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the branch will not break
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Played by Tay who has 46 posts.
Inactive V. Yearling
Zera Tainn
For @Darrah

The Bend quietly holds her for a little while between the rooted arms of the big tree. The night is tender and vibrant as the northern lights crawl across the cold breeze, deep greens mirror across her eyes. Zera cups the color in her irises, holds it deep against her heart. Home, she breathes with every clouded breath. There is nothing like the way the wind pulses through the Bend, nocturnal as god, invisible as forgiveness. For once in a long time, there is peace. The wind lifts a little throb of pain away from her throat, in just one brisk lick. "Darrah," she calls, and hears her brother's name bounce right back into her ears from the bark of the surrounding forest. No answer, no emergence. Dammit. She blinks away starry tears, returns her eyes to the pageant of winter.

Her thoughts tumble back to the memories she left untouched, she opens them like a box of secrets and remembers. Foggy and blurred, the image of her mother, still plump from birth but infinite against the black of night. She remembers the coldness of the den and crawling from within it with these kinds of tears in her puppy blue eyes. She remembers nestling into her mother's chest, peering out over her mountainous paws at the stars that dropped like acorns from the oak tree. They all came back at once like the lethal nightmare she'd had of a flood. She drowns in them, weeps softly into the comfort of that exposed knuckle of root. Utterly alone. Tired of herself.

"Darrah," she whimpers, choked by the sobs, blinded by the open floodgates behind her eyes. After everything, but before the end of it, she is caught right up in the middle. Between the winds of change and the colors of peace. Between the end of grief and the beginning of consolation. The tortuous wait.

zera
(This post was last modified: Mar 16, 2015, 02:54 PM by Zera.)

Played by Maeby who has 207 posts.
Inactive III. Subordinate
Darrah Tainn
I'm so sorry! I've been so busy that I completely forgot to start a thread! 
Jeez. You're so good at role-playing, it's kind of intimidating! XD
------------

Tonight was going along just like any other night for the young Prince. While everyone else stayed busy doing lord knows what, Darrah searched out for something to pass the time. "Everything's always the same old same old around here. Day in and day out, nothing to do and nobody to talk to." he let out a ginormous sigh, as to be a little over dramatic. Though it wasn't like he was much of a conversation starter in the first place, it would of been nice to have some company for once. He missed the closeness he once felt with his pack mates, it felt like there was always someone to talk to when he was a pup. "Guess it all changed when mom abandoned us..." He didn't think he would ever forgive his mother, she tore apart any connection he once shared with.. Well, anybody! "But I suppose it might not be too late to re-kindle things with some of them myself.. If there's even anything left to salvage.. Maybe that's what I'll do with my night." coming to a halt, he took a moment to enjoy  the bitter cold air and ponder over his next course of action.

Zera was the first to come to mind. His sister once meant the world to him, but they remained so distant now.  "If memory serves right... Before mom left.. That was the last time I talked to her..." The thought made him mentally sick, how could he of neglected her for so long? Even seeing her around the bend he tended to avoid her, why was that? "She probably hates me.. I think she deserves an apology.." But where would he look? She wandered off just as frequently as he did, but she'd venture even farther. What made him think she'd be near by tonight? "Zera!" he called, hoping the odds were in his favor.  

(This post was last modified: Mar 20, 2015, 09:47 PM by Darrah.)
At some point,

I started looking at the ground more than the sky


It’s hard even to breathe.
Played by Tay who has 46 posts.
Inactive V. Yearling
Zera Tainn

She buried her face against her forelegs, ashamed, embarrassed about the tears. It was too difficult to understand the clarity behind dispelled fog that loomed over the Bend for so long. She couldn't remember just how long her mother was gone, but just that it was far too long. Each forsaken day she'd cloak herself in the morning mists and vanish beneath the shadows to sulk in the outskirts. Zera kept one thing in mind, only her mother, and the selfish hopes of bringing her back for the whole pack to see. She wanted to show that she'd proven something out there alone in the vacancy of depression, but all this time she knew in the back of her mind she'd just isolated herself from the real family that was strong enough to move on. With wet eyes and a hollow chest, the young Tainn pushed herself from her shallow hole in the old tree's roots and set her mind on her brother. It was hard enough to face him anyway, the bright mark between his eyes always an everlasting reminder of @Nayeli . But since her return, Zera hoped facing it would be less of a reason to cry.

