even if it breaks your heart

Clear — Current Temperature: 48° F/9° C <i>Afternoon</i>

Sunlight danced across her closed eyes, gracing along her left side. Her triangle shaped ears were perked, but she heard nothing but that of her dreams. Slowly her rib cage rose in long, deep lengths the releasing air barely disturbing the dirt at her nostrils. After a morning patrol of checking things over. She found a nice dry spot, and had rolled around, stripping her loose winter coat from the new silver and white. A very thorough grooming session followed, and now her coat was a lot sleeker than it had been in months. She would have felt wonderful, if it was not for a couple of things. One being the season had caught up with her, and her body was ready to be a mother again. But was she? Her paws dug along the dirt in a restless fashion before hanging limp. Wither new perfume she did not stray far from home, she had no mind to attract any more males for the obvious reason.

Home. Home did not feel so safe either. She avoided being completely alone with the opposite sex. If Elettra was around she found herself hanging around her in quiet company, wondering how she was holding up. She chose to be around her children, enjoying the time before they became yearlings. The leader had not decided her fate yet, or maybe her fate was in no hurry to be set in stone.

Rolling onto her other side, she let out a quiet groan. The dirt floor outside the den had been fairly comfortable an hour ago, but now her bones ached with the rest of her body. She could not quite pull herself to wake up. She did not want to. At least in dreamland she realized nothing was real. Where in reality, there was no kind of escape.

(This post was last modified: Mar 11, 2012, 04:41 PM by Jaysyek.)

<blockquote>Valiant sat quietly, watching his lady sleep. He knew if he was caught so close by Elettra she would probably take his tail as a hat, but the turbulence amongst the males had him on edge and he needed to know what <i>she</i> wanted before he leapt one way or the other. Borden's request weighed heavily on his shoulders. He liked Kade, the wolf had gone out of his way to make Valiant feel welcome, had taken part in hunts with him and helped to smooth some of the tension between him and Silver, intended or not.

As much as the season tended to effect him he was capable of keeping himself in check. He respected his lady far too much to let something so trivial get his head ripped off by every other male in the pack, besides, there was no shortage of other females past their borders. As she rolled and groaned he shuffled back to maintain a short distance between them. She at least looked peaceful and relaxed when she slept. If this was the toll leadership took, he wasn't convinced he could go through with Rhysis's plan. But he knew he must.</blockquote>

She tried to fall back into the deep slumber she had been. The harder she tried, the more she found herself waking up. Drat. She couldn't avoid it any more. She wearily stretched her long long limbs, and toes slowly letting her eyes open to fcous. Everything was blurry, and bright while her jaws opened in a wide yawn. No one had spoiled her sleep, only her, and nap time was sadly over. She rolled herself onto her belly, ready to pounce to her paws when instead she froze in her tracks. Though he was not really close seeing the silver, and dust colored wolf had surprised her. Ears flinching back, and she went from crouch to stand, uncertain what had brought him this way. Or why he might stand be hanging around here. Shaking her coat, ridding herself of sleep, now that she thought about it he probably was preferring to stay close to home to keep out of trouble. Least it was plausible reason she might keep for answer.

"Good afternoon," she called almost walking over to him, but instead she resided to her haunches, aware personal space might be best. If he wandered her way it wouldn't exactly bother her. There had to be a more specific reason for him waiting for her to wake up. Or she'd like to think since thinking he was only watching her sleep creeped her out. "Need something?" She inquired, wanting to make it easier for him to speak. She had noticed how tight lipped he'd been at the meeting, and she couldn't shake the feeling he had something to tell her. She was ready for whatever it may be. The curves life had thrown at her brought her ready to expect about anything. Or she'd like to think. She had to have gained something from all the rough changes.

<blockquote>A small smile crossed his face at her obvious selflessness. She would have been entirely within her rights to tell him to wrack-off and come back later. It was going to be hard for him to put into words, but he would need to find a subtle way to word it so as not to add to the pressure she was already under. <b>"I, uh..."</b> oh great, he was already stuffing things up. He wished he was better with words like Rhysis. Sure he had a silver tongue with the ladies but when it came to anything useful, well... he just wasn't that bright.

