I'm Sorry It's Late...

OOC: Don't feel obligated to reply, Shadow ;D She's just doing what Vlar does.. lol. Though it could be entertaining if she ran into other GH wolves.. mwaha

She'd missed it - it was only by the grace of the gods above that she'd heard whispers of the date.. the day. Something about the last week had been nagging at the ivory female, and she finally knew what it was. Raigo had just turned two.. a few days ago... she thought.. maybe it was a week? She wasn't sure.. but she couldn't ignore it - he'd finally become a full fledged adult, and she simply wouldn't let the date pass without some kind of..token towards the youth.

So, on the evening of the second day of February, Vlarindara had dredged her emaciated form out of the den she'd had.. and gone hunting. The hunt was nearly fruitless, with only the leftovers that mother nature saw fit to reward those in her bosom with. However, she managed to find a too slow beaver within the frigid waters of Bramble Falls.. And gripping the thing by its tails,she carried her catch to the other side of Relic Lore - to a place she was no longer welcome. A sigh slipped past the lips of the white female.. as she traversed the distance with a single minded intensity - she had to get her 'gifts to Raigo before too much time had passed.

Though already, she felt he would have figured she'd forgotten all about him. A spear of fear rent her heart.. as she finally crossed the forests of Cedarwood - moving towards where the Grizzly Hollow pack made their home. What...if he sent her away, just as Jayse did? She had initially thought to call out to the wolf - to see him.. but.. the fear that he would no longer wish to see her.. the single shred of hope she still held that he would still want her.. she didn't want that broken.

It was selfish of her, she knew.. but as she drew closer to the borders, the white wolf had no other plans in mind.. and with a shiver of cold winds on her matted and ragged pelt, she lowered her head, and the catch to the borders of the territory. The last she knew, Raigo had been the second - holding the place of honor beside her.. so.. perhaps it was he that would be patrolling the borders..Perhaps.. she could catch a glimpse of him - see how well he had fared. Though the beaver was frozen with the length of her travel.. Having arrived mid-morning of the third day in February.. she hoped that whomever patrolled would cross its path.

Slowly, with her heart breaking at leaving the thing, Vlarindara lowered her head and brushed her muzzle up against the frozen brown hide.. before she pulled away. It was in her to run as far and as fast as her legs could carry her - but in the weakness the winter was leaving in its wake, she could barely manage a walk, and a sedate one at that. So instead, the female drifted away from the borders and found a somewhat..secluded venue from which to watch the borders - and the beaver she'd left for a wolf she still considered her little brother.

From here, she hoped to be able to catch.. even the smallest glimpse of the wolf she'd protected.. of a male who had brought out the strength in her heart. It was dangerous to linger, that much she knew - after all..if Jaysyek was the one to be on patrol, Vlarindara had no doubts she would be chased away with little adieu. But... there was another reason she hung around - a subconscious one. Being alone for the majority of the winter had left her weak, barely able to hunt for herself.. and many-a-time, wishing to simply lay down in the snow and remain there until the cold took what warmth was left. But, each time, the thoughts of the small yearling trapped in the middle of a river.. his strength as he grew older - things she admired about the boy. And unbidden.. a thought slid through her weary, cotton filled mind.. Of begging reentry into the pack of Grizzly Hollow.. of prostrating herself on the ground at Jaysyeks feet.. to beg not forgiveness.. but perhaps.. reentry into a place that called for her even from across the valley.

Another violent shiver wracked the wolfs frame from where she curled behind the small rock - single amber eye watching the borders. She wouldn't be permitted within the confines of Grizzly Hollow.. though the... the thought was there - and now that it had manifested itself, it was needling at the back of her mind.. She knew that the chances of being allowed - even if she did prostrate herself, beg or simper were slim.. if that. But.. could she really come all this way and not try?

(This post was last modified: Feb 06, 2012, 08:24 AM by Vlarindara.)

=) This has been a long time coming.