She set out knee-deep in snow, trudging as fast as she could toward the Bend with only that white diamond in her thoughts. She called his name once more, in one muted woof, hoping she was loud enough to rouse him. She wasn't thinking about the others, or waking them, just the brother that she left behind in the dim darkness of her mother's absence. The wind stung her eyes as she raced through the bare trees, stray tears started freezing in the bitter chill. Just as she ploughed her way a remarkable voice caught her ears, sweet and swollen with the same desperation. Zera couldn't help but freeze where she was in the open, heart racing, tail shaking vigorously back and forth. Her yellow eyes blared out into the darkness, spotting that one thing she sought, that one glowing star in the dark. She sped toward it, whining with mixed colors of excitement and guilt, hoping he'd understand how much she really did want him to forgive her.

"Darrah," she questioned, taking a second to lick his cheek in familial greeting, lost in the overwhelming fear of what he might give her in return. Zera hardly deserved a bite to the neck for what she'd done to them, how she'd left them like prey to spoil in broad sunlight. She couldn't understand feeling so hollow, yet so full simultaneously. It was gut-spinning mal de mer on frozen, still land. All of childhood in that one white diamond of hair above Darrah's eye. It knew all too well abandonment.

They both knew it, two children without innocence beneath the cloak of midnight, sharing griefs like blood and words like water.

zera


It's okay, I'm on spring break so I've got time <3
I'm so flattered right now I don't even know what to say! Don't be intimidated, it's mostly just rambles haha
 
(This post was last modified: Mar 21, 2015, 02:45 PM by Zera.)

Played by Staff who has 4,812 posts.
Shallow water has trapped several fish in a small pond. Hunt Opportunity
Played by Maeby who has 207 posts.
Inactive III. Subordinate
Darrah Tainn

After beckoning out his sisters name, The Prince continued to survey his surroundings. If she was nowhere to be found, he'd seek her out further. It might have been a sudden decision, but nothing had ever been more important to him than finding her. "It has to be tonight." he winced. "While I still have the courage." Who knew how long it'd be before he reverted back into the paranoid recluse he'd became months ago. The fact that he was able to even think of finding his sister was astounding.  "It's now or never.." he had only wished he'd of done this sooner.

Just like that she came out of nowhere. One moment he was completely alone, the next she was there licking his cheek. He didn't even have time to prepare himself. Hearing her say his name out loud like that, it sure hit him hard. "Zera I..." he began to cry, standing like a deer in the headlights. Staring so quietly. "What do I even say to you Zera..."  How on earth could he fork out a proper apology? Was there even such a thing for the actions he'd chose? "Zera.. I was supposed to protect you and be a good brother to you.." he was shivering now, and not just because of the poor weather conditions. "In the end I think I might be just as bad.. Didn't I abandon her too? Just like mom.." He never wanted anyone to see him like this, wasn't he supposed to be leader of the pack one day? He'd never seen an alpha let their emotions get the best of them like this. "I was supposed to be your family and look where we are now.." He tried to hide his face from her, ashamed of how he might look.

At some point,

I started looking at the ground more than the sky


It’s hard even to breathe.
Played by Tay who has 46 posts.
Inactive V. Yearling
Zera Tainn

Somewhere inside the dark girl's bright heart were the right words. They circulated every limb, pulsated behind her starry eyes, they ran rampant within her body, seemingly everywhere except her tongue. She couldn't even say them to herself. Her brain was cold and numb as ice, just melting in the soft summer of her brother's love. Zera pulled herself from his cheek to look back into those fiery eyes, halfway surprised to notice twin tears glittering down his cheekbones. Oh, Darrah, she thought as a sob managed to rattle through her. Why has it been so long?

"I was supposed to protect you and be a good brother to you..."

She shook her head at him, finding a ragged laugh somewhere in the emotional chaos. Protect her? As if someone like Zera would need protecting. She almost wanted to nip him on the ear for saying that, but instead she felt her heart lurch and a few words spill out of her head. "Stop, Darrah you know this isn't your fault. I'm the one who wasn't a good sister."  She tried to tell herself the fault wasn't her own, but every piece of her leaned backward in guilt against it. It was hard enough to decide what to say to him anymore, crying there like that. It was clear enough they felt the same way about themselves and how isolation had decapitated their family. Her yellow eyes remained trapped in Darrah's wet flames, watching the tears drip impossibly from his normally stoic face. All the composure they'd once had was all gone now. The moon, listening somewhere above the all-seeing oak, promised to keep their secrets hushed and tucked away under the infinite shadow of this night.

