Cedarwood Forest The End and The Beginning

<i>Clear — Current Temperature: 63° F/17° C</i>

This morning wasn't much different from the morning before. The day that she'd met Ruiko. Hopefully a day that she'd remember for quite some time, as it was probably her first truly social experience in quite some time. His words still lingered in her mind as she slid nervously from her den apart from the rest, and wandered into the forest. She tried to make a habit of sneaking away before the others woke up, but today she'd woken up a little late, and the scents around her were quite strong. Withholding a whine, trying to cultivate some of the courage she'd thought she'd earned yesterday, Aisling puffed out her chest as she slid away, passing the dark brown pool without a second glance. She hated that pool, but it wasn't her fault, and she'd keep telling herself that. Her journey didn't last long, and she stopped just outside of Hollow territory, leaning against a tree as she pondered finding something to eat. She couldn't quite remember the last time she'd eaten, and she was already quite small as it was. <b style="color:#388d10">"speech."

<blockquote>It wasn't unusual, Borden may be back, but each morning was quite the same. Wake up, check everyone was breathing, and check the surrounding area. The black loner had entered her territory twice, and she had a feeling it could happen again. So the pale, silver wolf was quite caught up in checking to make sure the same loner or any other had not crossed into Grizzly Hollow again. It was only when she was sure today, least for now, she'd try to catch something to take back for hungry bellies. Briefly her mind went to Borden, the tempation to get him breakfast if she managed.

Today she did decided not see Borden or for the moment. She would admit to herself she often avoided where he was. It was just too easy for frustration to spark her temper, and it didn't help he did not speak much. She may have a glimmer of hope, but it was hard to hold onto it when disaster was at every corner. She put it from her mind when a rockchuck's scent teased her nostrils. If anything it would be better than a measly mouse, and she had a number of mouths who could use it.

Little effort she found it's nest, and paused the longest of time waiting for it to come out. When it decided to return to the outside world, it was for the last time as her jaws snapped around it's head, and throat. She did not pity it, as it was a natural part of life for it to pass not having the ability to check thoroughly before darting. When she started back to the hollow she picked up Aisling's scent, and decided to follow the girl.

If anything she knew she'd been distant since Borden's return, and Jayse couldn't help but feel her fear from both herself, and Elettra. Well, maybe she'd need the fairly decent meal. Eyes watching for the blond girl, she spotted her against a tree, just past the hollow's lines. Her high tail wagging she jogged to Aisling's seat, and placed the rockchuck down for her. <b>"Breakfast?"</b> She'd ask, in case she was not hungry. The leader only hoped it help break the cold ice between them.</blockquote>
<i>gosh i didn't mean for it to be this big, but here ya go X)</i>

The faint rumbling of her insides alerted Aisling to her growing hunger. It was odd how she didn't quite feel it until it said something to her. She inhaled deeply, willing herself to back off from the tree and catch something, but her motivation was greatly lacking. Moments ticked by quickly as she leaned against the tree, various and sundry thoughts running through her mind, though she didn't necessarily register any of them. It was only the sound of a voice that pulled her out, as it usually seemed to happen, that she realized that she hadn't been so good at avoiding Jayse and Elettra as she'd thought. Yelping, she seemed to try to make an escape, though it was hindered by the tree, which probably saved her from embarrassment. If anything, she merely appeared surprised that there was another there, rather than completely terrified and desperate to get away.

The leader seemed rather happy however, the complete opposite of Aisling's own mood, and she stared down in shock at the offer of food. Lowering herself, her ears slid backwards, and she couldn't look at Jayse. Usually, the sight of the white female would have made her so happy, and now...Well, it just didn't. There were so many reasons she wanted to keep away from the Hollow leader. Aisling shook her head meekly, then spoke, though it was rather quiet, <b style="color:#388d10">"I'm fine, thank you." She let her eyes drift up slightly, and wiggled back against the bark of the tree. <b style="color:#388d10">"speech."

