Jasper Rocks Catching Teardrops in my Hands

OOC: ...Let's see what happens.. o.O;

Days had stretched into weeks, the weeks into months.. and Vlarindara had grown far less able to care for herself than she had ever been - even when she had been sick and caring for Raigo. There were things that she'd been able to find as the snows began to melt, just enough to give the emaciated she-wolf enough food to give her energy to make the trip. Her intention was to travel across Relic Lore and move towards Jasper rocks - a favored fishing spot.. and spawning place for the fish there. Food should be abundant..

That morning, the sunlight had crept into the mouth of the warmed den in Riddle Heights, waking the female from her slumber. As she got to her feet, patches of her fur pulled away, leaving raw spots of skin in their wake. The fact that she had survived the winter was a miracle, but she knew that if she didn't manage enough food for the next few days, she wouldn't make it through spring, or any further cold-snaps of winter that might be clinging to the land.

A pronounced limp in both front legs made her hobbling trek towards the other side of the land even harder. he scars upon her shoulders having been giving the half-blind lady no end of trouble in her travels. She was, after all five years old.. or so by her figuring. Her body felt like she was ten.. maybe fifteen. Vlarindara felt old - and wasn't sure she could manage to actually figure out what it was she was supposed to do. Living alone in her home in Riddle Heights only did so much. Wolves weren't meant ot be alone...Even Angier had left her - or.. she'd gone off to hunt when he had, hoping he'd remember her home.

As of yet, the elder Lyall hadn't found her, and Vlarindara was worried that he to had abandoned her as everyone else had. The sores upon her white..no, her dirtied brown hide were painfully obvious as she slowly worked her way through the woods, head lowered to concentrate on moving, walking. Simply putting one foot in front of the other. Torn and injured ears lay where they would. single amber eye, now used to only seeing half of what she used to, casting left to right to scan the path before her.

It took her.. the better part of almost two days to cross the land in her shape, sleeping where she could, and walking when she was able. But by the time the female made it to Jasper rocks, she merely stood, staring at the pools of water, thin legs shaking with the effort of holding her up. The sores upon her left hip and shoulder had cracked open and sluggishly begun bleeding down her hide. An injury she was more than familiar with these days. She wasn't ill, thankfully - but Vlarindara doubted somehow that she would manage to catch *anything* above ground, exuding the scent of blood as she was.

Approaching the water and biting back a whine as the wounds pulled, Vlarindara looked at her reflection in the water a moment..simply trying to convince herself that she was instead attempting to focus on the fish below. What reason did the gods have to keep her alive? Oh, that's right.. to atone for her sins of the past. To atone for the damage she'd caused Raigo, the lives her selfish desires had cost. A sigh slipped from pale lips before she slowly waded into the still frigid waters as she once had to fish..

Shock hit her system as the cold water swirled into her skin, leaving her shivering nearly uncontrollably, but she was determined. The waters were tinted with pink as the clear liquid washed her pelt, taking both blood, further mats of fur and dirt with it. All in all, she wasn't surprised to find that she was probably only wearing half the fur she should have. When her winter coat had begun to give way to what SHOULD have been a summer coat.. there was less fur to take its place. Due to malnutrition, she assumed. She was just happy that it wasn't cold - and that her den was warm.

Jaws opened and snapped at the water as the silver fish darted beneath the surface. She didn't have the strength to shock them as she once had.. so instead, Vlarindara sought to dive her head beneath the surface to grab a meal.. or what SHOULD have been an easy meal. It only led to her more or less shivering, soaking wet and floundering in the water. Without food. Drat...She couldn't go back to her den this way - Vlarindara knew it was far too..well, far away without eating.

Dragging herself from the waters edge, the white lady began digging painfully at the ground around the rocks.. hoping to dig up something to eat.. maybe a rabbit.. or a bird that had been frozen in the snows. Her search proved fruitful, and she found what she assumed was once a starling or something of some sort.. Barely a mouthful, but she gulped it down greedily, before once again snuffling around the base of that tree.. Perhaps there were more?

