Swift River Departing Wonderland

<blockquote><i>Late Morning; Mostly Cloudy; 55° F/13° C</i>

Quietly strolling through the Grove Fenru made his way to the wreckage that now made up the den where he had been raised. The waters had since receded and cool, packed mud now filled up the place where he, Rihael, and Kisla had once slept as cubs. He observed how several broken branches had been piled up against a few trees' roots and how quickly the River had destroyed this still-important landmark. The corners of his mouth turned downward and he slightly frowned as he thought of how Mum was almost constantly caring for his new siblings. A growl bubbled in his throat and he swiped a paw at the soil, kicking up clods of mud.

Jealousy was something new to the young Tainn and it slightly amused him that his envy was not - or <i>not yet</i> - directed at Hael. He had had enough of being quiet, and finally, it seemed, he had reached his breaking point. His jowls snapped at a thin twig that protruded from what used to be the entrance to the burrow. It broke between his teeth and he was quick to jerk his head away to send the stick flying. He proceeded to attack what was left of the splintered piece of wood until the majority of it laid in shards at his feet. Once he had ripped the remnant of it out of the ground, he flung it across the small clearing and leapt at his next target, a nearby tree's damaged bark. He raked his claws down the flaking wood, not even fazed at the fact that he was easily able to <span class='word'>divulse</span> it and deeply mar the inner bark within.

After sometime his ears drew back and defeatedly he sat down. The gesture in itself might have outwardly shown that he was in control, a youth who was just mimicking his parents' motions that established them as the leaders of their pack, but inwardly he was still just as forlorn as he had been before his first birthday. Ice had helped in so many ways - fear no long gripped him for the most part, the spark that once constantly shone in the yearling's eyes had been restored, his usual curiosity surfaced now on occasion, and he was starting to harness and find outlets for his emotion - but now Fenru felt it was time for action. He had done enough thinking and emotion analyzing for now.

Thumping his tail heavily against the ground he cast his fiery eyes around in hopes that no one had witnessed his breakdown. While he had wailed for Corinna a countless number of times he decided it would accomplish nothing if he sought for her comfort or coddling (even if he felt like it was probably the one thing he wanted right about now). Instead, he lifted his muzzle and sung a low note that ascended gradually into a higher pitch... beckoning for <i>his father</i>.</blockquote>

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It wasn't often that his children needed to call for him, but when they did Indru made sure to come immediately. So when his youngest son from his first litter beckoned for him there was no hesitation in his instinctive movement towards the sound. There was a strength in Fenru's voice as he howled that was not always prevalent, from his litter the boy seemed the most submissive, the meekest, and while this did not make Indru think any less of him he couldn't help but wonder if there was a change afoot. As he loped towards him Indru's jaws opened slightly to reply; his deep baritone mixing in with his son's higher one as he told him he was coming.

He found the young Tainn near the wreckage of his birth home and when the boy's fiery eyes, so much like his own, fell into view Indru's held titled to the side, his ears shifting forward as he silently question the boy. Fen had been the most effected by the flooding of the den and Indru could only be grateful that they had been older and larger when it had happened, yet it had been a learning curve and he had chosen a place to make it hopefully less likely for the newest one, with his youngest children currently in, to do the same. Fen, he breathed, a smile on his face as he leaned forward to groom his son between his ears lovingly, nipping his cheek once he pulled away. Indru couldn't help but think something was on the boy's mind, nor would he be surprised if it had something to do with his newest siblings tucked safely into Corinna's side in the den, yet like with Hael before, he decided to let Fen decide when he was ready to talk and instead just wait and let him know he was here to listen.

<blockquote>As his note slowly began to fade out it occurred to Fenru that an additional voice had joined in. The one voice he had been expecting, much to his relief. His black-tipped tail managed a slight wriggle as the leader addressed him by name. His eyes closed briefly as Indru swept his tongue over the fur between his ears and warmly nibbled at his cheek. A rather pleased, chirp-like mewl sounded from his throat as Indru withdrew from him.