<blockquote>The girl's jump made Jayse flinch out of instinct, drawing back from the tree for the sake of being safe. When Aisling seemed to realize it was her, well it was much what Jayse had expected. She had been so timid around her lately, and only seemed more so with her so close. Much as her ears wanted to twist back she kept them upon Aisling, setting her raised paw back to the ground. <b>"You sure?"</b> She said, feeling like she was the one forcing food on others these days. Yet she couldn't help, but ask one more time. She hadn't seen her in some time, and wanted to make sure if anything she had one good meal in her.

Rubbing her nose on her shoulder from a temporary itch, she shuffled her front limbs together, curling her tail over them like she usual did. <b>"You okay?"</b> She dared ask the question, and there was a concern in it. She knew it must be hard without Kiche, and she knew Borden's "welcoming" hadn't been the best for her. She doubted she could help it either, it wasn't news her and Borden were two magnets, this time they were pushing each other away instead of coming together. </blockquote>

The repeated question fell heavily upon Aisling's ears. Of course she was hungry! But she simply couldn't say no. Her head nodded slightly, attempting to reassure her leader that she was, in fact, just fine. The fur along her spine rose as her rump pressed against the tree. She wanted to sit, but it just was another impossible thing at the moment. She should have kept moving. Why did she just sit there? She could have been eating her own meal by now in some shadow, away from this strange situation.

Jayse seemed comfortable enough, and for a single moment, a flare of anger shot through the blonde wolf. It was pinched out fast, but it had been there, nonetheless. How could she just sit there like nothing was wrong? Like Borden had never come back and Aisling had never watched any of the atrocities unfold. The second question fell from the lips of her superior and Aisling just wondered if another nod was in order. But why lie? Jayse wasn't blind to Aisling's avoidance. She shook her head, and looked up to meet the eyes of her leader. There was little spark in them. What would she say though? A tremble shook her and she wished that she could just disappear into the tree, but such things just weren't possible. <b style="color:#388d10">"speech."

<blockquote>Her words might as well have been ignored, and an evident frown tugged on her black lips. Everything was so damn hard, and she hated it most because she'd never asked for any of it. Ignoring the kill, mismatched eyes were steady on Aisling wishing to make her feel better. She hated the idea she was afraid of her, and more so what she probably thought of her. Maybe to another it was insane. Shouldn't she have welcomed Borden back with a warm embrace, and kind words? If he'd said goodbye, she probably would have. If he hadn't been gone so long. If he'd came to her first. There was a mile long list, and she couldn't make anyone understand how she felt. It was worse kind of feeling loving someone, and thinking they left you, your children for good. She had thought maybe Aisling would understand, now with Kiche no where. Jaysyek soon decided no matter what Aisling would probably easily accept him back. This cold atmosphere between them, the silence told her maybe she wouldn't because she wasn't very forgiving nor understanding to her.

A sharp sigh, she realized if Aisling could she probably would have bolted, or stuck her head in the ground, anything to escape. She did nod again, she shook her head, her amber eyes meeting her gaze. They hardly looked any different when she first saw her, maybe worse she could not remember. Eyes followd the motion of the tremor of her body, and she was sure her throat went dry. Head cast down, her eyes closed if for a second, and she stared quietly at the ground below her feet. <b>"I'm sorry Aisling. I wish things were different, but I can't change anything. I want to forgive Borden, but it's...hard. And if you...don't want to stay...I understand."</b></blockquote>

How odd that hearing something from someone changed feelings so quickly. Aisling couldn't look away from her leader, until the wolf broke contact herself. Jayse was trying...She was trying to fix things. Aisling could understand that, couldn't she? How she'd tried to fix things with Arlette, or even with Pangur all those months ago. If Kiche was here...Well, she'd fix that too. With slight hesitation, Aisling leaned forward, lightly pressing her nose in the space between Jayse's eyes. As quickly as the act had been done, it was over, and Aisling was against the tree again, though she didn't seem to be trying to climb it backwards anymore.

