YOU GOT INSIDE MY HEAD
I TRIED MY BEST TO BE GUARDED,
I'M AN OPEN BOOK INSTEAD.
- Broken, Lifehouse
WHAT MUST WE DO TO RESTORE
OUR INNOCENCE
AND ALL THE PROMISE WE ADORED?
GIVE US LIFE AGAIN
'CAUSE WE JUST WANNA BE WHOLE
- We Are Broken, Paramore
Spring still tried to evade Relic Lore, snow continuing to blanket the land and frost holding fast with an iron grip. Yet, Flair was acutely aware of the difference in season, from all the changes in her pack mates, and now, from herself too. It had come late this year, but at last it had arrived, and it made her feelings spike in all directions. Suddenly last years events seemed incredibly close again, despite all the distance she had worked to put between herself and what had happened. All her careful internal debating was challenged by the same doubts and fears, bubbling back to the surface, reignited by repeating nightmares reliving the trauma and the grief.
Yet, paradoxically, she found her longing had grown stronger too. Thinking back to last year, she remembered the intimacy her and Chan had shared, and what had come from it had been so sweet while it lasted. She had otherwise come to think that she would never truly desire such things, and yet here she was – perhaps it was just her hormones, playing tricks on her, yet she was more than willing to be fooled. She ached to be a mother, even more so after seeing Finley with her boys and helping her raise them. She’d tried to shower all her pent up love on those pups, to treat them as she would have done her own if they hadn’t been taken from her. But still there was more, and she feared it would always be there, pressing in her heart, unable to get out.
Such conflicted and unable to sleep for fear of the nightmares, the night had become her refuge. She’d wander the Falls, over and over, making sure that everyone was safe, and that everything was still the Paradise they’d hoped for. Tonight being no different, she’d stopped only briefly to rest, at the bottom of the frozen falls, watching a stray beam of moonlight reflecting off the ice – happy that, if nothing else, she could still see that beauty.