Hearthwood River Empty Places [M]

WARNING: This post does contain sensitive topics.

It was uncertain how many days had passed since she'd returned from the rye, how many days she'd spent curled up against the back wall of her den. Sure during the time she was under punishment she'd left to fulfill that but that was all she had done, all she had cared to do. It wasn't often she left her den and it wasn't only the days she'd lost track of but her own daughter as well. It served to bring her further down, the realization that she had failed her daughter, Lachesis, her mother, Lorcan, and her pack. She'd stopped caring about it all, whatever trust Lachesis had in her she feared would be shattered.

Inna didn't know if Lachesis left to speak to Jessie but clearly someone in the Fields had it out for her. Why else would they come to Hearthwood and tell the pale leader lies about her. Telling just enough truth it would match whatever she told him, changing that one detail so that he would not question it. What if Jessie said the same? Would he really believe the rye wolves over her? Could she stay in a pack where her alpha, the man who had been like a father to her didn't trust her? Would Hearthwood even be her home anymore?

She squinted her eyes against the sunlight as she left the den and stopped to give her eyes time to adjust. When they had she finally made her way through the forest. Inna no longer carried herself as the proud wolf she once was, what was there to be proud of, her life felt as though it had fallen to shambles. The scent of the water reached her nose but she didn't see it until she was nearly stepping into it. The Raven didn't know how she had made it to the river, did not remember the familiar path. As if she was in autopilot she lowered her head to the water and lapped at it. The coolness of it as it went down wasn't felt, she drank until she'd had her fill before lifting her head slightly.

Out into the water her orange gaze looked, the blood of her mother had been washed away here. It was what she thought about every Time she came to the river. Then her head turned to the place she'd collapsed the night her mother had died, Inna could see her dark form laying in the grass by the river wracked with sobs. She didn't know what she was to do anymore and this time she did not know how to pick herself back up.

Her orange gaze went back the the river, she was a river wolf didn't it make sense that was where she belonged. The pain, and betrayal, she would not be left anymore, all of it would end.

But Oksana…

Could she do that to her daughter?

Could she be that selfish?

Didn't she have the right after giving so much of herself only to have this happen to be selfish?

Inna looked at her paws, ears flattened against her skull. It felt like they never left that position these days. Her tail hung limp behind her before she stepped toward the water and staring at her reflection as it looked back at her, “I don't know what to do anymore,” she finally spoke to it. The sound of her voice strange in her ears.

~Table by Jacqueline

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Walking wasn't as easy as it used to be. Every time Aytigin would think that his shoulder was healing up - that it would be easier to walk on the following day - it would stiffen up and ache again. It didn't help that he was getting virtually no time to rest it, as the pack was rather low on adult members, and even lower on members who could patrol. Inna and Lilya were still tending pups, and it was obvious that the raven wasn't out and about as much as she used to be. It was almost sad that, even in such a disheveled state, Aytigin still felt as though he was one of the most fit to defend the pack, as it were.

It wasn't so much as though he didn't trust the others to do it. Just that watching pups was pretty close to a full-time deal, and the new wolf (Anastasia) was... well, Ayti didn't know her well enough to entrust the pack to her care. Not to mention Lachesis and Laike had recently gotten back from a scouting trip, and Inna and Lorcan had been gone for weeks before that. Seemed like most of Hearthwood was just as comfortable outside the border as they were within.

Possibly even more so.

Regardless, Aytigin did his absolute best, day after day, even if it meant that he had to go slower or limp heavily on that stupid shoulder of his. It wasn't the worst thing ever, after all, so he figured it wouldn't be so bad to stretch its endurance every now and again. Or daily. Whichever. As such, he was patrolling the day away, per the norm for the giant male. Too much had happened lately for him to relax or slack on his duties. But he did need to take frequent breaks, as his shoulder allowed, which was how he found himself at the river's edge - in search of something to drink.

He hadn't expected to see the raven there, staring her reflection in the eye as she leaned over the water. The mocha-furred man's brows furrowed in concern when he heard her question, and, in an attempt to cheer his friend up, responded for her. "You could always try just being yourself. I happen to like it when you do that." His voice wasn't enthusiastic or flirtatious, as he was too tired to muster up the energy. But he meant what he said.

There are several fresh rabbit tracks in the mud. Hunt Opportunity

Standing there the orange gaze that matched her own starting back at her, a faint memory flitted across her mind to happier times. Her brother Orren and Naia were there teaching her about her reflection. They were both gone now, she didn't know if she would ever seen her brother again. If he'd been there he would have been able to help her, she knew it. Like Alek he had left, leaving her. Inna wasn't even sure she recognized the wolf in the water, it wasn't the one she had seen countless times before. The sadness in its eyes, the way it's ears were laid back. That wasn't the Inna she knew, it wasn't her, except it was now. That old Inna had gone away to be replaced with this new one that been strong through so much and now it was all piling on top of her. It took her energy and left her laying in her den unable to move, what it had even taken to get to the water's edge.

All she did in her den was think of all the ways her life had ended up like it had. Inna feared what would happen if Jessie didn't back up her story and all trust was lost. She feared what would happen if she couldn't get past her mother's death and if she lost someone else she cared about. She felt herself slipping away but would she lose herself completely? Would there be nothing left of her?

She'd taken another step toward the water her paw becoming covered by the water. She saw the water sweeping over it and still she felt nothing. For a long time she watched the water as it caused her fur to sway in its current. The sound of approaching footfalls didn't bring her attention away. She didn't care who it was because she couldn't focus on more than one things just then. She couldn't handle the pressure that it put in her. Pressure that always seemed to be there, of the things that she put in herself to help the pack but it was all for not when she she had so thoroughly. She could not give anymore to the pack, she couldn't leave her daughter and she couldn't leave the one who had been there for her when she needed someone most.

Then his voice broke through her thoughts and she knew who it was, the chocolate man that called himself friend to her. And yet he had not bothered to find out how she was because if he had he would not have uttered the words that slipped from his mouth just then. Sure, he'd left food for her or at least she thought she caught his scent at her den entrance and that was nice and all but she needed her friend. The anger she felt toward Ayti for letting her down so completely flared up and quickly died. She did not have the energy to fuel it, what was the point anyway. Let him fall in line with the long list of wolves who had stepped all over her and not give a damn what it would do to her in the end. “I fear that she may be gone,” Inna said quietly without looking at him her tone heavy with the sadness that had consumed her. “And I don't know where to find her,” said Inna never looking at Ayti, “But if you see her you should tell her how you feel.”

~Table by Jacqueline

(This post was last modified: Sep 06, 2017, 12:46 PM by Inna.)

Please see Kajika's OOC profile for OOC preferences, thank you.