<b style="color:#388d10">"I-I know," The pale girl began slowly, ears twisted back. <b style="color:#388d10">"We're different." With a faint nod, she took a deep breath, obviously going on. <b style="color:#388d10">"Why would I leave though?" The events that had altered their relationship flashed through her mind again, and she held back another shutter. The way Elettra had acted, and the way Jayse had just done nothing...And Borden. She shook her head. <b style="color:#388d10">"I'm sorry..." She said quietly then, looking down then, avoiding her leader's eyes if she had attempted to meet them. It dawned upon Aisling then that, at that moment, they were even. More or less. <b style="color:#388d10">"speech."

<blockquote>Brush of a cold, wet nose was faintly felt upon her forehead. She did not move, she kept her eyes upon the ground comtemplating her life. It was far from what she'd imagined, and trying to put the puzzle pieces together was not working. Things didn't fit where they were suppose to, and some were missing or didn't seem to belong.

Very slowly her golden eye, and blue eye shift to Aisling's black nose, soft words bringing her ears to stand. She seemed bewildered by the mention of going. Jayse she mustered to sit back up. <b>"Well Aisling you left once, and I'd hate for you to be here....miserable."</b> She said, once more not wanting to hurt the girl, but letting her know she couldn't blame her if she had in mind to go again. She'd thought Kiche was the reason they both had gone, but now she did not know what to think. Who wanted to live in a pack where there was never ending turmoil? Soft sigh rubbed against her throat, and she looked closely upon her creamy coat. She couldn't tell if she was getting enoug to eat, her coat wasn't dull, but it didn't appear bright like before.

<b>"You miss him don't you?"</b> She meant Kiche, and really after meeting him again she missed the orange bugger too. He really had started to change, and she thought things would have been better with him around, for Aisling too. <b>"I miss him, he was....starting to come around."</b> Ears bent, almost touching, and she made a good point to stare at the uneven rows of cedar trees with a lump in her throat. Time was cruel.</blockquote>

Her head nodded slowly, taking Jayse's words to heart. <b style="color:#388d10">"I left because of Pangur..." She muttered, looking away from her leader's bi-colored eyes. <b style="color:#388d10">"But I'm not miserable...I just feel...Alone?" Kiche was gone. She was certain that it had been her fault. Alone in what though, she wasn't sure. There'd been something missing inside of her for quite a long time, and nothing had filled it. Her nostrils flared, and she looked up again, though still didn't meet Jaysyek's eyes. Things had become confusing and complicated without the feline to lead her. Despite that, she didn't miss him. He'd never cared about her. Perhaps once, when she was a child, but her adult years had been filled with false love.

Aisling's breath caught in her throat at Jayse's question, and Aisling couldn't help but look down again, her amber eyes glistening and dulling. <b style="color:#388d10">"I do...I do, a lot." Her voice was quiet, very quiet. <b style="color:#388d10">"speech."

<blockquote>Pangur, the cat she claimed as her friend had talked her into going? Maybe he hadn't been a harmless figmant, and her forehead creased against her eyes in troubled thoughts. <b>"I take it Pangur got mad at you when you came back?"</b>She had not forgotten about the mention of him when they'd first met, was this what was wrong with Aisling? Pangur was well not talking to her, or had he convinced her of something else? Her lips drew in a hard line, and she noticed her looking away. The word <i>alone</i> was something she immediately understood, and could relate too. It was something that hung about her these last four months, and even now she couldn't quite shake. She was saddened, at the same time she was relieved not to hear it was something else. She was actually a bit ashamed for bringing Kiche up now.

<b>"I can't say I know how you feel, but feeling alone is something I can relate too,"</b> and a wisp of a smile pushed the side of her cheek up; it looked so faint, and was very half hearted. Borden was back, and she did have her children, Aisling, El, and Raigo but still there was this whole inside.

A sad glaze to her eyes, she licked the top of Aisling's head. <b>"Maybe, he'll come back. I know it was hard for him...to be here."</b> It was merely a hopeful thing to say, because there was always a chance, no matter how small, after all Borden had come back. <b>"Hmm, well more friends would be good, you know there's no harm in wandering away from the hollow from time to time."</b> This time her smile seemed more alive, with her eyes focused hoping to cheer the cream girl up.</blockquote>