Desperado

While Faol had mentioned- albeit briefly and with enough passion for Sagacity to keep her mouth shut- those he had belonged to prior to their meeting, she wondered, now, how extensive that family had been. He'd lost them all, she knew, to some terrible happening. Something that had made him angry and reluctant to join a pack. Had he had a mate? Had he had pups? She felt foolish, now, feeling so worked up about a child that was perfectly healthy, even if he was going through a rough spell. At least she still had him- Faol couldn't say the same for those he had once loved.

He'd looked away and his voice was dry when he laughed. She avoided looking up at him for a moment, knowing that the last thing he might want would be her prying eyes...But when he spoke again, she felt a heavy weight in her chest. There was something that they both knew and felt, but neither had said it outright yet. She had asked him to join the pack because she wanted him to be closer, to be safe and have a home, but she hadn't confessed anything that her heart had dearly wanted to say- and keep hidden, at the same time. She knew what he meant when he spoke then, and she felt her cheeks flush and her heart beat quickly. She knew at once that she was lost in some sort of rush- her nerves tingled and her whole body thrummed with adrenaline. She was too nervous to say the words and longer for him to say them...But knew that he, too, was held back.

For her, it was Mercy. She'd told the boy about Faol, but knew that he wouldn't accept him. She knew that he liked Crowe- he'd even asked her about if she was friends with him, if she'd seen him and if she had, what they'd talked about. He looked up to Crowe and she got the distinct feeling that whenever she did mention Faol that the boy got a bit ruffled.

Faol fell silent, even though she wanted for him to keep speaking...She wanted clarification from him, but she didn't want to be the one to make him explain. She didn't want to force him into anything, especially after all he'd been through...But still, every particle of her being begged for him to speak out, to stop being secretive and say what was on his mind. She wanted to know exactly what he felt for her- while being oblivious to the fact that she hadn't been obvious about her feelings either, apart from the silence and the brightness in her eyes which betrayed a fast, intense stream of thought. She didn't want to be the one to ask the question that begged to be asked. It haunted her, then, lingering just behind her lips, above her brow, in the tension in her shoulders. When he looked away, she felt left behind. She wasn't sure what he meant by it...Whether he was trying to discourage her feelings, or if he had to do so in order to hide his own.

Nevertheless, she decided against speaking and shifted closer to him, and with a soft, whisper of a whine, she lay her head on his shoulder, fearful of any action he might take...If he moved away and shunned her affection, did nothing and acted ambivalent or if he took the chance to embrace her, and make her question what path in life she was meant to take.

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Although the marbled male had corrected himself with silence, he could feel the ebbing in his chest. He felt as if his head were swimming with words he didn't know how to explain. Their conversation had shifted, moving from her plight with young Mercy, to an emotional scrabble between the two of them that you could almost cut with a knife. He felt foolish, because this was not what she had asked of him, but her reaction to his words was unexpected. Sage had seemed to set aside the mystery of his background and didn't attempt to make him say anything he didn't want too – just as he tried to do with Mercy. He could feel the mutual understanding between the two of them that certain things were better left unsaid; whether it was just for now or forever. This the male could appreciate and so he took her movement towards him positively. She had accompanied her reassurance with a soft whine, which tugged at the strings attached to his aching heart, and he embraced her fully.

Her affections were more than welcome and he leaned into her, eyes pulled shut, as he emitted a low affectionate growl. Faol was not sure of many things, but he was sure of the way he felt when he was with Sagacity. All of the things they didn’t know about each other, all of the things that were left unsaid – he didn’t care. After his run in with Mercy and Crowe he came to the realization that he might not be accepted by him, and he would never leave a decision to Sage to choose between the two of them. He was sure of what the answer would be.

Of course Faol had his run-ins with the female kind, but none like this. None that made him think twice or made him turn his back to the way things had always been for him. It was always clear that nothing would come of previous meetings, regardless of the situation, but this time it was different. This time he couldn't just walk away. He pulled away from her only to run his tongue along the side of her muzzle, followed by another deep affectionate growl. He had harbored these feelings for quite a while and if she was going to allow him he would finally let off a little steam. ”Sage, I’ve never felt.. exactly like this. I want,” he paused, seeking out her gaze. ”I care about you.. more than anyone. I came here for you. I hope you understand that,” he admitted, a heave coming from his chest. He was unsure what she was going to say. He still felt like his words were broken, but before he continued he wanted to see what her reaction would be.

(This post was last modified: Dec 04, 2013, 04:45 AM by Faol.)

She couldn't have predicted how she would have felt and reacted to the way that Faol leaned against her, embracing her completely, his body confessing what he had never said to her before. She'd known that it was coming- she'd hoped for it- but as soon as she felt this reciprocation of passion and tenderness, she all at once felt incredibly guilty and ashamed of herself. She did not move away from him- instead, her new insecurity begged for her to lean closer, which she did. But there was a nagging at the back of her mind- the image of Mercy's angry, shocked face came to mind. Rhysis' face came to mind. Even Crowe's face came to mind- even though he meant much more to Mercy than he did to her. She knew that Naira would approve of this- as would Mapplethorpe, she supposed. Faol was a good pack member- he didn't cause trouble, he was little more than a ghost- which was what made him fit with the pack so well. But she could feel Mercy's ire even though she knew he wasn't even watching.

