Lost Lake i bend the definition of faith

@Aleister

But I put it out of my mind Long enough to call it courage To live without a lifeline

She just felt so lethargic. She didn’t want to move, and the energy definitely wasn’t there. She recognized it for what it was, her body working to create life which still shook her deep to her core as she continued to spiral in existential crisis. Still, she forced her way through it, because she felt this driving need to be useful and to prove her worth. She could sleep later, after she had helped hunt, or patrolled the borders, or gathered more herbs. She had been gathering locally but knew that soon she would have to brave a trip down the mountainside in order to find herbs that didn’t grow at such altitudes.

Anything she could do to keep busy, she was doing to keep busy. She hadn’t missed that she was the only scent to change, and she knew that she had to fight to prove her worth, at least that was what she thought she knew. It was the idea of reciprocity. She did a good job, did her job and then some, and she was allowed to stay. She didn’t even know what Aleister was thinking. What if he decided the pack couldn’t support two litters and kicked her out? The idea sent a sense of dread into her stomach because she couldn’t do this alone. She supposed she could make the voyage home, and she knew her father would help take care of her, that the numbers of the Trail could support the life she brought into the world, but it was such a long journey to make given her condition.

One of these days, she would need to stop catastrophizing and actually speak to Al about her anxiety, but for now she just worked on hunting down herbs just outside of the pack borders to bring back for storage.

What had he done?

A blank stare was directed towards the open expanse of the Lost Lake, his mind trying though struggling to wrap his head around the consequences of his reckless behavior last month. Aleister was going to be a dad. What?! Of course, he knew about the birds and bees talk, but from what he gathered it didn't always take with one try. Typically it took a few weeks of the couple constantly together to produce any life. But, apparently, he was some super male with powers of fertility as he not only knocked up one female with one try but now two! He didn't want to think of the mystery woman he spent time with. Al wasn't the god of fertility, after all.

He stood alone by the lake for some time, trying to reel in the anxiety that racked through his brain. What was he going to do with two litters of pups? Were they going to be able to support all the cubs being brought into the Cove? As he was spiraling, her scent bombarded his senses, making him jump out of his skin almost. Mismatched gaze searched for her dark coat, his feet taking him to her side. "Aquene," he breathed, not sure where to start.

 

(This post was last modified: Apr 01, 2021, 09:34 PM by Aleister.)

But I put it out of my mind Long enough to call it courage To live without a lifeline

She hadn’t been paying too close of an attention to her surroundings, because Aleister was easily able to appear without her knowledge until he said her name and he fell in at her side. She could feel the anxiety pressing down like a crushing weight, like ‘here it is, here it comes’. She didn’t know what to say, instead her tail tucking lightly under her legs in an almost submissive manner. “Aleister.” She greeted softly in turn, a hint of hesitation. Needless to say, she had not planned for any of this to happen, and now she felt more like a burden.

It went without saying that neither of them had thought this would take, and one careless night was not going to define the life of multiple pups in a month or so’s time. What was there to say? He probably didn’t even care. It wasn’t like he had asked for this. She had thrown herself at him, and now what she felt was a generalized embarrassment and just a hint of fear. The question from earlier reiterated in her mind: what the fuck did she know about raising children? She didn’t know what to say, and so she simply said nothing at all.

Or more of, she said the only thing she could even think of saying in that moment. “I’m sorry… I mean, I didn’t expect this to happen.”

Her reaction to his presence worried him, his gaze mirroring his emotions as he stopped walking alongside her. Perhaps, she didn’t want to be around him at all as she now realized what consequences they faced. Aleister didn’t blame her if that was the case. He should of known better as he was the older one in their relationship or whatever this between them. Hesitation clear in her voice, prompting his ears to flicker backwards with anxiousness.

Part of him was writhing in fear while the older and mature side of him was somehow happy this was happening. Not Aquene flinching away from him in submission, but the fact that he was soon going to have children of his own. Perhaps, his children should have come about in a better way like how he and his siblings came into this world surrounded by mated parents that had somewhat planned it out. Instead, they were going to enter this world where their parents didn’t know what they were doing at all and had no idea where to start with co-parenting. However, Aleister was determined to make sure all of his children were going to be loved and cared for no matter who their mother was.

Her words were as soft and hesitant as when she greeted him. ”Don’t be sorry, please don’t ever be sorry about this.” He spoke softly, his mismatched gaze trying to meet hers. Lowering himself to be smaller than her, he approached her again, more carefully this time. ”You are not going to be alone in this. I’m here.” And he was committed, whatever she needed and whenever she needed it. ”I’m here for anything and everything, okay?”

 

But I put it out of my mind Long enough to call it courage To live without a lifeline

The anxiety bubbled in her chest and she clearly didn’t know how to process any of it. She had trained hard in her craft, but nothing had prepared her for this. Nothing had prepared her to take care of herself in a situation like this, nor how to deal with the consequences of falling into bed with a man who was closer to her father’s age than to her own. She noted the way that he shrank down to her size and admittedly it did wonders to calming her. She relaxed just a little bit, though she still kept her gaze down.

She felt like this was her fault. He was off with the woman that she presumed was his mate, as she didn’t really know Kip all that well… and here she was some awkward teenage side-floozy. He told her not to apologize, but she felt like there was nothing else that she could do. She had put him in this situation. She felt responsible, but then again she had always put the weight of the world on her shoulders. She had done it when she had run, the way she grieved.

His words could have brought tears to her eyes, a soft look as she finally brought her gaze up to meet his. “I’m scared.” She admitted softly, which was certainly not something she admitted often. “I’ve never done this before… I’ve helped others through it but I haven’t the slightest idea what I’m doing and I’m barely even an adult! How am I supposed to be a mother?” The words weighed heavily on her chest, but voicing them aloud allowed for the weight to lift slightly. It was terrifying, but it felt so good to admit.