A flurry of snow greeted Raigo Akreon as he approached the Grizzly Hollow borders. Only slightly marred from his fight with the wolves of Swift River, the Second had returned from his quest with dismal returns. He had not discovered Vlarindara, despite having covered a wide range of territory in Relic Lore. Perhaps she had moved on, despite what Jayse had told him. No doubt that whatever had happened when the two white she-wolves had their reunion, it had not been pretty. Jayse had been honest with him at that front, and now he was beginning to wonder if his leader's actions were the reason that his search had turn up fruitless.

Pausing, his steps fell short of crossing back into his home territory. Breathing in deeply, he took record of who was here and who was not. The strong scent of his leader, of course, and his fellow second. Borden's was faint, and with disgust, Raigo growled. He had only had brief contact with his old leader since he had returned, an issue that was going to have to be addressed. Nose was assaulted with the scents of others, those who had lurked around the outskirts of the pack, wolves that Raigo wasn't honestly all that interested in. Until they proved that they were staying around longer than the winter time, he was not going to gratify them with them with pack acceptance. That was just his method of dealing with the constant absence in his life.

Breathing in again, ears pricked forward and hackles rose. There had been somebody else here. But the scent was so foreign to him now, it had been hard to pick out under the mess of others. Golden eyes narrowing, the boy drew himself up to his full height - and while not as large as some of his counterparts, he had grown into his lanky body and begun to fill out in all the right places. Throwing his head back, the second howled. "VLARINDARA!" It was not a request. If she was still around, and heard him call, she would come. The present she had left him had gone unnoticed; he was more concerned with speaking to the lady who had brought it to him. For now that he had picked up her scent, it seemed that it was everywhere, and his eyes turned upon the frozen beaver. But he would not not touch it. Not until she answered his call.

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OOC: Oh god... I'm going to admit, I'm a bit scared about this one... XD We'll see how it goes, I suppose? 83

Silence had met her initial arrival, and the deposit of the beaver for the packs male second - and for a time, Vlarindara thought that it would be best for her to leave. Though, she would have been lying to herself if she said the mere thought of just.. sticking around wasn't ... alluring. The cold itself was causing her the most problems, the single female having fallen on the same hard times that the rest of the loners in the lands had. Perhaps, it was mostly due to the complete loss of vision in her right eye that her hunts failed even more than they did for those taht hadn't lost their sight.

The silence and minutes stretched on, and she huddled closer in on herself, tearing her gaze away from the borders to tuck her black nose into her underside. As tight a ball as she could manage in an attempt to preserve heat. She'd wait a little longer.. After all, the trip from her den in Riddle Heights had taken its toll, and left her weary. Tired.. Perhaps...Perhaps simply closing her eyes for a few moments wouldn't hurt.. could it? She almost did, but knew full well that if she closed her eyes, they wouldn't be opening again - and the thought of Raigo... and how it would.. how he would react upon seeing her frozen form right outside their borders.. No, she wouldn't... But..

Should she even stay? Should she even be here.. What if by some glimmer of chance, she met with the wolf she *still* considered a brother. Could she bear it if he hated her? In some way, the white female had mostly convinced herself that he hated her - for her abandonments.. for her disloyalty.. Though some part of her clung to the hope that he wouldn't hate her... that he still in..some way cared for her. Did she want to chance shattering that with Reality? The fondness that Jaysyek used when speaking of him, even during their heated....meeting had lifted her spirits. Raigo was in good hands.. her.. Paws. But, still.. She couldn't bring herself to find her feet.. and leave. She had to stay -even if to see who may be patrolling the borders that day.

The cold caused the femme to curl closer in on herself, shivers constantly interrupting her thoughts of the members of the Hollow. More than once, she'd thought to get up and leave.. and more than once, she'd forced herself to stay. Whether it was the cold that pained her old injuries and thin legs, or her need to try to catch a glimpse of Raigo - she honestly wouldn't have been able to say. It was the howl, however.. that finally caused her to cease her shivering.. Cease all movement completely.. actually. Shock, fear.. trepadation.. Need, Worry, Concern... Joy, Elation.. and then fear all thrilled through her in an oddly melodic Symphony.

