White Fir Notch I’m Bad News

Chan pushed back against her playful shove with a chuckle, returning it in kind. He followed her at a sleepy pace, far too tired to take liberties even if he was that kind of wolf. He waited for her lead instead, and when she gave her order the tawny wolf obliged. The scout took a few steps forward then slipped down onto his stomach in one fluid motion, and let himself roll right into the divot. Landing somewhere between shoulder and back, his mismatched eyes opened back up on the sky.

"mmm, this'll do," he spoke up lazily, stretching out his limbs to take up all the space. A smirk crossed his muzzle after holding the position for a few seconds, and then he sat up and curled his legs up under himself, giving plenty of space for Flair to settle in as close or as far as she'd like.

"You're on your way back to the mountain, huh?"

(This post was last modified: Jun 17, 2021, 12:44 AM by Chan.)

Despite being weighed down by exhaustion and whatever else, he still returned her shove, bringing a smile to her face. He also wasn’t too tired for a bit of teasing, so he made clear as his sizable frame took up most of the divot she’d found. Flair looked down at him with raised brows, again trying to give off the impression that she was unmoved by his antics; Though the smile she couldn’t keep off her face ruined the façade.   “Move oaf!” she barked, though her voice was more amused than annoyed, then she bounded down into the hollow, making a point of loafing down right up against his flank, as he settled to give her space. She stayed there for a while, enjoying the warmth of his closeness, gaze again drifting upwards. Then, when he spoke, she slumped onto her side, stretching her legs to push against him for a breath, before curling them up in the space between them.   Her attention was on him fully now, head tilting ever so slightly, as she tried to judge his tone; What’s going on in there? Is he upset…? She couldn’t tell, either way, so decided to simply answer his question, her own voice light: “That’s th’ plan! I promised Al I’d be back once… this was over.” She tilted her head to look down over herself, rolling her eyes in exasperation with natures effect on her body. Then she paused. Thinking of him and how they’d left things made a nervous knot start to form in her stomach; I hope I didn’t mess things up too bad…! Without looking back up at Chan, she asked: “How is… Everybody?” Hopefully her tone still seemed casual, though she couldn’t keep from chewing on the inside of her lip as she waited for the answer. ”Speech" Thoughts

dawnthieves.de, FairieGoodMother @DA & Lakela @DA

Finally, he was able to relax. It took actual effort not to promptly fade away, conked out and snoring against Flair's side. His muzzle settled atop his only outstretched leg and his eyes closed as he listened to her answer. Promised, had she? He smiled, happy that she wanted to stay with the Cove wolves. Hopefully it lasted, and he'd be able to see her too when he visited.

Something seemed to change a little then, and he opened his green eye to peer at her.

"Mmm," he hummed again as he took a moment to think about his answer.

"Everyone's good. Nash isn't too happy with me," and I pushed Lila away, he chose to leave out, not wanting to be dramatic despite it being very much how he felt.

"I guess he thought I was gonna be like, a permanent member. Well I. He thought I told him I would..."

Chan drifted off, not really sure he had the energy to get into the specifics. It felt like a lot of breath, and she hadn't asked for any of his family drama.

"Anyways, we finally picked a den, and Aleister's called us Sanguine Cove."

She should just let him sleep; it was obvious how worn out he was. However his answers only prompted more questions, a frown settling over her fiery features; Nash? Upset?! It was hard to even imagine, the brothers seemed so close. But then, if he felt Chan was ditching him – Wait, what?!   Before she could speak up, he mentioned Aleister, which was enough to spin her thoughts back to her own worries for a moment. It sounded like they were doing well, a den, and a name; “Sanguine Cove, huh?” She said it slowly, tasting the words as her own head settled down onto her legs; So it’s official then… A proper pack, that’s what she would be returning to; Am I ready for that?   Well, if her and Al could work it out – she was getting along well with the others – and Chan would be there; Hold on! Her head jolted back up as she finally came back around to what he’d been saying earlier; “You’re not staying? At th’ Cove, you aren’t part of th’ pack?” She couldn’t hide the shock in her voice, though she tried not to let any accusation slip in with it; It can’t be! He was the one who brought her there in the first place, and his own family was there too; “Why?” ”Speech" Thoughts

dawnthieves.de, FairieGoodMother @DA & Lakela @DA

For a moment, he thought she really wasn't surprised. He even let his open eye drift closed once more, relaxing into the comfort of not having to explain. Then his stomach dropped as her reaction came, delayed but still impactful. Chan's ears had already eased back, but now they were pressed firmly against his scalp and he fought his body's desire to cringe away from the other wolf.