Though, when the silence began to lengthen between them, a few seconds at the most, the yearling quickly began by acknowledging his parent. <b>"Dad,"</b> he mumbled, his voice soft and somewhat strained under the distress he had channeled only moments before Indru's arrival. <b>"H-hi?"</b> His attempt in trying not to sound distraught faltered, rendering his greeting into a question rather than a truly grateful statement. <b>"I-I..."</b> he continued to stutter, looking into his father's eyes. <b>"I didn't... I-I'm not bother-ing you, am I?"</b>

One of his ears swiveled back before the other did the same. He understood that his parents were busy and he also knew to a point that both Indru and Corinna would always answer his calls if he needed them, but the fact that he could have disrupted his father's routines or, goodness forbid, taken him away from the den if Mum had needed him. <b>"I... have... some... q-questions I wanted to ask."</b> A corner of his mouth twitched and, again, he looked over his shoulders to double-check if anyone was nearby, eavesdropping or otherwise. <b>"Was... just curious."</b></blockquote>

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Silence didn't fall between them for more than a few seconds before Fenru's timid voice caused Indru's ears to twitch with interest as he listened to his son talk. He was nervous, a trait that reminded him of Kenai when he was younger and whether Fenru would grow bolder and more confident in himself Indru wasn't sure. While the boy's shyness didn't upset or disappointing Indru at all, he couldn't help wish for ways to make Fenru more confident, just for the boy's own well being. You could never bother me Fen, he replied quickly at his son's question and he tried to catch Fenru's gaze to show the truth in his words. You don't be timid around me Fenru, he promised, a smile on his face as he leant forward to try and rest his head on top of Fen's.

When the younger Tainn continued on further, explaining his purpose, Indru smiled again as he nodded enthusiastically at the mention of Fen having questions. Fire away, son, he replied as he flashed him an encouraging toothy grin. Curiosity and interest in his son's well being kept Indru's gaze trained upon his boy, but while it was just the two of them it lacked the harder gaze of a leader and instead his fiery eyes had the warmth of a father.

<blockquote>The boy managed a genuine smile, a grin that held nothing but mere shyness. No fear or insecurity, uncertainty... Not even discomfort. Fenru's tail flicked as he considered the River leader's words then paused to gather his thoughts before speaking. He wanted every word exchange with his father to make sense so that Indru might be able to see right through him as Ice had seemed to. <b>"The pack,"</b> he began. <b>"They... They said they wanted to be guards... And hunters. I-I want to be like them."</b>

Another broader smile lifted the sides of his muzzle, even though the next few words came out slower than the sentence before it. <b>"I... want to help."</b> He cast a sideways glance at Indru, and upon catching the familiar warmth in his amber gaze, fully looked into his father's face. <b>"I want to help you take care of Tor and Rissa and 'Yana."</b> his voice might have quieted slightly but the statement's emergence had been long overdue. <b>"I don't... I don't wanna be <i>mad</i> anymore."</b>

Upon saying the word mad, Fen looked away. He felt utterly <i>ashamed</i>; he knew that Mum was taking care of his siblings so that they might grow up strong like he, Hael and Kisla had in the past year. It was just... He supposed a little direction could have helped to some degree through the past few months. He wasn't a cub anymore, and he wasn't an adult either. What was he supposed to be doing anyway? He could only guess; and he had spent most of his waking hours thinking of every possible answer to his unanswered questions and whimsical musings.

<i>Where was Hael? Was he off on his own hunting or patrolling? What about Kisla?</i> The answer had always been the same: They were doing what they ought to be doing. Something instinctive or something as simple as an assigned task, something a wolf knew how to do. These days, Fenru had likened himself to something like a mouse or sparrow. Quiet in his mannerisms and quick to flee or make himself as small as he could when unexpectedly approached. He hated it to the very core of his being. Rihael and Kisla did not behave that way and neither did the rest of his family. In fact, for some time, Fen had himself convinced that he was a totally different creature altogether. He didn't feel like a wolf until he eventually conquered his fear of the River and looked down at his own reflection.