Slowly, with her heart hammering in her throat, Vlarindara unfurled herself.. dragging herself to her feet.. and forced herself from behind where she'd hidden.. the rock that had provided her with shelter from prying eyes. Slowly.. mincing steps carried her away from the cold, grey shelter... and into view. With bitten ears lain flat against her dirtied, tangled scruff, Vlarindara did the only thing she knew to do in such a situation... Despite the mixture of feelings in her heart, the need to run to him..she lowered her head until her nose was almost brushing the snow. Short of rolling to her back, she knew of no other position of submission without crossing the borders of the forbidden lands.

At first, she kept her eyes locked on the ground in front of her shaking legs, her tangled tail curled tightly up under her belly, even the matted strands seeming to have withdrawn into the slight heat offered by her abdomen. After a pregnant pause, she let her left eye glide along the snow between them, then slide up his furred legs.. to caress his form before she finally lifted her gaze to his face. A feat that was hard to do, considering she kept her head as low as possible - and still be able to see him. She did, however, ensure that her amber gaze did not lock onto his, but stayed respectfully near his chin..Despite her departure from her rock, she was still a respectful distance from the borders, easily far enough away that she could run.. should he charge.. and perhaps escape with minimal damage.. If she'd had the ability.

The wind cut through her fur and wrapped icy talons around her skin, leaving her to shiver in both fear of him attacking her.. and the cold. A quiet greeting slipped from her lips, audible if barely above the winter breath mingling around them. "Hello, Raigo.." She kept it short and sweet.. knowing full well that should he wish to attack her - as she was sure the order was for the Grizzly Hollow Wolves.. she would stand still and allow him to do it. Of all the things she'd done - she regretted leaving him the most. and that regret had caused her voice to crack hoarsely in those two words... if wolves could cry - she supposed that her muzzle would be soaked with the tears by now.

Raigo's howl ceased not long after it started. He knew that it was alert the members of his pack, and he doubted very much that Jayseyek wanted Vlarindara around, considering what his leader had told him about their reunion. He doubted very much if the white wolf was even still around, though the scent of the beaver was not too far gone. She had not yet chosen to seek him out, and from what he had understood, she had been back in Relic Lore for the majority of the winter season. While he was gradually maturing, and growing more comfortable in his role as the pack's second, he was not yet comfortable with the fact that the one soul he had relied on had let him go without a word. He could understand if she had a reason to leave, though as he stood there proudly in the snow, he couldn't fathom a reason for it. What his mind could not comprehend is why she did not do him the courtesy of saying goodbye. The hurt of an unexplained absence was far worse than one that was explained, at least then he did not spend his nice wondering why.

Movement catching his eyes, the young adult turned his attention to the white figure. She had been hiding behind a rock, white form blending well with the snow. Shuffling his paws, tail arched naturally over his back, coming to rest in its customary dominant position. It seemed that they had switched roles, because what stood before him was not the proud she-wolf he had nothing but respect for, but a heavily marred shadow of herself. Whereas he stood proud and tall, though shaking on the inside, she was torn down. Her ears looked as if they had been torn to shreds, and she did not walk with the proud gait that she had when he had first met her, so long ago. Golden eyes widened with shock, but it was dulled. There was some sense of gratification in this. She was the physical embodiment of the pain that he had been feeling since she had left. Terrible as it was, this was a sort of justice.

"What are you doing here?" No greeting, no recognition of the absence, though the flat way he held his voice showed clearly that nothing was forgiven. She had come close to the pack's borders, the pack that he now protected where she had once stood, it was within his right to ask such questions. And heart hammering in his chest, he couldn't decide if he wanted to ask why she had left him, not wanting to know that it had been an intentional choice of abandonment. Even if that had not though, her choice to not come back was, and that, thought Raigo, was Vlar's greatest sin.