Soaking wet, she looked even worse than when she was dry. The water had seeped into her fur, leaving it plastered to her side - or what was left of them. Each rib, and almost every bone was visible.. her body having literally eaten everything she had to offer in order to survive. Had Vlarindara seen herself now.. when she'd been here months ago - she wouldn't have believed it possible. Would have laughed to know that she would be in such a state over the course of a mere few months. But then, when she thought about it.. it had been longer than a few months.

<blockquote>Afternoon. It seemed about that time, the sun at a great heigth straight above the world, her part any way. With a face neither happy nor sad she padded along the famliar bends of the Hollow doing her round a second time. She was having a hard time wanting to be near ayone, and merely felt like she was existing than living. What had been a new start, or had felt like,had her hollow inside making her feel inadequate, and imcomplete. Worse, unworthy and tainted with more guilt. This was not what she wanted. Any more she was starting to care less, and less about herself. She tried to put her energy into making life better for those under her reign. Those even in those efforts she felt like a huge failure. Her white tail twitched behind her, but it was not out of happiness. It was more the energy of the torment that she was captive too. She would have thought making a choice would have made things easier, not everything was just wrong. She though, not sure what she hoped to find meandered to the pool of Jasper Rocks.

The warm temperature it had melted greatly, and was almost in it's <span class='word'>vernal</span> state. This was after the little snow fall of winter saying it's last goodbye. Jayse was quite wrapped in her throughts she didn't realize the lone wolf's scent that carried around. She wanted to hurt herself, and stared blankly at the crystal pool. Who she was her father. A wolf who tried to live to lives not one. Had she merely become him after all this time? After how hard she'd tried to stay away from anything like it? A digusted sigh escaped her lips, and her ears pinned against her skull. <i>Stupid.Stupid.</i> Maybe, she <i>should</i> have the same fate as her mother. How much more easy would the world go round without her.
Eyes closed not wanting to look at her face, and she stiffenly wrapped her tail around her body. It's about when she tried to shut her brain down it dawned on her she was not alone. Eyes flashed open, and her lip twitched at the strong scent of blood. How had she not noticed it? Head low, she spun around trying to see where Vlarindara Windrunner was.

Who she saw did not look like her. It was a far cry from the other white lady she had met. Her mismatched eyes would narrow, then widen in the shock of what was left of her. She was nothing more than a walking skeleton what was left of her hair tightly curved around each sad bone. The anger in her heart melted away, and her clamped jaws loosened. There was a sorrow to her golden, and blue eyes staring at the creature she had hated, liked, and hated again. Was everyone she knew bound for some hell?

Jaysyek wanted to shut her eyes, and blink the foul image away. How more cowardly could she be. Slowly, though her face was contoured in disbelief she raised a limb stepping in the wolf's direction. <b>"Vlar?"</b> she whispered, wanting very much to wake up from the nightmare that was her life. There was no escape in heaven or hell. She boldy took another step, before coming to a halt aware Vlar might be very skiddish especially when she realized who was speaking to her.</blockquote>

(This post was last modified: Mar 20, 2012, 08:30 PM by Jaysyek.)

OOC: I wanna just snuggle Jayse and hug her ! D8 For Srs.

Her search for further food proved futile, but then, Vlarindara felt she may have found more if the footsteps of another hadn't caught her attention, pulling it from her digging. The dirtied white female froze when another ivory form seperated itself from the trees, single amber eye widening when she realized that not only was it another wolf - but jaysyek. Quietly glancing around, the white female made her way painfully around a tree, hoping to hide her form from the other wolf.. to wait until she vacated so she to could leave.

The angry words snarled upon the white leaders lips had stuck with her, haunted her since her departure of Grizzly Hollow months ago. She hadn't forgotten the threat within the bi-eyed wolfess's voice that day, and truly believed that should they cross paths again, Jaysyek would be the only one to walk away from their meeting. Moving as slowly as she could so as not to draw attention to herself, Vlarindara had *almost* made it behind the tree when the sudden sound of movement had her standing frozen once more, a forepaw lifted in the air.

