Sex: MaleIt was late when he returned back to the small den he and Hush had scraped out for themselves in the forest that in a strange way reminded him of his brief lived days with his fellows of Slepnir Rise. The red tinged bay and the clay-bedded lake before it were so similar in color to the ferns that gave this forest it's name that it made his mind mull, almost against his will, over his days beside Skoll and his band of wolves. There wasn't much to reflect upon from that time, the truth was that they had been simple days and he had lived in them quite simply – following orders and living as he was told.
Things were different now, harder for certain. So many of the decisions that fell to him were not things he had really ever expected to cope with. He'd lived as a lone wolf before, solely responsible for himself and nothing else and even then choices had been easy enough. He'd simply done whatever it suited him to do and hadn't ever put much more thought into it than that. In a way it was like the life he had lived with the Rise wolves, filled with days where he knew his tasks and completed them as flawlessly as possible. In Tartok he had assumed more responsibility but even then he'd had Siku to rely on, her word was law in that land and he had obeyed her without question.
Now he was making the decisions that he had so often allowed others to make for him. A part of him knew that he could not ever go back, not really, to being the careful mindless follower that he had once been. For too long he had been responsible for both himself and Hush and though he longed for simpler things he did not think he could tolerate allowing another to completely take control of his life again. Even just the thought of it made him uncomfortable.
As he ghosted through the forest, made pale and strangely eerie by moonlight and shadow, he mulled over these things. Now he had to decide again: would they stay or would they decide to linger here? This secret little valley with it's protected forests and high walled mountain terrain surrounding it was a safe place for them. Would they find a better place? He wasn't sure that he knew what they were searching for to begin with.
Time healed all wounds. That was what they said, wasn't it? Give anything enough time and the memories would fade, the hurt would dim, and life would go on. Time was the magician of life, putting together pieces that were so far scattered it seemed an impossible puzzle of hurt and loss.
To put it simply - Hush was healing. Piece by piece, day by day, she was putting together her life again. She smiled, now, in the company of her companion. She had regained health and weight and had spent time hunting and exploring. She had rediscovered the simple joy of plucking a flapping fish from the crystal waters and she had spent hours doing so, until their bellies were full to bursting. She was fit, she was well, and she did not hurt.
Well, not most of the time, anyway. Most of the time she was happy and content, as easy-going as a leaf on the water. It was not that she had forgotten Merikh or Weldering, or any of the others left behind, but merely that she reflected on the happy memories instead of the sad.
She met him that night, drawing alongside with a familiar brush of fur. Black and white they were as different as the sun and moon, yet complemented eachother as perfectly as yin and yang. They lived well together and a very large part of her was unwilling to relinquish the niche that they had carved out together. Deep down she knew they would eventually have to move on, but when? And where? "What haunts you?" Her whisper broke the quiet of night, her question punctuated by a small cant of her head as she fell in to step at his side.
Hush's appearance was not sudden – the night hid him well, his black coat blending near seamlessly with the deepening shadows surrounding him. On his bad days he thought that perhaps he had been born to exist in the dark, even in that mind-frame he knew that it was simply passing fancy to consider such things and he tried to set himself aside from such needlessly heavy thoughts. His pale companion practically glowed in the dim light of the moon and he could not help but wonder how she attracted such light when he could so easily slide by unseen. When she came to brush his shoulder and join him in his stride he swerved slightly to give her an affectionate bump in greeting.
At her question he huffed out a low sigh, somewhere between a laugh and a strange noise of dissatisfaction. As had become more and more typical of him as he aged he did not speak immediately, but instead considered her question. Finally he rolled his scarred shoulder in a small half-shrug – breaking his already limping stride as he did so. "What doesn't? I have too many thoughts." He finally responded verbally, quirking a wiry smile in her direction. Easier to be simple, but his mind seemed to make just about everything complicated. He knew he worried too much, thought too much – he knew that if he could let go a little that he would not so often be plagued with endless emotions and worries. What the mind knows and what a being is capable of are two different things, though, and so he carried on as he always had – knowing there was a better way to exist without knowing how to accomplish it.
"You're up late." He said, leaving the statement lingering – not quite a question. More it was an invitation for her to explain, to fill in the silence of their companionship with idle talk of their days. He wasn't much for conversation most days but he knew that Hush was a more social creature than he and that his verbal companionship brought her happiness. It wasn't a bother to offer this to her, though he often had to remind himself that stoic silence did not encourage conversation, he was pleased to give her some small measure of normalcy in her life and it cost him so very little to do so.
It had come to be that he often did the thinking while she merely went along with whatever he had decided. After the losses she had faced in the seahawk valley Hush had lost her ability to care much about where they went - every place seemed the same to her. There were different packs, sure, but even those seemed the same. Surely one day Jericho would choose one that he wished to join and she would follow along, and perhaps then she might step up to the plate and seek acceptance as she had always done, but until then she was content to do as he pleased. Truly it mattered little to her where she ended up, as long as he was there she had at least some semblance of home.
Together they were of few words, but each one carried weight with it and was chosen ever so carefully. Conversations were simple and formed largely of silent language - she found that she liked it this way, with no words wasted and no breath lost. Air rushed from her nose in a soft sound of amusement, his comment true and yet so normal as to seem misplaced. "Aren't I always?" These days, yes. Sleep often eluded her even on her most peaceful of days, dreams and nightmares always hovered just behind closed eyelids and it was a true gamble as to which would win over.