His eyes turned back toward her, one desire clear within them; please don't be mad. He didn't want to upset yet another wolf he cared about.

"... I haven't been a... steady member of the Cove since I was like... half a year old," he finally decided to share, unable to just concisely answer why because it was a solution he'd yet to find.

"It's just..." a rare hint of frustration began to peak through in his words as he struggled, "there's so much I love about the mountain, but when I'm there, the longer I'm there I... I just start to feel..."

The word didn't come. He couldn't find it.

(This post was last modified: Jun 17, 2021, 02:50 AM by Chan.)

She was back to chewing her lip, ears pressed back flat against her skull. She wasn’t angry with him, what for? I’m just… Surprised. A large part of what had made her feel like she could have a home at the cove was him, so to think that he didn’t feel that way was baffling.   The look in his two-colored eyes made her visibly cringe, guilt washing over her as she realized she had probably just reacted the exact same way as Nash; Why can’t I learn to read a situation?! She silently scolded herself, turning down her eyes and drooping her ears in remorse.   She knew he’d been travelling since he was young, though she’d never realized just how young exactly. Still, she understood the longing for something else so very well, her heart aching at the memory of her own troubled childhood. The touch of ire in his voice made her look back up, brows lifting slightly; Have I ever heard him be angry before? She didn’t think so. Perhaps that was why she was so shocked now.   But what he was saying rang bitterly true within the fiery woman too, his tangled feelings mirroring what she was just starting to untangle in herself. “Smothered?” She offered, when the silence had stretched too long, her voice small. She didn’t know if that was the word he was looking for, she wasn’t even sure it was the right fit for how she had felt, growing up, but at least it was something. “I’m sorry Chan, I was just surprised I… I never knew you felt that way.” She swallowed, looking away from him again. She felt like a bad friend, having assumed so much about him; What else have I gotten wrong? ”Speech" Thoughts

dawnthieves.de, FairieGoodMother @DA & Lakela @DA

Smothered. The word resounded in his head, as though attempting to fit into place and failing. It helped, but it didn't click. Stunted? He continued to mull the thought over, until Flair began to apologize and stole his attention once more. His eyes widened slightly with mild surprise; she had nothing to be sorry for in his view.

"Hey, you're not alone," he attempted to comfort her; only his mother had seemed to have had any inkling this was coming, and probably only because she'd seen him leave so many times before.

"It's my fault. I should have been more clear with everyone, instead of assuming."

Assuming that they all understood him, when the whole point was, fundamentally, that they were not the same. His family was more than content staying on the mountain, in one place with the same faces for ever. Chan was the opposite, leaving a chasm of distance in which differences were given room to sprout and grow. He'd thought Lila was more like himself than them but...

"Sorry to hit you out of the blue too."

She didn’t know what to think or feel. It was like all her thoughts over the past month had been turned on their head, her world being put into an entirely new light. His words did nothing to mollify her guilt, nor the turmoil inside her, it was like, suddenly she was back to square one, with nothing to show for all her time back in the Lore.   She almost smiled at his apology, but the expression quivered and died on her lips. He was trying to take the blame, but she couldn’t put it on him, only herself. She shook her head sadly; “No, I assumed!” He’d never said he would stay, that he wanted to settle down; “I jus’… I’ve never really had any friends before, so meeting you…” She paused, looking down at the ground while she tried to compose her thoughts. A heavy sigh fell from her lips; “I jus’ thought maybe I’d finally found a place t’ belong.” She was too scared to look back up at him, worried she might be hurting him more, yet she felt she needed to explain; “But if you’re not there, an’ Al…”   She gave up, burying her muzzle between her legs with a muffled whine. Emotions were too complicated; Especially with these stupid hormones…! But she couldn’t really blame her heat for this mess, it had been going on long before spring started. Maybe she had been too desperate, clinging to the first touch of connection she’d felt in years; It’s not fair to them…! It certainly wasn’t fair to Chan, her hanging her whole future on him being around, pressing him to stay in one place when he didn’t feel happy. “I was just thinking about m’self.” She mumbled into her fur, feeling altogether miserable about it. ”Speech" Thoughts