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OOC: This thread is going to make me cry - I know it.. lol

His posture changing to exactly what she would have expected of his position within the pack brought her own down. Vlarindara tucked her tail under her legs - curling it tight enough that she felt it brushing her belly. She crouched, pressing her stomach into the cold snow, both eyes locking onto his form, though only the left one could actually see anything. The female waited to speak until spoken to - feeling his gaze raking over her form, much like one might in disgust towards a beggar. At least, that is how she perceived it.

His tone, when it came was cold.. Without preamble.. without a greeting. She knew then, that he hated her.. or so she feared. The wolf felt her heart breaking, but she knew it was her just deserts. It was what she deserved. When he demanded his answer, she couldn't stop the whine from escaping her muzzle...But the words that followed.. she allowed to slip by. As broken and quiet as they were.

She watched him with a single amber eye, proud of his strength...then lowered her gaze so as not to trespass on her rights as a loner.. when facing a Beta. "You..turned two recently...I..I wanted to give you something..it..would have been more - but..I couldn't.." Couldn't hunt it up.. couldn't trespass on Grizzly Hollow lands to give him the gift she truly wanted - a greeting.. a nuzzle.. To comfort herself with his touch, his smell. It was her own choices that had led her to this - and she was reaping the ..rewards of her actions.

<3

The dominant stance of the lanky wolf was one that he was steadily growing more accustomed too. His role of second had been the default in the pack, simply because he had gone unchallenge by any of the newer males who had arrived. No doubt when breeding season arrived his position as the pack's second would be challenged by one of them hoping to win Jayse over. But until then, he carried himself as was proper. It was weird though, watching her through his golden eyes. Vlarindara was not a wolf who cowered. She did not back down, and she most certainly did not fully submit. But here was she was, a torn white angel who had fallen to earth. This was not who she was, and not for the first time, Raigo wondered had happened to her to bring her down so far.

Her whine did not fall on deaf ears, and for the first time since his arrival on the scene, Raigo faltered. His head and tail sank some, and the worry behind his stoic face grew slightly more evident. He was angry, to be sure, but it was not within his nature to hate. Even Kiche, who had spat in his face and called him a heathen had not been worthy of hatred. Certainly then, neither was Vlar, the creature who had kept him alive during his darkest days. The fact that she remembered, that the frozen beaver was a gift for his becoming an adult only warmed his heart more. But it did not negate the pain, and he would not let her believe that it did. "Thank you." It was a low murmur, and for a moment he looked away. Staring into the distance, trying to collect his thoughts.

A few minutes of silence hung between them, Raigo unwilling to say what he really wanted to. He wanted to know why. But that simple question was far too painful to ask. He could not bear to know the reason she had abandoned him. Looking at her in the state that she was now, it was evident in his mind that the better course of action would have been to remain in Grizzly Hollow. "What happened to you?" Muzzle dropped and he indicated the various cuts and bruises on her body. And was there something off with her eye? A long red scar mutilated the once pretty face. What horror had befallen her when she had left to have caused such an injury?

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OOC: Oh dear me. >_>:

Vlarindara remained right where she was.. relaxing slightly when Raigo did - but she still remained crouched on the ground, her eyes averted from his so as not to challenge inadvertently. She waited until he stopped speaking, then a heartbeat later to see if he'd add anything before she spoke. "Y-You're welcome. I'm sorry it's.. not more.. I would have gotten something.. larger..if I could have." She was well aware of her condition and the fact that it would have been suicide to hunt something larger. Even the beaver had been pushing it - as the short lived chase had taken her through frigid waters.

His next question was.. far harder to answer and she whined, unable to stop the fear from voicing itself through her lips. "...I...couldn't hurt anyone.." Vlarindara felt ashamed of herself, and her posture was enough to bespeak the internal war that she was fighting over her decision. "I..had left to find.....I don't even know what I'd left to find anymore.. I don't remember.. but when I returned.. Kiche turned me away at the borders - sending me away. I.. I thought then that the pack had sent me away."