He was stepping on delicate ground. Really it was none of his business, but he wanted, no, he <i>needed</i> to know what <i>she</i> wanted. <b>"Why isn't Borden the leader anymore?"</b> he asked a little puzzled. He had never really had a solid grasp on politics. He liked Kade a lot and Borden's orders had been weighing heavily on his shoulders since they were issued. As much as he wanted to stay out of it, he got the feeling at some point he would be pushed one way or the other and he wanted the full story before he leapt out of the frying pan and into the fire.</blockquote>

(This post was last modified: Mar 16, 2012, 01:28 PM by Valiant.)

Her lip twitched unevenly surpressing an bewildered, and yet humor grin. It appeared more like her smile moving, and then holding in place. He'd never stumbled over his words before, and she was getting more curious what was on his brain to have him act this way. She had loads of patience, and no real means to be else where so she shifted her weight more comfortably. Her pale brows rose, and he managed to mutter to not exactly important sounds. Yes? She wanted to ask, or even so close to muttering cat got your tongue? She softly blinked, trying to keep an open mind about what was on his mind.

The question, the one someone wondered one way or another reached her ears. It was than her face became smooth, void of any kind of expression but mere blankness. He had come to realize one way or another Borden had been the leader, and had not reclaimed the title. It was a bit of a delicate matter, not something she was about to sweep under the rug. Valiant wanted to know, and he had the right. She let out a quiet rush of breath between her lips, and clenched her teeth. She immediately relaxed. "I suppose the short version might be best?" She half asked, she didn't really wait for an answer. She was not going into the long story of things unless he seemed that eager. The short version could be lengthy as it was.

"Borden and I created this pack about a year ago actually as mates. Everything was pretty well, we had pups a couple months later. Five to be exact," she looked far off, a faded smile of happiness on her lips. Though Kiche was questionable in those days, it had been easier times, and they had been blissfully unaware of the future. "Our oldest boy Propser, you'll notice is not here was quite an explorer. He got lost for the second time and Borden went looking for him. The problem is we never knew he left too. Days turned into weeks, weeks months, and eventually Prosper's body was recovered. We did not know what happened to Borden. One day I was out hunting and found his trail leaving Relic Lore. Elettra, Raigo, and I figured he had left us like some other members." She wasn't smiling any more, muzzle was tipped down, and she gently shook her head. "But, you can see he came back. When he did, he was nothing of who he use to be, and no one has really forgiven him. I..I just can't give back what was once his." Her head lifted, and her eyes drifted to his hoping to convey the emotions behind her words.

(This post was last modified: Mar 16, 2012, 03:56 PM by Jaysyek.)

<blockquote>He hadn't wanted to upset her, but she took the question in stride. He almost sighed with relief before she began but managed the keep it contained. He listened intently as she began. <i>Five... and now there are three...</i> the realisation hit him harder than he ever would have expected. He probably had pups of his own scattered across the countryside, but thoughts of their potential rarely entered his mind, and now suddenly he wondered if any of them had survived... Drawing his attention back to his lady and her mismatched eyes, he continued to listen intently. <i>Prosper...</i> So that sort of explained the disappearance of one... the other probably met a similar fate.

And he just left? Didn't return to check on his mate or his remaining pups. He could feel his skin prickle at the similarities, difference was, Valiant had never claimed a pack or lands. His ears pinned back to his skull as he reminded himself he was the one to submit. He had chosen to give in instead of risking his own hide. Sure he wasn't here for the long term, but he had no intentions of letting Jayse down like that. <i>Can't give back...</i> But was it for her benefit or for the rest of the pack who knew and could not forgive. He didn't want to ask the next question, it wasn't in any way subtle but he didn't know how else to put it...