The silence stretched on, and she held still, eyes squeezing shut. Please don't be looking at me, please don't be looking at me...came the frantic whisper in the back of her mind. She knew that if Jaysyek spotted her, she'd run her off.. and Vlarindara knew she wouldn't be able to outrun the irate alpha in any capacity. Her heart hammered in her chest as she waited, holding her breath and praying. A footstep had her shaking nearly incontrollably. She'd seen her.. Oh stars, she'd seen her.

Panic rent through her, growing as fast as the vernal plants that grew around them. Oh no...Move...Run..DO SOMETHING! she screamed at herself.. but all she could do was stand still, silent...Trembling in fear. The single word was uttered, and like it was a whipcrack in the air, the wolfess dropped to the ground, her tail sliding so far beneath her it was almost as if she had none at all. Vlarindara huddled upon herself in as small a ball as she could manage, ears folding against her neck as a whine trickled from between clamped lips, despite her effort to halt it.

Jaysyek took another step and she cringed, keeping her head down, eyes still squeezed as tightly shut as she could make them. I'm not a threat, please please don't hurt me...She wanted to cry out, to beg to be granted the chance to escape before those jaws closed upon her flesh. No words passed her lips, however.. instead, she remained huddled where she had stood previously. In the silence that followed, Vlarindara managed a trio of words, almost as if in shabby defense of herself.

"I-im...not tresspassing..' Almost a plea that Jaysyek would realize they weren't on pack lands, but on Neutral ground. Vlarindara hoped it would be enough to save her hide further injury. Slowly, she turned her head to look at Jaysyek, quickly averting her eyes to the forest floor at her paws, making herself as small and insignificant as she possibly could seemed like the best course of action. At least..she hoped it was. if the Grizzly Hollow alpha refrained from attacking her, perhaps she had a chance to escape with her already injured hide in tact.. To..perhaps live to see Raigo another day.

<blockquote>The reactions of Vlar were not wanted, but did not surpirse her to say the least. She became insatly smaller, flattened to the ground absolutely fearful of the Grizzly Hollow leader who had blinded her to so long ago. She too was aware what she had said at their last meeting. There was not a bone in her body that wanted to hurt Vlarindara. She looked like she'd been punished enough, and Jaysyek was more mad at herself then the lady before her.

Miserable whines cut against her ears, and she pinned them back to her head as if the action would block the sound. They were loud, and she wanted to ask her to stop it. She was not about to make any demands. She had to fight not to walk closer, to stay where she was. Vlarindara wouldn't trust her, and she had good reason too. She had threatned to hurt her more badly upon sight. It saddened her deeply to see the once proud wolf huddle into the ground hoping it swallowed her up. Her throat began to clamp, and form a hard rock in it's top. Did Raigo know had bad of shape she was in? Had he seen her after there meeting? It sickened her to think what anyone would think upon seeing her like this. She looked like she should be dead with crows eating off her carcass.

The plea within her next words made Jayse smile so weakly. She cleared her throat, saying, <b>"I know."</b> A sad, very worn smile tugged at the corner of her lip. She was surrounded by ruins, they were not structures they were beings she had known. She could not help but wonder if she had caused such destruction. She was connected in too many ways.

Taking a deep breath, Jayse dropped her head significantly just staring at the grass, fallen pine needles, and patches of dirt at her paws. She had no idea how to convince Vlar the last thing she wanted to do was hurt her. She'd already done that, and not just physical. Where to start, what to say, it didn't seem possible.

<b>"I,"</b> she started, but quickly clamped her jaws. She did not look at Vlar, but continued to stare blankly at the damp earth. She had a lot she could say. <b>"I'm <i>n.o.t.</i> going to hurt you, <i>Vlar</i>,</b> she whispered with all the kindess she held, the hint of sorrow strong within her tone. <b>"I couldn't do...that...not any more."</b></blockquote>

She fell silent when Jaysyek assured her that she knew they were on neutral grounds. Good, that meant she could leave...get away before being harmed even more..right? The female waited, hearing the intake of breath and waiting for the snarl to follow.. but when it didn't, she chanced cracking open an eye and glancing towards Jaysyek, frowning at the fact that the white female was still standing where she had last been. Vlarindara was almost ready to get up and bolt, when she realized that Jaysyek was speaking.