Fenru curled his tail close to his body then tried to summon another smile. A fake one made the corners of his lips twitch once more and he immediately stopped. The creases in his face smoothed out and his muzzle relaxed. His large ears drew forward again after some time. <b>"Dad... You're a <i>brother</i>,"</b> he then mused, gazing back to his dad quietly. <b>"Did you help Uncle Triell and... Uncle Ruiko, Aunt Borlla... and Uncle Kinis when they were little?"</b> It had been some time since Corinna had bestowed upon him the names of Indru's brothers and sister, but the fact that the boy had remembered, ignited a spark that made the yearling's face light up with his usual inquisitiveness.</blockquote>

(This post was last modified: Jun 30, 2012, 06:02 PM by Fenru.)

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♥ oh my gosh, Fen. Grey you play him so wonderfully. <3

Immediately Indru could smell that some of Fenru's unease began to abate and he smiled at the boy in response as he stretched forward to try and cup Fen's muzzle gently between his jaws to reassure him, to show the strength of their bond. They were father and son, but they were pack too. Indru's ear's twitched in his interest as Fenru settled his thoughts and then spoke, and his smiled wolfishly—delighted—and responded first with a simple nod. For a while he had begun to wonder if Fenru was destined to be a curl-tail, there was no shame in it for Indru's own brother Kenai had been such a wolf, but Indru had always felt Fenru owned a inner strength that would not fit him to the role as easily as Kenai had, and it seemed the boy wanted to explore it and Indru was more than happy to help if that was what he wished.

You have the strength to do anything you wish Fen, his deep voice was almost hushed as he tried to show the true belief he had in those words, and anything you want to achieve, I'll help. In any way I can, always. For why his younger son may not express his strength as boldly as his agemate Hael might, Indru had no doubt in the boy's more subtle, quiet strength. Indru's head lowered when he tried to catch Fenru's eye again before he spoke, and it's okay to mad, to be frustrated, sometimes, he tried to reassure gently. I use to—ah, you wouldn't believe. An amused chuckle escaped him and he leaned in to rest his shoulder against Fenru's own and to give him time to think, to breath, and to not overpower the young boy. A yearling was perhaps one of the hardest years as a wolf, physically a cub had grown but mentally, that was the real challenge. You can patrol with me if you want, whenever you want Fen—just come, I'll always want your company. Then, too, we can spar more—train your fighting more like what a guardian needs, yeah?

A quietness fell around them then, a companionable one, and Indru let it fall as he watched his son carefully from the corner of his eye. It was here, with these moments, that he had learnt the most about being a father, when you need to give your child room to grow, to get there (wherever that is) on their own but to give them the support and guidance they need to do so, and he could only hope he was doing it right, as his father had. At the question, and perhaps small revelation of Fen's, a smiled curled the leader's lips once more and he nodded. Yes, I did. Me and Ruiko, we were littermates like you and Hael, but Kinis, Borlla and Triell... Well, they were very young, Fen, when our parents died so I had to try and raise them and guide them, like I do with you. Briefly, painfully, Indru's thoughts flickered to the two of those who were missing and gone from him—Kinis with more sinister reasons and Borlla with hurts caused by himself. As a brother... You try your best, Fen, but you can't be perfect all the time. It was a lesson Indru had learned hard and quickly and one even now was a source of great anguish and frustration at times, but I believe you have the strength to do anything you want. Truly.

<3 !
<blockquote>The yearling released a comforted whine as the elder Tainn clasped his jowls very gently around his muzzle. <i>"You have the strength to do anything you wish Fen,</i> Indru reassured the boy. Fenru's ears twitched, folding back then swiveling forward almost instantaneously as the Leader's voice washed over him in warm waves. <i>"And anything you want to achieve, I'll help.</i> While the last part of his father's statement had not gone unnoticed, Fen's tail wagged. The feeling of being emboldened was indescribable. It could have been something similar to being a wolf-shaped pond and the support Indru had given him made ripples radiate from his very core... or the rebuilding and restructuring of a bridge across two nearly similar but absolutely strange riverbanks.

Indru continued and breaths of air caught in the boy's chest and throat. It was <i>okay</i> to be mad... <b>"Bu---"</b> Fen began to protest, ready to assure his father that being angry at his baby brother and sisters was absolutely unacceptable to a degree. He quieted, however, as the Leader told him that he was welcome to <i>patrol</i>, and again his heart fluttered. <b>"'Kay!"</b> the eagerness accentuated his voice tenfold. Fen immediately clamped his jowls shut, then quietly corrected himself in a quieter tone, <b>"Okay, Dad. Yeah. <i>Spawring.</i> Rad."</b> He beamed up at Indru then keenly listened as Indru affirmed that he had helped his younger siblings... <i>raised them</i> actually.

