Fallen Tree Cove Surface Tension

@Moonshadow

The dark alpha was on a mission to speak with Moonshadow. After discussing things with Birtie he only felt that it was right to tell his best friend and former co-lead. Though part of him did feel badly about it all, that the inky Eastfall wasn't the one that he was making the plans with. He also felt horrible that he hadn't checked on her in awhile. With Tagg and her children returning he supposed that he thought she would be busy tending to them, it really wasn't any excuse.

He moved through the cove at a trot searching for her freshest scent. When he found it he followed it until it brought him to her. Kajika barked a greeting as she came into view. He didn't want to sneak up on her and scare her since they hadn't spoken in awhile. They would fix that as long as she wasn't too upset with him, that was a worry of his.

I think I need help, cuz I'm drowning in myself

Im such a cry baby I made myself sad writing this DX

She had meant to get out of this funk by now but that darkness had its grip tighter than ever. She had just about completely isolated herself feeling like an outsider within her own home. Her children came and went and all she could do was hope they were okay and they were taught enough to sufficiently survive on their own. She and @Tagg had hardly spent time together since the cache incident, partly no mostly because Moon had avoided contact with just about everyone. And same went for her onyx best friend. Lately she just felt utterly defeated and her body language screamed this. Her large frame faced the water with her silver dusted tail wrapped arounf her hindquarters. Her head hung low with her ears nearly melted into her skull. Mercury orbs were hidden behind dark lids while she just sat quietly and hoped no one would find her. And as luck would have it the all too familiar bark of Kajika reached her ears. She knew exactly what this meant and she didnt know if she was ready to face it. Ready or not here he came.

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Poor Moon, I'm sad for her.

When he found her sitting there by the lake his pace slowed, she hadn't even turned at his bark. There wasn't a wag of her tail, nothing to indicate she had even heard his bark. It was rather obvious that she wasn't doing well at all. The dark alpha's ears and expression fell and he felt guilty for not seeking her out sooner and letting her know she wasn't alone bbn in what she was feeling. He stepped lightly down onto the lake shore closing the distance between them. He stopped just behind her and sat back on his haunches before taking a deep breath and letting it out. “This lake has seen many a sad wolf I would imagine. This reminds me of a time when I wasn't myself and it was you who wouldn't give up,” he spoke quietly to not disturb the peacefulness of the lake. Rising to his feet once more he moved to sit beside her and nudge her cheek. “Somethings bothering you Moonshadow and it's not going to get better until you let it out and I'm not going anywhere until you do. You didn't let me disappear and I'm not going to let you.”

(This post was last modified: Jan 16, 2019, 07:10 AM by Kajika.)

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I think I need help, cuz I'm drowning in myself

Yup im a baby XD

She felt guilty for not responding, yet something else to blame herself for, but she couldnt help it. It just wasnt in her at the moment. A single silver dusted ear flicked towards him as he sat behind her and spoke about how the lake had had its share of sad wolves along with how when it was he who was sad she didnt give up on him. A sigh fell from her maw as she remained silent when he moved to her side and nudged her cheek. The onyx man made it clear that she wouldn't feel better til she talked about what was bothering her and that he wasnt about to give up on her, just as she hadn't. "Even if that's the only thing I wanna do?" she asked leaving her eyes closed and head hanging.

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He felt badly for not being there for Moonshadow as much as he should have been. Maybe if he had been she wouldn't have gotten to this point of course there was the chance that he couldn't do anything. Still he had to try and help her the best he could. The words she spoke only reminded him of the bad place he’d been in not too long ago. “I know that seems the easy way to go Moonshadow but you have your family and they need you, I need you. You have to fight so that you can be there for all of us.” He was trying to give her a reason of why she had to fight but there was a bigger issue that needed sorted out. “Why do you want to give up?” he asked hoping that she would talk to him instead of brushing it off like she'd done so many times in the past.

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I think I need help, cuz I'm drowning in myself

Kajika told her that she was needed by not only him but her family. She shook her head and finally looked at him. Her mercury hued orbs were shiny from the threat of tears and full of pain. "The children are off on their own, Tagg 'n I have grown distant 'n ya..." She trailed off not wanting to admit out loud. "ya dont need me, ya have Birtie" dark brows furrowed, not in anger, but at the sound of her own words. She hadn't want to think it but she couldnt help it. It had been so long since they had spoken and she was no longer leading by his side. There was no need for her in the cove but the ebony woman couldnt bring herself to leave the only home she's really had.

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For him to even start to know how he might he able to help her Kajika needed to know why she wanted to give up. Thankfully she did speak but not before shaking her head at his words. She explained about her children and Tagg as well as him too. Kajika sighed not in frustration but worry. “Moonshadow,” he said nudging her cheek? “I know that it might seem like your children don't need you cause they are on their own but your their mother. They will always need you. As for Tagg, the two of you just need to spend some time together and maybe it would help if you explained to him how you feel.” The last to address was him, he didn't have to hesitate on this, “I need to too Moonshadow. Your my best friend, we've been friends for so long I can't imagine my life without you in it. I mean yes I do have Birtie but you can't be replaced.” Moonshadow would always be important to him.

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I think I need help, cuz I'm drowning in myself

Silver orbs moved from his face to her own paws as he nudged her cheek. He told her things her heart truly knew but for some reason wouldnt accept. Her children needed her and that her and Tagg would be closer if they spent more time together. She swallowed down a whine when he said that talking to Tagg would be better. She didnt want to talk about it with anyone, especially her husband. What if he looked at her different what if he didnt love her anymore?

Next he moved on to himself and easily said that he would always need her and how she couldnt be replaced. The next whine couldnt be held back. "No ya dont. Birtie loves ya and doin a better job at it than me and she's leadin better too" she countered turning away from him. She didnt want to do this anymore, all she wanted to do was hide.

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As he spoke Kajika said what he knew to be true no matter what she was telling herself. He knew from his own experience that the mind could play tricks. Tell you things that weren't true and make you believe them. He hoped that by her hearing these things from someone else it would help her to know just how true they were.

It was Birtie and himself that seemed to strike a chord with Moonshadow. She completely disagreed stating that Birtie was the one that he needed. “Yes, Birtie and I have a life together and yes she's doing a good job leading but Moonshadow that doesn't change the fact that your just as important in my life as you always were. Do you think I would be here talking with you, trying to help you if you weren't?” He said most of it to her back since she’d turned away from him, he wasn't going to give up on her.

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I think I need help, cuz I'm drowning in myself

A single silver dusted ear was turned towards him as he spoke. Spoke of how important she was to him despite that Birtie was in his life. He asked if he didnt still care would he be sitting here trying to help her. She sighed and turned back towards him, pausing a moment before getting the courage to look at him. "How could ya need me any more? Im not leadin', Ive failed Namid and Vespertio, Ive failed ya 'n the pack" she struggled to get out. That's how she really felt. Like she was a failure and no one needed a failure around.

Word Count: 000