<b>"And if he chose to <i>take</i> it back would you reclaim him as your mate?"</b> He really was walking a thin line. If she said yes, then he would know it was what she wanted, but if she didn't reply? Well he still needed to talk to Kade.</blockquote>

No more questions came with what she said, and she was most grateful for that. It wouldn't seem any importance for Valiant to know the details of each tragedy. She herself wanted to forget them at times, and repeating him made her old wounds bleed with sorrow. The lady's eyes were holding to him, studying what each word might set off in action. He took things in silence, and he appeared much older, and wiser in those seconds. She wasn't sure what she had expected him to do or say. Everyone was different, and she wanted no more pity or sad appologies. She'd heard enough. His ears were the only clue he might be disturbed by his leader's past. Her pale brows rose ever slightly waiting for the silent questions.

What he asked next could have been a harsh cut, and blow. She sensed there was something troubling Valiant to make him ask this. Her brows creased over her eyes in worry. What was happening behind her back? She could almost hear Elettra saying I told you so. She snapped out of it, unwilling to let her mind go wild with crazed anxiety. It was a killer

Taking a short breath, her tail twitched and she wished he had not said mate. Could she answer this for Valiant if he could not for herself? Closing her eyes, she tucked her chin downward, and let out a most weary sigh. Then her chin snapped up. "Maybe, it depends. See I love Borden, but there is a part of him..how he use to be -- that is bound to be selfish for his own cause, and greatness. If I see that, then no. That's not Borden to me." She could have said nothing, or blurted a pathetic answer. She had long wanted to get those thoughts into words, and out of her system. Valiant, he seemed like a decent enough fellow to ask, and seemed fair to give him her honest thoughts. It made her feel better sharing it with him. He was probably the only impartial wolf in Grizzly Hollow not hell bent on chosing one or the other. There was something bothering Jayse, and she stood up. "Why do you ask this?" She inquired most coolly, her eyes not quite hard, but set in a firm manner. Something must have happened.

(This post was last modified: Mar 20, 2012, 05:07 AM by Jaysyek.)

<blockquote>Although he wasn't the sharpest wolf, all the pieces were falling into place. An almost subconscious nod moved his head as he listened closely to his leaders carefully chosen words. So he was best placed outside of the politics, as Rhysis had suggested. It really wasn't his place to interfere.

Her next question froze him in place, it wasn't one he expected to need to answer although if he had a few more brain cells it would have been the next obvious step for the conversation to take. He just didn't care to think that far ahead. Truth was, there was very little that had happened to make him ask the question, beyond Borden's request that he intimidate Kade, but he wasn't about to go sharing that and adding to his lady's burdens.

<b>"Oh, you know, gossip. Curiosity."</b> he said nonchalantly, a light smile crossing his features. She seemed almost peaceful until he had opened his big mouth. The last thing he wanted was to see her as burdened as the night he had met her at the lake.</blockquote>

Little emotion was seen upon his face when she answered him. That was probably for the best. She would love someone not to choose sides for a change, the more in the middle like her the better. What did that really matter? It made it no easier, and it did not bring them together. There was just another member not standing with another. When the day Grizzly Hollow united she could wanted to only imagine it as good. She was much more ready for it not to be. There was some kind of fight, some war they would be settled amongst themselves. Who would stay or go only fate knew.

His sudden quiet, almost shock of what she asked him, had her suspicious. He recovered smoothly, and she was not bothered by the answer he made. Even though she did not like how common knowledge her life was, it was a little to late for it not to be. "That tends to get the better of us all," she quietly stated, her mood somber compared to what it had been moments ago. She would not blame it on Valiant. She merely could not escape the gloom of reality.

With a sigh that could have been for several things she stretched her legs, and walked up to Valiant, inspecting him for a moment. There was something deeper bothering the wolf, but she would have no idea what. If she was to know he'd have to spill his guts. It seemed he would not, least to her. A slow wag of her tail, and faded smile she said, "W-e-l-l, a leader's work is never done, if you don't need something else I better finish what I started."