Suddenly, the dark child finally let herself go. She couldn't let the silence get the best of her as it swirled around them both for a brief moment. There were no words in her thoughts, she only saw the starlit grief etched into them both. Zera knew there was no sense in hiding it anymore. No sense in letting the aching days that passed by them like dreadful tombstones lay unrecognized in her internal graveyard of pure guilt. The young Tainn knew her words were there. She knew she needed to say them. " Darrah, I just - I felt so alone. Ever since Momma was gone, ever since I slipped away to the outskirts of the woods I couldn't find it in myself to come back. You look like her," she said while gesturing up at the bright mark over his eyes. "I had to leave because..." The words vanished just as she removed her eyes from Darrah's mark. "And I needed to find her. But everywhere I looked, there was no trace." Zera stretched her memory back to the previous day when Nayeli finally returned. She remembered her eyes on the wasteland of snow at the edge of the woods, she remembered giving up and making the turn back before she'd heard her mother's voice ring out like an answered prayer. Right there in front of her like a gift, a promise. "But then somehow she came to me in the woods. She found me first. And I guess that's how it's always going to be. We're always going to go looking for something that we want so badly, but in the end it will always come back in some way."

Tears flowed freely. Zera was exhausted and by now Darrah must have been too.

zera

Played by Maeby who has 207 posts.
Inactive III. Subordinate
Darrah Tainn

Hearing his own sister talk about how alone she felt hit hard, but the words Darrah would truly never forget happened mere seconds later.

 "You look like her."

The sentence spiraled through his brain, echoing over and over. He did look like her. That was something that had never crossed his mind before. He hated her so much yet, he was the spitting image of her. A constant reminder of her disappearance displayed for all to see, and now that he was aware, a reminder to himself. Every time he saw reflection from now on would he cringe? Would he feel ill? 'Heh. How could I forget. I look just like her.' did his father see it that way too? Perhaps that was what caused them to grow so distant as well? 'Well isn't that just great.' trembling, he broke away the gaze he held toward his sister.

"I completely understand Zera, it must of been hard seeing me while she was away.. Especially not knowing if she'd ever return. Looking for her was the right choice, you did a wonderful job." He recalled looking for her too at some point, and wondered when he finally decided enough was enough. At which time did his sadness turn into hate? "And you're right! She's back now!" He smiled, not for the return of his lost parent, but for Zera. Maybe with Nayeli around she could once more learn to be happy. 'Even though I didn't want it, Even though I hate our mother so much.. I'm glad she's back. Zera, you mean so much to me. Please cheer up..'

He could tell his sister was growing tired, and found that he too was feeling a bit weary. "Zera let's promise to never grow distant again, okay?"

(This post was last modified: Apr 13, 2015, 09:08 PM by Darrah.)
At some point,

I started looking at the ground more than the sky


It’s hard even to breathe.
Played by Tay who has 46 posts.
Inactive V. Yearling
Zera Tainn

The world grew briefly silent after her words made their place in the world. Zera felt oddly thankful for the brief pause, which was really more a rest for them. She wondered why he'd seemed so withdrawn all of a sudden, slinking back at the meeting with neutral care for the situation at hand while she blazed like an open flame right in front of everyone. He used to take her outbursts differently, always ratting her out when she'd wandered out of earshot from the den as youngsters, but now he was defending her before his family. The girl knew he was drifting slowly away from who he used to be. It was odd enough to watch him here mulling over her words, taking deep consideration when she said he looked like their mother. Why was he taking that so personally?

Zera tried to hold down a plethora of tired questions that surfaced, and for her it was like suppressing the urge to yawn. She never knew how to decide when the right time was to say something with gravity, she usually just said it no matter the consequence. Completely and utterly impatient. "Darrah are you really glad she's back," she started again, breaking the silence. "Do you think she wanted to leave us?" The questions were innocent and weightless to her, came quickly to her thoughts as she'd spoken them to her troubled brother. It never crossed her mind that Nayeli could have more to tell about where she'd been, and Zera couldn't decide for herself if it was right to question that. For all she knew, her mother was back alive and well, ready to put forth effort in mending the construed portions of family that were littered everywhere like scattered ash. She couldn't have been more relieved about how quickly the scars were healing.

"Zera let's promise to never grow distant again, okay?" And with that her thoughts stopped churning around in her head. He was right. This was all that mattered and everything else could be sorted later.