She was of course referring to the wound that bisected her face.. but.. the one to take her sight was far more complicated. "When.. I returned..was admitted back.. I was.. happy.. but.." Vlarindara swallowed and cringed visibly when she spoke the next few words, squeezing her eyes shut. "I had to leave this..last time. I can't reconcile my feelings for Borden. I went.. to try to find a new pack.. maybe a place we could both live together again. I-I... I wanted to challenge Jaysyek... constantly. I wanted to take her from her place.. I wanted Borden to myself. I...I had to leave. Before I broke my oath and attacked her.. Before I.. I hurt those I promised to protect. And..I still failed to protect the pack... I got Theo and Prosper killed.."

Had wolves been capable of tears, Vlarindara was sure her muzzle would be stained with them by now - the frozen droplets. Instead, she simply remained where she was. Punishing herself yet again in a way by remaining in the cold snow that soaked into the meager protection her fur offered, slowly freezing thin limbs. Certainly she'd be stiff getting up.. but what did it matter if he attacked her? She wouldn't be able to stop him anyway.. Nor would she run. The female shifted, huddling in on herself as a gust of wind rent through the thin fur on her hide.. both huddling and remaining braced for an attack she was sure would come. "But.. I came back.. I wanted... I wanted to come back home. Where I belonged.. but.. when I met Jaysyek.. I don't know what came over me.. I don't know what made me do it. But..I .. I challenged Jaysyek for her right to lead Grizzly Hollow.. Then.. when she defended herself.. I froze. I couldn't hurt her. I couldn't fight back.... and she..she took my sight in return."

Vlarindara swallowed hard, but she couldn't bring herself to look up at him, instead, cowering in the snow, wanting to get it all out before he attacked her out of disgust.. To get it all in the open... before he left.. or something. "I..I begged her not to tell you I'd come back. I ..didn't want you to know that I'd challenged her.. that Kiche had hurt me. that she had blinded me.. I didn't want to say anything that would upset the life you... you lived with them. I..don't blame them.. I blame myself. but.. I didn't want you to blame them - to cause even a small rift.. I...it I can't do that. It..it was better that you hated me instead.. that you lived safely, happily in a pack you held up... that you helped to create.

" I..wanted to protect you.. from what I'd become.. from.. my failures. I wanted to protect the pack.. but..I failed.. I failed everyone...I.. don't blame you if you wish to send me away like Kiche did.. like.. Jayse.. I..I would gladly sit still..if..you chose to punish me for it.. I don't.. blame you if..if you wish to never..see me again." There...it was all out. Now to await the blow that would fall - be it verbal.. or physical. Vlarindara felt sick to her stomach..and knew that the bile she seemed to constantly live with was threatening to come back up. But for now, she would keep her position. Submitting and awaiting his retaliation.

Raigo's ears were tuned forward, alert to every word she spoke. He could hear the pain and her fear, and it killed him. He had not really been sure what he had been asking, when he had asked her to reveal to him what had happened. He had wanted nothing more than to ask why - to demand an answer that had plagued him so. Her presence had tortured his mind, and everyday, he found himself asking what was it that had driven her away. And as the reason became clear, the second could feel the rage begin to build.

The growling started, low in his chest, barely audible. His gold eyes narrowed, and he stared at the pathetic shell of Vlarindara, of what she had become. The scars that lined her face destroyed whatever beauty she might have once had. There was pain in his heart, pitying her for her loss of sight. But it had been deserved. The white female had lost sight of what had been important, what really mattered, and for it she had been punished accordingly. Of course, Raigo was being selfish - he was angry. Angry at her, and increasingly angry at Borden. The more she talked, the more he wanted to call the cowardly leader to the spot, to challenge him right then. Raigo was smaller and had no fighting experience really, but in that moment, he was angry enough to do something rash, just like the white female before him had.