Wait..what? HOLD IT.. *what*? She swore that her brain literally stopped functioning for a few moments as it attempted, and failed to process that information. Vlarindara had to play it over in her head a few times until it sunk in, and only once it.. had did she glance towards the bi-eyed lady. W...what.. Why? Vlarindara shifted, still holding herself to the ground as low as she could possibly get - knowing full well that the mud was coating her undersides and not caring. Why.. had Jaysyek suddenly changed her mind? Where once, she would have said 'she'll kill me' in a heartbeat.. Now.. she wasn't so sure.

That single amber eye looked up at the other, and this time she managed to bite back the whine, but when she spoke, her voice trembled as much as she herself still was. It was just a joke - a ploy.. right? To make her trip up. To give Jaysyek a reason to chase her away from neutral lands. "W-...what...why? N-not that ..I-im not..g-grateful..but.." But why? She'd done nothing but hurt the Grizzly Hollow leader.. she'd been single handedly responsible for the deaths of two of her sons... What..reason did Jaysyek have NOT to hurt her?

<blockquote>The awful damn silence was loud in her ears, the creek seeming so far away. Was it more like the Bramble Falls roaring in her ears she could almost be convinced she was deaf? Her molars clamped together, grinding against each other to fill the annoying void. She tipped her jaw upward to dare take a chance to see what her words had caused. Vlar was blown away, looking like she Jaysye might have just told her she was a unicorn here to grant her magical wishes; rather then not hurting her. When their eyes would meet Jayse saw the eye her fang had faintly pierced. She had blinded Vlar...and ironicly they both had unmatching eyes. Jayse's old friend guilt wrapped it's arms around her, pointing out how horrible she was. No wonder Vlar was starving!

A whine she was almost certain was about to start, and Jayse would probably lose it. The whine ceased before it really began, and she merely stared back at the remains of someone she'd thought was her enemy, friend, enemy, and was something else before her at this time. What she couldn't say.

The pent up breath that was fussing from falling out, and being sucked back in released. The leader's crown jerked up. <i>Why?</i> She had to ask herself that. Why could she not hurt the lady before her again? Why not just drive her away with a snap of her teeth, and growl of her throat? Wouldn't that be easier? Maybe, but in the long run Jayse was sick and tired of all the damage, all the hurt, and being a source of it.

<b>"Because, I'm tired of being a tormentor...I'm tired of holding onto the past. You..you look like someone's punished you enough."</b> She said, her voice finding life, almost a boldness plea to make Vlar realize Jayse did not want too. Those reasons she had let go, they were gone, non-existent. Jayse was ready for peace, real peace. Forgiving not only Borden, but Vlarindara were the first steps to it weren't they?</blockquote>

It took her some time to force herself to realize exactly what it was that Jaysyek was talking about. To force her tired brain to understand that no.. she wasn't actually going to hurt her. The silence had stretched on, and she had remained quiet..listening to the words spoken by the bi-eyed female. The unspoken words in her voice brought a pang to the dirtied females heart as she lowered her head, this time resting it upon muddied paws. She could relax.. somewhat, but still didn't think she could safely get to her feet.

The words that slipped past her lips were thin, breezy almost - but carried just as much emotion in them as the Alpha's previous ones had. She regretted leaving the Hollow, regretted challenging Jaysyek all those months ago on a spur of the moment..But one thing she regretted the most - above the loss of her eye, her health. The friendships she had lost when leaving the pack. Quietly, both eyes drifted shut, too tired to hold them open anymore. At least for now. "I-I miss our conversations....before.." And she did.. Though they met little, Vlarindara did rather enjoy the discussions they had gotten into before she'd left.