"Yeah I'm not leaving you," she said sternly, cold truth, expecting him to validate it in the same way.

zera

Played by Maeby who has 207 posts.
Inactive III. Subordinate
Darrah Tainn

He paused momentarily, reasoning with how he could proceed his next words cautiously enough not to upset her. 'Oh sister, What can I even say to that?' Exhaling, he threw out his best attempt. "Honesty is something I pride myself on, So I'm going to just go ahead and say what I have to.. Am I glad she's back? Well, no.. I don't think I am." feeling helpless, he continued. "But I understand your feelings, I understand why you might be happy.." He wanted to be happy himself, he just didn't have it in him anymore. The Prince didn't like being angry all the time, and if he knew how to fix that he would. "I.. I don't think she wanted to leave, no. I think she was careless in her actions and that in itself brought disaster." Anxiety began to build up in his slender form. Not quite understanding how not to upset her, well that was just unacceptable.

"Listen, I'm mostly over-reacting when it comes to our Mother. I'm able to realize this yet it's still something I cannot change. No matter how hard I try to feel glad, I always just end up focusing on what she missed. She was gone for a very crucial stage in our life.. That's something she will never be able to make up for." Realizing he'd said too much already, Darrah allowed himself to grow silent. It was in that exact moment he was able to recall when sorrow turned to Rage. Hadn't @Celandine preached something similar to him when they met? Finding it of no crucial importance, The Prince would shrug it off for now. After all, she was still right.

"Yeah I'm not leaving you," Her voice brought clarity to the Tainn. He didn't have to be alone anymore. "Good, because I wouldn't let you anyways." He snickered, nuzzling into her neck.

At some point,

I started looking at the ground more than the sky


It’s hard even to breathe.
Played by Tay who has 46 posts.
Inactive V. Yearling
Zera Tainn

Just as long as you don't leave me. She sighed as the thought rippled through her distilled body. She was once just a swift river, coursing with the liveliness of sharp white water. Somehow in this one year of life she felt the banks of childhood recede with the floods, her family sprawling out distant like grains of blackened silt. There was nothing she could say to make him see that. Nothing she could tell him would be convincing enough to truly retain. He couldn't see himself as a grain of fertile land, hell he was the whole earth to himself. She knew Darrah now as a selfish creature, one that always prided himself on how good he was or how veridical he was for ratting her out when she was really the one seeking truth here. Zera could imagine being lost like this forever. Someplace long gone, but familiar in that it was dark and smelled like family. But family was a word for redefinition, something intangible and always bitter on the back of your tongue when you said it. Not because you didn't know what it meant, but because if you said what it meant, it'd be that final breath to you.

She listened to him talk in one ear, and overheard her own ideas in the other. She already knew how he felt, just by the muted tone in his eyes at the gathering. The way he refused to speak with anything familiar, how even his voice was censored and calloused by that little shard of guilt in his heart. Yeah, that must be what he felt. She quieted herself. Brought her eyes back alive upon him like twin suns. Blinding in the way she held him on him. But he blinded her at 'I think she was careless in her actions and that in itself brought disaster.'

How could he say that? Zera drew her head in, hit wholly by the anxious force that compelled his words. It was funny how the world could be so tired and suddenly so awake at the utterance of a few small words. They charged her as he rambled on, vexing her somewhere deep where a flame burned. Smoke built in her body, rising up through the channels of her throat, threatening to spill past a guilded tongue until she heard the finality of his stupidity, the brink of her tolerance: 'that's something she will never be able to make up for.'

"Darrah, what are you talking about," she lashed, the heat swelling in plumes of angry air. "You, you think she did this on purpose? Because she asked for it?" Her tail lashed as she stood onto all fours, aiming to grow over him in defense of her mother. "I don't care what your logic is, but she did not ask to be kidnapped," she hissed from the back of her whispered throat. His words still settled in her flesh, like the heaviest of boulders, smothering everything she was worth. Was he trying to say something about how she'd been wrapped in the vacancy of detachment, scouring every nuance of the woods for some unknown sign of a woman who shadowed her earliest days for what he believed to be nothing? What kind of lie was he living in? She was beginning to feel bad for him, sitting there in the dark so alone, so mistaken. Her hard eyes tried to soften. She backed down. She of all wolves should know how fragile this kind of person is.

 

She looked into her brother's eyes as though she could find the written word there. She could only imagine what it felt like to be him, to be something not as great as what everyone else expected. Then it began. The empathy. Zera lowered her pose, felt the wave of wildness wash over, rushing back into the woods. "Darrah, I don't know what you mean by that. It's late, and all I can say is the least you can do is recreate those moments. Yeah, there were three months of our pathetic lives where she was gone. But at least she's here, safe. Alive. Darrah, what would you be saying if she was dead?" And her heart was numb by the last question, it came like a slow, dull punch to herself. She couldn't even think of what she'd do. And that was her reason for forgiving Nayeli.

zera