Staring at her, his growl grew louder, the rage pushing inside of him. He would not attack her, and he held his ground, but his mind could simply not wrap around the fact that she had abandoned him and the rest of Grizzly Hollow, because of Borden. "How could you be so stupid?" The growl was harsh, but there was pity there too. "You knew back then, that Borden was not for you. Why would you bring us here if you could not be happy?" That was the key thing, wasn't it? She had been so focused on her own happiness, that she had cost him his. "You abandoned me, you abandoned Theo and Prosper, and the rest of the pack, all because you made the decision to live in an unbearable situation." It had been her own fault, and somehow, he could not quite stomach the pity he was feeling. It was just too much. "Why would Jayseyek let you come back? You put your own desires before the need of this pack. Just like Borden. Neither one of you deserves to lead, to have others rely on you." His voice grew louder, and his body began to shake, the rage inside building, demanding to be let out. "I relied on you. I needed you to take care of me. And you left. You left me. You haven't even tried to see me. Kiche never said you tried to come back, nobody knew you had tried. It's Kiche, for goodness sakes! Why not ask somebody who has real power within the pack?" Snapping irritably, he stamped his forepaws against the snow, sending light flurries everywhere. Huffing, he began to pace back and forth, his eyes never leaving her form. "What do you want me to do? I can't accept you, only Jayseyek can do that. You're going to die out there, soon enough. And I can't let that happen. But I can't leave Grizzly Hollow, they need me. So what is it do you want me to do, Vlar?" It was a challenge. There was one right answer, in Raigo's mind, but only time would tell if she would pick up on it and make the right decision.

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OOC: I have no idea if Vlar picked the right answer. Hah.. This thread has been on my mind for a while - and how to reply to it.. o___O; Sorry for taking so long to reply, Shadow. Surgery/trying to pick apart.. exactly how to respond.. etc. x._X

The growl immediately sent her into the instinctive live or die response and instead of remaining crouched upon the snow, the wolfess went belly up on the snow, her plumed tail curling up over her belly, front paws curling over her chest, hind legs coiling up over her abdomen. A whine slipped from her lips at his angered words, triangled ears folding against her skull, single amber eye focusing on the wolf that she considered her younger brother.

Well.. there was but one place to begin - and she started at the beginning of his questions. The first, she wasn't sure how to respond to. Not honestly. "I did..n't know that being with Borden would be so difficult. I had.. thought that I could get over my feelings, that I could put them aside. The pups were born, and I had something to distract me.. but I slowly realized that it wasn't enough. That when I saw the two of them together, I was jealous.. Angry.. It.. was slow to build." She wasn't sure why she was spilling her heart out to him.. But then - Raigo of all people deserved it. Deserved the truth.

She hadn't known at the time that it would be unbearable. Only during her time there did she realize how hard it was to be under the same 'roof' as Jaysyek and Borden. It was only when she'd realized that she'd had to leave. At first, her intention had been to relocate to another pack, but somewhere between point A and point B, she'd become lost. "I..know...full well what I've done.." Self loathing crept into her voice as she closed her eyes, shivering where she lay immersed in the snow. "Each day, I've dwelt on it.. Each day, I've hated myself more and more for the blood on my paws."

Did she blame herself for Prosper and Theo's Deaths? Yes. Undeniably. His anger rolled onwards and she fell silent, cringing for the duration of his angry tirade. When he began to pace, she tried to bite back the whine, but failed and knew the thin, reedy sound had come out despite her wishes. "There...is nothing I can say to change the past... I-I can't change it..I can merely..apologize, but I don't think apologies would fix it. I..didn't come to see you, because I didn't want.. you to see me like this. Crippled, alone.. I...I didn't..want to face the ...biggest fear of my heart after leaving you."