She continued, hoping that what she was saying was the right thing...that she wouldn't raise the ire of the white lady standing before her. "There isn't.. enough punishment in this world for what I've done..Those I've hurt through my neglect." She didn't come right out and say it - that she held herself responsible for Prosper and Theo's deaths...but she did. She held herself responsible for Bordens' disappearance as well. Had she not left her post, Prosper wouldn't have gotten lost and Borden wouldn't have been gone searching for him all those months. The pack wouldn't have suffered.. and Theo would have had a caretaker to.

Slowly, she opened her eyes and lifted her head, fixing her amber orb on Jaysyek. "Alpha, mother.. Leader. All things you are..but Tormenter? N-..Not that I've seen.." Her eyes closed as Vlarindara once again lowered her head to her paws, a heaving sigh as she forced herself into a seated position, drawing herself from the mud to at least get..some form of normalcy. "You did no more, and no less than what should be expected of a Leader.. one under duress of leading a pack with young pups alone."

"...I..admire...your strength.. The tenacity you had to continue...I-..ran when things got too hard for me...You embraced them." She was secretly envious of the heterochromic alphess, but not in a bad way - Vlarindara had learned that she was no alpha. She may manage the position of a Second.. or once - been able to .. but to be an alpha? Surely not. Her gaze remained near her front paws so as not to cause a challenge of some sort, but she also still cringed upon herself.. fearing she'd said too much.

<blockquote>It should probably take a lot of time for Vlar to wrap her head around the bend Jayse had spoken. What was the proper length of time? She couldn't believe it was a fact, certainly she could believe there was some truth to it. Couldn't she? Jayse wasn't the begging kind, not exactly, but she wanted, desperately for Vlar to believe her. She hadn't hurt Kiche after his confessions. If Vlarindara never accepted the truth, she couldn't make and would have to get over that. Since she was here she was hell bent to try.

Her silver coated ears flipped forward at notice of the lady resting her head instead of in mere disarray. It was a sign of hope, and Jayse was always looking for those. A wry smile shook along the length of her muzzle, and she lowered her head crown. <font color="#406618">"Me too, I actually good have used them this time of year much more than last,"</font> she breathed, knowing it would have been nice to talk to someone beside Elettra and Raigo who counted upon her. It was a mere want, silly wish and she really didn't want Vlar feeling any more guilty than she was. She closed her mouth letting her fangs dig on the inside of her cheeks thinking maybe it might be best if she simply shut up. Vlar's voice rang out, she listened trying her best not to directly stare at the lady. Jayse was not smiling any more, but quite still, her face blank by what the lady thought. She partly understood why the former of Grizzly Hollow had left, and why she was set not to care. Switching places Jayse wasn't sure if she would look, and be any different. She would have blamed herself too. She would have objected, but she had a feeling she was not done, but had only began. There was a lot left unsaid.

Single colored eyes shifted her way she did not look away. The lady disagreed she was a tormentor, and Jayse kept her tongue in her cheek not to speak. She wouldn't to say to look at herself, to see Borden now, and see what was becoming of Grizzly Hollow. Her eyes were she trained to keep to the ground, except when Vlar sat up. She had not thought it would come to it, and her cran cocked a degree while her ears brushed forward from her head. Could she see Jayse was not angry at her any more? Her mind had little time to render so. It was her turn to be stunned by the pairings of words that came. She couldn't deny it wasn't true. She had done the best she could with what she had, and her ears twisted back in a humbled manner.

<i>"...I..admire...your strength.. The tenacity you had to continue...I-..ran when things got too hard for me...You embraced them."</i> Jaysyek thought she was being given to much credit. If they had been Vlar's pups, if Vlar had been her she was quite assured she would have done the same. Wouldn't anybody? The reason Jayse had not run because she could not abandon her children. As any good mother could not. To here the word admire caused her to be quiet, and motionless. She'd never thought to hear such things from the wolf before her.

