The easy but irresponsible thing to do would have been to leave then and there. The moment she realised that the world wouldn't end and they all wouldn't hate her guts forever and ever, the tether keeping her in the Bend had frayed down to the barest thread. It would have taken nothing at all to snap, just a gentle tug, and then
freedom.
She told herself not to feel guilty about it any more. It was how her brain worked, and that was that. She would rather be free and alone and apart from this place than sad and dying and here, dragging it down with her mood and awful hunting skills. Two and a half years old, and Rue was about to leave the only pack she had ever been a part of. When she stopped to think about it, she felt like a broken wolf, as if all her loyal, sacrificial aspects of devoting herself to a pack had been dropped on the floor when she was born and just forgotten to be applied. She heard the others talk about it - both here and all over the land - with such reverence, such a sense of
purpose, and it made her sad that she just didn't seem to get it. It didn't click. She thought that it might, once she found her people, but this was literally the pack she and her dad had been looking for her entire life. If it didn't click here, then when could it possibly?
Broken wolf it was, then. But oh boy, she'd be such a
free broken wolf.
The plan was to go that day. She'd fallen asleep in the communal den for the last time the night before, surrounded by the smell of the others, and she'd faced her last waking-up as a pack wolf. @
Serach and @
Spieden and @
Sahalie and @
Triell - they all knew her plans, she'd sought them out to say goodbye, to apologise for the change of heart, but most of all to thank them for absolutely
everything. They would never understand just how much this had meant to her, even if it hadn't been her destiny to grow old in this spooky old forest. Now that it was so final, she felt a strange reluctance to leave, as though the trees which she had been so utterly bored of suddenly meant something, triggered some kind of sadness that she was going to leave them behind. It was a curious feeling. She'd never been attached to places before. She'd rarely even slept in the same spot more than twice in a row, so had hardly given herself a chance to get emotional. But, suddenly, the unique scent of this place - the oak trees and the stream and the constant odour of so many wolves - struck a chord inside her, and she inhaled deeply, wanting more than anything to memorise it. If she might forget everything else, let her remember
this.
The sound of footsteps gently lulled her from her thoughts, and Rue saw her pack mate approaching, freshly woken and coming from the direction of the den. The young Tainn smiled, tail rising to wag in warm greeting, her mixture of melancholy and irrepressible excitement building even more. She hadn't had the opportunity to tell Leotie yet. The thought of another goodbye made her heart want to burst.
"Hey 'tee," she chirped, hopping once to turn and face her friend, desperately cramming it all into fresh pages so she might take the memories wherever she went.
"Late morning?"