Had she been able to cry, Vlarindara was sure she would have. When she next spoke, her voice was whisper soft, barely audible over the wind that blew around them. "I was afraid you'd hate me.. send me away. At least..by not seeing you, I could fool myself..convince myself that.. there would still be a shred of what we used to have in your heart. The fear of truth..of..your..hatred and disgust kept me away.." And judging by his reactions, she should have stayed away...Each angry word from the Seconds lips left her cowering further, wishing fervently that she had died before Kiche found her. The beta began to pace and Vlarindara remained where she had lain, curled in as submissive a posture as she could get.

"I can't return to Grizzly Hollow. I knew that..the..moment I challenged Jaysyek." She also felt the truth in his words.. About her dying out in the wilderness. Vlarindara wasn't immune to the needs, the wants of the flesh. She knew that her time was dwindling... If the constant pinch of hunger in her gut was anything to think about.. That, and the sunken hipbones and protruding ribs - things she had become accustomed to. So..what was..she supposed to do?

"You have a life here. A family you love.. that loves you. They depend on you..I.. can't pull you away from that, nor will I." What did he want her to do? She could.. perhaps join another pack.. but what pack would take in someone in as bad a shape as she? "...what pack would want a wolf that can only half see, and can barely hunt.. a wolf that can't contribute with breeding season just around the corner?" There.. she'd said it. Vlarindara honestly didn't think any pack would take her. She'd.. managed so far.

Golden eyes could almost not believe the evidence in front of him. Who was this creature laying on her stomach in front of him? This was not Vlarindara, there was no way it could be. She was a regal lady, holding just as much pride in herself as Jaysyek or Elettra did. This submissive posture, especially directed towards him, was unexpected, and the shock alone quieted the youth's growls. And it was good that he did, else he might have missed the confession that followed. Her voice was soft and broken, and more than once, a whine slipped out. It quelled any conniption he might have had, and he forced himself to listen, body tense, ears pivoted towards her.

Visibly flinching as the broken white lady in front of him told her story, Raigo found his heart being pulled in a thousand directions. There was anger, to be sure - he was more than a little upset that she had abandoned him after she had promised him a secure home. In his mind, a secure home meant that she would be there. He had been young, barely a yearling when they had arrived in Relic Lore. He was no longer the inexperienced cub that he had once been, but that had not made the time he had gone without her any easier. The fact that she had put him in a position that she should have known to be unbearable, perhaps that was the worst. But there was pity in his heart, and sadness. Looking at a mere shade of what she had been, it broke his heart. For while he had felt abandoned and betrayed, he had never lost the love he held for her, though he had many time questioned hers. Throwing his head back, he closed his eyes, staring into the darkness created by closed lids. What was he to do? What kind of response did she deserve? Or want?

Finally, she touched upon the subject that his own mind had raked over since his conversation with Jayse. She had challenged the bi-colored eyed female, and had lost. Opening his eyes, he glared at her, golden eyes hard. How dare she leave for months on end, and then return, expecting to assume leadership over wolves who neither knew her nor trusted her. It was just as bad as Borden, expecting open arms and a friendly welcome after his disappearing act. But her mention of him leaving Grizzly Hollow, that sparked the rage again, and he found himself bristling his fur at her, slightly, but enough it would not be mistaken. "I would never leave Grizzly Hollow. They have been my family for me, when everyone else left me." He didn't say it, but he didn't need to - there was no way she would convince him to leave his post. "I wish you could come back, I really do. But you made your own bed, Vlar, it isn't my fault you have to sleep in it. Who joins Grizzly Hollow is Jayse's decision, nobody else's. You made a grave error when you tried to take what was rightfully her's. I'm only sorry that it is going to cost you so dearly." More formal than the situation required, but that was the truth. Simply stated, there was almost a shrug to his voice. What did she want him to do? "I doubt you'll be welcome anywhere, given your physical injuries. But you either try or you perish. I certainly don't desire the later, so I hope you'll try. There are other packs, ones who don't know of your history and cannot be biased against you." They were her best chance, and that was the truth of the matter. He had debated, but the tawny brown male would not call for his leader. She had made her decision when Vlarindara had first shown up. His role was to protect his pack, not ask favors of it.

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