<b>"Maybe, what you say is true. It makes me sound the heroin, but I'm not sure any more. Everyone is so divided now, even myself."</b> Frown was plastered to her lips, and her nose crinkled irritated at herself. She shook the thoughts away, not sure if she was ready to confess to Vlarindara. There was a difference between letting go, and trusting again. They did not go hand in hand in the Hollow Leader's mind. <b>"Surely I don't think you should doubt your own strength. You're are still alive now even if you look like death. Do you really think if we had traded places you would have done differently than me or I you?"</b> She said, a slight narrowed gaze to her unmatched eyes. Jayse couldn't say she would be the exact state of Vlar, but she doubted she would be any happier.</blockquote>

Quietly, Vlarindara listened to Jaysyek speak, her ears folding over her neck before sliding forward, listening to the ivory alpha's words.. Slowly, she parted her lips to speak, forming the words in her mind first. "...If...you d-don't..mind my presence...I wouldn't.. mind bisiting with you.. to.. be an ear to listen.. Someone to-to talk to." She hoped it wasn't presumptuous of her and that Jaysyek wouldn't have a conniption fit by her offer. Though, Vlarindara wasn't sure if she'd be able to constantly make the trip to Jasper Rocks to be able to speak to Jaysyek...but she'd try. If it allowed her a chance to speak to Raigo during those trips as well.

Her amber eye closed, listening to the words, an odd smile curving her lips before she ducked her head, staring down at the ground between her paws, shaking it at Jaysysek's question. "There is..a reason I'm alive yet. I'm not sure why.. perhaps to..atone..perhaps because I've not..done what I'm supposed to.. Even though I don't know what it is yet." She frowned, lifting her attention to the Grizzly Hollow leader with a frown. "I..can't say what I would have or would have not done, J-Jaysyek. I know that.. knowing what I know now - I wouldn't have done what I did.. instead...tried to ..figure things out. After all..it-it's our pasts that..shape us...our actions...is...it not?"

It made sense, to her at least.. but Vlarindara wondered just what she was... trying to do. She knew now that had she been the wolf she was today then... She wouldn't have left. Instead, she would have stayed - either discussed things with the alphas.. worked something out - perhaps even gone to a new pack..But it would have been on better terms, and most likely, not until the pups were older. The white female sighed, closing her eyes again and letting her head drop. She hated the actions of her past, but nothing could change them or what she'd done. She could only beg forgiveness of those she'd wronged. Perhaps that was what she was still alive to do?

<blockquote>It was a kind offer, but Jaysyek knew before she was done speaking she would have to pass. There wasn't anyone she confided in, not really. She had a lot which remained unsaid, and if this was them mending the burnt bridge between them it would take a lot more time for such a thing. She smiled graciously, and collected her voice. <b>"That is very kind of you Vlar, but I couldn't ask that of you."</b> She wanted to leave it at that. The small act of kindness would not soon be forgotten, but remembered along with all good things she carried. Who knows, maybe she would some day.

Reply to her words was wise indeed. What time Vlarindara had been gone she had probably only had her thoughts for company. It seemed like she'd come to realization about her life, but not all questions were answered. How simliar the pair of females were. Both falling for the same man, both trying to place others before themselves, both sorry for the wrongs, and both with unanswered questions. She had never seen these things before, and thought there could be more. The thought she made shift, and thoughtfully with great attention heeded her continuing words.

It was much easier for Jayse to forgive, and let go with what she said. Her white head nodded in silent agreement. The past was to teach, and Vlar had learned. She did regret her past actions, and choices. Who would not? A miserable fool. Vlar was miserable, but not exactly a fool. She had done what she thought in the moment. What else could have been asked of her? Jaysyek could not blame her for running from it all. There were many a time the idea was constant in her thoughts. She was aware what she would leave behind, and she would have nothing. Nor would she had felt any better.

<b>"Amazing what time does is it not?"</b> She stated half amused by the idea. Who was ever the same? A faint smile, and a thoughtful look she studied the lady. She'd like to think with her new found knowledge she would have hope, and she would find happiness. To Jaysyek, Vlar deserved happiness as much as she even if she didn't think so. And Jayse wanted to give her that. It was the least she could do as she wasn't the only one who'd been wronged. Quietly, she let her eyes drop, and casually titled her head to the side. <b>"You have seen Raigo, haven't you?"</b> She asked, stringing her words out. <b>"He still loves you know, and misses his sister. I bet he'd love it...to see you....have you come....home."</b>
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