Fenru's mind flashed back to when Corinna told him about lightning and how lightning on the ground meant <i>fire</i>. The black, white and vivid orange images flashed about and distorted in light and shadow and he shook his head to rid himself of the twisted figures who had fled from Hidden Tree. <i>"As a brother... You try your best, Fen,"</i> Indru continued, <i>"but you can't be perfect all the time."</i> A grim expression crossed the youth's masked face as he tried to reconcile with himself about the statement. He <i>supposed</i> it was plausible to be <i>flawed</i>, marred by envy, insecurity and other inner monsters. Ultimately, he settled with the fact that one day, he would possibly outgrow it all. <i>All this</i> could just be a phase. <b>"Dad,"</b> he called his father's attention again; he was sure Indru was listening intently but a part of him, though small, was still crying out to be comforted and talked to even more. <b>"Is it... Is it hard to be a leader?"</b></blockquote>

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Brilliant, the leader replied, with as much volume enthusiasm as Fenru's first outburst he saw him quickly rush to cover—there was nothing wrong with being excited, and he winked at Fen with a tongue-lolling grin to show him. I'd never turn down a chance to patrol with company I can trust. It was the truth, and Indru hoped Fenru would pick up on that, and the dual meaning, for Indru truly did believe and trust in his oldest cub's abilities—he saw great potential in Hael and Kisla and Fen, even if the younger boy maybe lacked believing it a little in himself. The leader was equally pleased at the boy's interest in sparring, it was a fairly common activity between himself and Hael (as all their meetings tended to end in rough and tumble) and he knew building his strength should hopefully only in turn build his confidence too. I hope you're ready Fen, he teased, flashing his teeth in a mock-menacing grin which was ruined by the smile in his eyes, your old Pa's still got a trick or two. Part of a yearlings job was to babysit and watch the youngest members of the pack, they had the most energy to do so and were also the most expendable (in terms of skill, where adults were needed elsewhere) to take on the role, but if Fen could also develop enough skills to become a teacher the Tainn could only see that helping as well.

The next question came as a small shock to Indru, though a thrill of pleasure drummed through him—if Fen was even slightly interested in becoming a leader (perhaps, eventually, even of Swift River) it meant that had already begun to bolster his confidence. Yes, in ways, he began, thinking briefly to his time as a leader—and the abruptness that such a role had fallen upon him with his parent's death, but it should be. Having this responsibility—a whole pack, a whole family—it should never be easy, or else you aren't caring enough. While Indru had always had aspirations of leading a pack, a fact which had been encouraged by his father, when it had come down to it after the loss of his parents it had been a shock and it had taken Indru a while to not feel like he was drowning under the responsibility of keeping his family together.

<blockquote><b>"Oh,"</b> the word left Fenru's mouth on a a thoughtful sort of note and tone. His brow wrinkled. Trying to imagine him finding someone to share a pack with, to see Rihael and Kisla standing strongly at his side, and picture himself raising cubs of his own was <i>hard</i>. Somehow, it made more sense to envision Kisla finding a handsome suitor or see Rihael surrounded by loyal followers. To think of him even recruiting other wolves to form his own pack was difficult.

One of his ears swiveled to the side and he tilted his head slightly as he began to fully understand what Indru had meant about responsibility in having a position in a pack... putting the family before yourself and knowing that you would be taken care of as long as you pulled your own weight and contributed just as much as everyone else. Fenru allowed silence to come between them as he thought of what else to ask. It shouldn't have taken long to think of it, seeing as it was possibly the most recent musing and fear that he had acquired, but when he opened his mouth, he almost choked on each word, <b>"'Yana... Tor-rel... and Rissa... what if... what if they don't like me? M-Maybe I can't help them with whatever they need... or I can't s-step up to be their brother?"</b> He knew somewhere within him the instinct to protect his family - the smallest or largest of them - had become dormant but it was still there. He could feel it. It was just... the idea of being rejected, even by someone he had not yet met, was disheartening to say the least.</blockquote>

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