She didn't know what to say when he replied. Selfishly, she wanted to forget everything and completely embrace the moment. She cared so much about him- and she wanted for him to be her family, for them to spend the rest of their lives together- even to have children. But Sagacity was no longer the selfish creature she had once been. She had Mercy to think about now- and she knew that this would be too tough on him. The last thing she wanted was for him to rebel in the middle of the winter...What if he left? What if he was outraged and went off on his own? She was faced with a difficult decision- to risk losing her son, or risk losing Faol. And she didn't want to lose either of them. There had to be a way around it.

"I know," She answered. She smiled softly when he kissed her cheek; she felt a flood of warmth surge through her. She'd never felt herself so drawn to someone- both physically and emotionally. She and Rhysis had had passion, but it had been based on lust, allure- she'd been drawn to his strength and power, his rank, even. Faol she loved to the innermost parts of his core- for who he was, how he treated her...And she'd never felt that way before. "I wanted you here...Not just in the pack, with me." She confessed. "You're my rock...I can trust you..And I want you to always be in my life." She said. Everything she said was the truth- but there was something that was going unspoken; the one thing that she knew would come between them. "I want this. I want you. But Mercy..." She said. She wished the boy had not become so difficult. "It's not a good time. He's confused, he's judgmental, he might hate you just out of spite, and I don't want that." She said. Her voice lowered. Mercy wasn't the only one who would suffer. "And I can't make you step in and take responsibility for him- he's at such a difficult stage...And with all the mistakes I've made," She said, and shook her head. She paused for a moment. "Now just...Isn't right. I know I shouldn't ask but...Would you wait for me?" She asked. She knew it was selfish- Faol could have easily gone on to find another in the time it took for Mercy to adjust to the idea that his mother might one day take a mate. She couldn't tell how long it would be- but she couldn't keep herself from asking, either.

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The moment that they had ended up in was equally confusing and heartwarming. He had thought about this since the time he had met Sage. He, accidentally intoxicated, and she helpful enough to see him through the night. All their meetings on the mountain, conversations, and the way their paths had crossed just enough times to get them to this point - it all felt so serendipitous to him now that he thought about it. The silver female felt secure in his embrace, sure that she was not going to run away and leave him standing there lost in these feelings. However, it seemed that she was going to slip through his paws like water once more, but promised not to leave him behind. Her confession was enough to make him believe that she was honest in her words, but he hoped that time would not pry her sentences apart.

He understood the concern for Mercy, and he would never ask her to choose between the two of them. It seemed that the boy was harder to handle than she had even explained, and he respected her for attempting to exile his inadequate thoughts and shower him with love. She wanted Mercy there, Faol could tell it would break her heart if he was to leave, still even when he comes of age. Nonetheless, the black male wanted to be the one there when the time came, if Mercy made that decision, to help Sage through and surround her with comfort. Sage made the confession finally that she did want him - and that's why he had come here. He was wary, but it all had seemed to fall into place for him.

"I understand, Sage. I wouldn't ever want to come between you and your son. He's lucky to still have his mother.. or to even have a family to protect and support him like Nomad's Pass does," he reassured her. "I will wait for you Sage. I will wait as long as you need me to. I hope that Mercy comes to terms with me eventually. He may never. That still won't change the way I feel about you. Ever." he said, seeking the most gentle tone in his voice; yet it housed steady reassurance.

It was enough to make him worry that things might change, that the terms of their relationship were not set in stone, but he was hopeful for their future. "I want all those things too. They have to be better than I even imagined if they were to be shared with you," he said as a faint smile pulled at the corner of his maw. Faol was a patient man and a man that kept his word. He would wait for her until the end of days and he prayed that her final commitment would come before then.

FAOL IS SUCH A SWEETHEART! I'm archiving this just as it is 'cause it's so perfect here, and this way we'll be closer to having all the NP threads tied up. LOVE YOU MUCH!

She was very fortunate to have found a man who was mature enough to realize that she couldn't ever make a choice between her love for a man and the love she had for her son. He was so young still, and dependent on her even if he didn't want to believe it. She knew a day would come when Mercy was older and more able to accept the fact that his mother had a life of her own to live- but right now, her life came second to his, in the eyes of both the mother and the son. Faol seemed to sense that Mercy's welfare was the only thing keeping Sagacity from accepting him completely as her mate- and she had no words which could possibly express her gratitude.

It was agreed, then, that some day they would be together. He promised to wait as long as necessary, and though Sagacity felt she could never make him wait for an eternity, she was glad for the offer all the same, even if it was selfish to feel that way. As much as she cared for him, now wasn't the time, but she knew that when the time came she could still love him just as much- or, at least, her heart told her so. But for now she was content simply to be promised to him, and leaned against his shoulder happily, hoping that their day would come soon.

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