. And the next one she regretted. Taking a deep breath, his smell swarmed over her and she had to shake her head to clear it. Too much, too much Thankfully, it was easily covered because Rook had already begun his question about Veho and herself.

“No, we haven’t made any arrangements. At least, not with each other.” Amaryllis murmured, flicking her eyes over to his mismatched ones before lowering them, lowering her ears as well. She didn’t wish to dampen his curiosity but thought it best to straighten out any doubts that might be lingering in his mind. “Whether Veho has made other arrangements, he has not mentioned to me and I’m not about to pry.” She might be his equal in the ranks and as she respected him greatly, Amaryllis wasn’t about to push him. Veho was an adult and could do as he wished, as long as it didn’t harm others. “However, I don’t mind making an...arrangement, if there are others are willing.”

There, the tight feeling in her chest was now gone, her words floating out into the air and waiting to be answered. In her words was an offer, one she didn’t mind if Rook took it. She found she liked him, well enough if...this was to continue and if it didn’t well, there was nothing that could be done.

But deep down, part of her hoped it did.

To her questioning about his thinking, he merely shook his head. It was mostly a bunch of worries - where Tomen was, what Felix and Ophelia were doing, if he would cross paths with @Nineva and be subject to her continuing scorn, hoping Oula was all right... making sure Veho was kept in good spirits, that he was happy and Rook was able to provide him with whatever he needed. When she told him that she - and Veho - had not made any arrangements, Rook sealed his lips. First came relief, that Veho had not pined for her for the sake of the pack's future; but, secondly, and perhaps, more appropriately, a creeping sort of sadness seeped into his mind in realizing that there would not be any Macieos to rear this year. No younger siblings for Tomen, Felix, or Ophelia to dote upon... No more new little ones to teach the word "Papa" to.

Rook kept quiet when she told him that she had no means to pry about Veho's agenda. If there was anyone who knew Veho just a little better than him, it had to be Oula, but with her absence, Rook felt he was correct when he assumed that his partner was not at all in the mood for the deed. If Rook wanted to fill their little den with new life, it would have to be all his doing.

"However," Rook's eyes met her face again, looking past his scarred muzzle to hers - and, somehow, admiring how distinguished they made her look. "I don’t mind making an...arrangement, if there are others are willing." His eyes widened briefly and he fully met her eyes in attempt to read what she truly might have meant. By now it was clear that her heat had not been resolved; and, for her to even say such a thing that she, the Leader of Grizzly Hollow, didn't mind making her own plans found Rook harrowingly tempted. He would do it all right this time; there would be no tryst here, no sneaking about, no secrets... With Amaryllis it was as it was. Once-strangers becoming friends, then friends wondering if it could be something a little more. Rook - and Veho and the pack - had been entertaining so much loss, it seemed only fair or right to at least try and bring the promise of brighter days through the acquisition of new family members.

He forced himself to breathe, the prospect catching him off-guard. Had Yvly still been in charge, he might have thought himself worthy of being ousted from the pack for good just for thinking of accepting such an offer. His head canted to the left as if to ask her to repeat what she had said."And, have... there been others?" He might as well have been treading - tip-toeing about - on ice, but for an affair like this, it was out of caution on Rook's part. He did adore her, he did enjoy her company but only now did he realize that he could possibly have her for himself. Perhaps, for forever if things worked out and if time ever let him live that old.

Chances are I have a BEN WHISHAW gif for that.

Have there been others? Her heart skipped a beat and for an instance, Amaryllis thought of Yvly and the love she held for the other. Part of her still loved the tawny wolf, even if she hadn't seen or spoken to the other since the leadership hand over. And that same part still ached for Yvly, to talk to her and hear her voice and freely breath her scent in again.

“Have there been others?” Testing the words on her tongue, rolling them round her her mouth tentatively as if she was tasting them “Only one who could give the same thing as you, long ago. But he's out of my life and forever will be.” Should she mention her feelings for Yvly, the one she had grown closest to over the course of living in Grizzly Hollow? After a few moments, she decided. If this was going to happen, then of course he deserved to know, in case that ever flourished into something more as well  “There is another, who I've feelings for but I'm unsure if she...Feels the same.” But Yvly couldn't give her what Rook could offer, what he could give her if the two of them dove into the icy waters beneath their toes. If Yvly did come to her and reciprocate the feelings the leader had for her.... well, Amaryllis would have to wait and see if it happened first.

“But right now? No, there are no others.” And if he smelled closely, he would know her words were true.  Her scent was still overwhelmingly there but underneath it were their packmates, one no stronger than the other. “Tonight, it'll only be you.” And the words that tumbled from her muzzle were true. Though they had truly known each other a short time, she had fallen harder and faster than she had ever thought possible. Tentatively, she shifted her head and gently licked his chin, brushing her nose against his neck as she drew away from him, almost prancing away with her tail swinging behind her as she glanced back at him as if to say well?

(This post was last modified: Mar 22, 2017, 05:18 AM by Amaryllis.)

There is a family of deer nearby. Hunt Opportunity

With utmost interest, he listened to her, soaking up her every word. The more she spoke to him of her past, of lovers lost, Rook discovered that they were quite possibly one in the same. Where Rook had Quil long ago, she had another, but he was gone. Where Rook had Veho, Amaryllis had someone whom also left her without options for a family, being that they, like he and Veho, were of the same gender. For their paths to have crossed at last and for their friendship to have slowly begun to open up into something more could only have been pure luck. Blessings, maybe, that Grizzly Hollow would continue to thrive.

“But right now? No, there are no others.”

He lightly nudged his nose to hers before ducking his head lower to graze the bridge of his muzzle to her chin - as any good subordinate might do in respect for their superior. Rook lightly leaned against her now, angling his head so that he might shelter her smaller frame beneath his. But, then came her affirmation and he had to pull away. For others who did not know Rook as well as his family did, might not have known of his tendencies to love hard (and fall fast). For Amaryllis to offer him such a precious part of her this soon initially told Rook that they could be so much more together, that they could potentially have that family that he (and, perhaps, she) wanted. At this point, even as she lapped her tongue at his chin and rubbed her nose to his neck, it should have gone without saying that she would be loved. If it was a family she had so wanted from him, he would give it to her and those cubs would be loved; and, if it was his love that she had so craved, he would not even hesitate to bestow it upon her.

She danced away with him and instantaneously the fire within him was ignited and sparked and crackled where it had been a glowing ember for so long. In the distance a family of deer scattered as he set off after her with a bounce in his step.

Chances are I have a BEN WHISHAW gif for that.