"Tell me your thoughts." It was a request, a masked plea, for as he knew she found comfort in his company and did not wish to sleep just yet. Though they did not speak much she was curious as to what plagued him, and wondered if he had discovered anything of interest. She had yet to wander far from their chosen densite, and thus had not discovered much of what this new world had to offer. For the time being she would live vicariously through him, if he would so allow.
When she responded to his comment on the lateness of the hour and how she was still awake despite it he gave a slight shrug. The traveling wolf moved over terrain when the weather and the season best allowed it without much concern to the actual time of day – they had been on the move for long enough that it was true that neither one of them kept much track of what time of the day or night they were really awake during anymore. Still, they'd been settled here for a couple of days and a part of him had thought that Hush might settle back into a more normal routine (though he himself obviously had not done so). “I suppose that is true.” He agreed, shrugging and dismissing the topic all in one – it wasn't important, it was only time passing them by.
As she offered the plea that he share his thoughts, spoken in the form of a soft edged demand he gave her a sideways glance, eyes unreadable as he considered his options. After several typical to him moments of silence he spoke up, his voice sounding weary and heavy as he spoke the words, “I think about how we drift without purpose and I wonder if we should seek something better, more important. I think that I want to live simply, but that I don't think I ever will again. I think that maybe we should settle here but I don't know why and I think that I aught to know why before I decide to do it.” This he punctuated with a sigh of dissatisfaction, shrugging again as he looked back toward her and away again – the brief glance he gave her masked with an expression that implied both frustration and wiry amusement at his predicament.
“Saying it aloud to you makes it sillier than it already is, frivolous to worry over such things. Either we'll stay or we won't, what matters the reason behind it?” This question was posed to her, though he doubted she had the answer to it simply because he didn't have an answer himself – how could he expect her to answer his thoughts if he couldn't do so? Still, he asked just to hear her thoughts. Her typically more sunny counterpoints to his more serious conversations helped to keep him balanced.
There were times that she wondered what she meant to him. Not in the manner that she wished for more, or wished to understand their relationship, but only that she was curious if he merely tolerated her out of kindness. She was not entirely sure why he had allowed her to travel with him, or if he enjoyed her company as she did his. Hush often felt that she would be quite lost without her yin-yang friend, and beneath the surface there was a small fear that he might one day leave her for one reason or another.
She shrugged this off for now, though, and listened to his concerns as any good friend would. Not only that, but she wanted to hear what he had to say , if only to put her own demons and fears to rest. He spoke of them as a unit which pleased her, but she focused primarily on what else he had to say. His worries were trivial and yet not, and she considered the right words to convey this to him.
"It always matters though," she began in her usual whisper."It is not small decision you speak of, Jer. Deciding if and when and where to settle is life changing. For both of us." She paused, there, and then rolled her shoulders in a shrug. "I think if it's the right place you'll know. And if you know then you shouldn't question it."
As was typical of her Hush listened intently and with interest – she was unfailingly a good friend to him. Irregardless of what he had to say he knew that he would always have her ears to listen. In a way it was a strange comfort and in another it made him feel just the slightest bit odd. Perhaps he had been on his own too long – the truth was that he didn't really know why. It seemed possible that it was also simply engrained in him to rely upon himself solely. Like many things, he thought too much on the subject and then eventually dismissed it unable to pinpoint what his exact feelings on the subject were.
When she finally did speak he turned a listening ear toward her, though he did not look at her directly. Instead he strode forward, long legged and watching the path as it rose up to meet them in the dark. When she was finished he merely shrugged – no use arguing that he didn't know any other way to discover a thing other than to question his own thoughts and feelings relentlessly until he came to an infallible answer or ran out of time in which to come up with one. Or until he got sick to death of obsessing over the same old things over and over and simply chose to let them go and not decide anything at all.
“What did you do today?” He asked abruptly, changing the subject without apology or warning. There seemed to be little else to say about any of it and the truth was that he liked to hear her talk more than he liked sharing his thoughts.
There, right there, was the key difference between them. Jericho lived more by logic - he made informed decisions that were well thought out. Hush, on the other hand, was far more spontaneous. She allowed her heart to guide her, often with less than pleasant consequences. It might have served her better to be more logical, but it simply was not in her nature. Perhaps it was why they worked so well together, with both head and heart together.
His question was unexpected and abrupt, and the pale female could not help but wonder if he had bothered her with her answer. Nonetheless Hush allowed her thoughts to move on, but really had little to tell. "Not much. Some more fishing for lunch, but not a great deal else. I think I'll go out tomorrow, maybe see if I can find any others." She wasn't sure if he had met any others yet, but Hush could not help but to be curious about where they had ended up.
"Do you know how many packs are here?" She knew there were some,s he had smelled them, but Jericho had done far more scouting than she had.
Though she paused, he supposed possibly a bit thrown by his sudden and unexplained change in topic of conversation, she did answer him. There wasn't much to tell and he thought it fair enough, many of their days were filled with the same monotonous tasks of surviving. As lone wolves they had few encounters and generally speaking they were together when anything interesting happened anyway. He knew that if anything of deep importance had occurred during her day that she probably would have shared it with him more immediately. “Fishing.” He commented in wiry tones, “I'll be happy to leave all that to you.” An amused sideways glance was sent her way, since his near-drowning experience in the sea he preferred to avoid water if possible – he knew she was well aware of this.
When she asked after his knowledge on the surrounding area's inhabitants he gave a small, reluctant shrug. “I have no idea. I have yet to meet a wolf that belongs to a pack here. Have you met any locals yet?” He queried curiously, wondering to himself what had prompted her original question – perhaps she had met someone of note and heard news of a pack that might be worth their time. He doubted it, but still it was worth asking.