dawnthieves.de, FairieGoodMother @DA & Lakela @DA

Chan smiled softly, but it wasn't really a happy expression. It faded entirely as Flair continued speaking, his chest tightening with a familiar ache. He hadn't realize that his presence symbolized, and therefor meant, so much to the others. It wasn't like they were the only wolves to ever ask him to stay, much less be upset that he refused to. When it came to the Cove, however, and everyone connected to it, everything felt so much more visceral and permanent. After all, it was easier to tell yourself that your summer-long fling would get over you than your sibling. Of course it would be a lasting injury for @Nash, they were each others' only brother. No one was going to come and replace the space Chan left behind.

At least that wouldn't be true for Flair. She would make plenty more friends, he was sure of it.

An' Al...

Confusion knitted his brows, and at first he didn't react. Had he missed something? Chan scanned his mind for an obvious answer, waiting for something to click, but came up with nothing. Was... Aleister thinking of leaving too... ?

He heard her speak again, his eyes lifting once more. She looked emotionally agonized, and a frown cut across his muzzle as guilt festered within. Thinking of herself? Well, shouldn't she be? He couldn't fault her for wanting to belong somewhere. Where.

Home doesn't have to be a place, he'd told her.

Chan wanted to reach over and comfort his friend, but the cloying scent of her heat kept him at bay, not wanting to cross a line.

"It doesn't feel that way to me," he offered, trying to alleviate her remorse without invalidating whatever emotions she was experiencing.

"... what... what about Al?"

Chan didn't like to pry, but if the pack's sole alpha was thinking of departing this soon... it impacted his own future greatly.

(This post was last modified: Jun 17, 2021, 03:53 AM by Chan.)

Caught up in her own emotion, she didn’t immediately realize how much she’d let slip. Instead, she only groaned vaguely at Chan’s attempt at comfort, knowing he meant it, but still feeling like she was in the wrong. She’d been naïve to assume, just because her first friends were all in the same pack that they would stay there forever. She had left her own family, several times, because she didn’t feel at home where they did; Uuugh…!   His question drew her out of her own self-pity with a jolt. Drawing her head out just enough to peer up at him, she tried to think of what to say. She hadn’t meant to bring up her blunder with Aleister at all, but now that it was out, she thought she owed Chan an explanation; Especially after all he’s shared… She cleared her throat, trying to remove all emotion from her voice as she answered: “It’s nothing, really, it’s jus’…” To her great dismay, the fiery girl felt heat rise to her cheeks; “Before I left we… He…” She fumbled, feeling herself growing hotter with every word, but she forced them out, while keeping her eyes fixed on Chan’s chin the whole time; “He wanted t’… you know, but I couldn’t. I wouldn’t!”   Again she felt guilty, guilty for not knowing what she wanted one minute, and then forcing it on others the next. If she had just stayed with Al, stayed at the Cove, maybe it could have all worked out; But it wasn’t right… A stubborn voice pressed in the back of her head. Just like it wasn’t right, forcing herself on Chan. With a heavy sigh, she finally freed herself from her legs, looking to meet Chan’s eyes directly; “I’m afraid I messed it all up,” she admitted, feeling horrible and relieved at the same time, finally saying the words; “That I ruined our friendship…” Which would mean that she had nothing left at the Cove now, at all. ”Speech" Thoughts

dawnthieves.de, FairieGoodMother @DA & Lakela @DA