I am the voice of your hunger and pain

ooc: For the post prompt. Any Willow Ridge wolves welcome.

Senka Flint allow me this moment of bliss so I may begin to miss the torment There was no way she could take it anymore. Oh how she tried so hard, she had really tried. Tried to keep herself busy with checking the cache and patrolling the territory to find any food to place within them. Unfortunately, nothing could be found, though she had spotted rabbit track but no rabbits. That had lasted an hour too long but it had kept her mind occupied and settled her restless paws for a time. The itch was still there, having died down once winter dug its vicious claws in and Senka was busy caring for her pack yet it had been inflamed ever since her brother had came to visit. Never taken for one to explore, it was clear something had been struck up in her brother when she saw him and though she begged him to stay, he left not long afterwards. The dame couldn’t understand it. Why, after so long of being content and happy with pack life, other than one or two times, did it have to come back? And after Rayne’s leaving it had taken everything within Senka not to chase after him, to follow in his footsteps and curb the hunger that cried out in her heart, to forget the pain that ached to be relieved by her travelling paws. But she couldn’t abandon her pack, not now or ever. Her life had been pledged to her pack and no matter how quietly the winds whispered in his ears or ruffled her fur, she wouldn’t follow. She couldn’t. Her duty as pack hunter wouldn’t allow it. As far as her knowledge extended, unless there was a new unknown wolf-her memory went back to the female that had called for her leaders not that long ago and wondered if she had been accepted-There were no skilled hunters within the pack. Only Senka. If Senka left, even for a brief amount of time, they would notice. Notice the drop in caches and why her scent was no longer as strong as it once was. She could ask Elettra or Angier to go after her brother, under the guise of being worried for him. But the guilt of lying to her leaders would remain and what if there was no want to go back? To return to the pack of Willow Ridge? Would she keep wandering until the guilt gnawed at her heart and soul, forcing her to go back and grovel? And yet, here she was, once again skirting about the borders of the packlands, her heart pounding and nerves screaming at her to just go before someone found her and wondered what she was doing. But at the same, her heart tugged painfully, reminding her of the pack that whose leader had so graciously taken her in despite her oddities. Could she do it? There was a knowing if this time, she left, there was no turning back. The tug was far too strong and the determination that she would return would wane, the longer she stayed away. The freedom to do what she wanted, to sleep under whatever stars she wished... It was all there and Senka so desperately wanted to take that step, that one step that would lead to her desolation was all over far too tempting. <b style="font-family:georgia; color:#fefefe;">

table by mimi

(This post was last modified: Feb 07, 2014, 06:10 AM by Senka.)

Since Angier had briefly interacted with Senka, the Leader had little else on his mind aside from minding where Elettra and her children were. Senka, he believed had done her job well, detaining the loner Adelaide until he had arrived on the scene. While he thoroughly enjoyed exuding his dominance over others and relished every feeling that came with such a privilege as being Elettra Archer's equal, he still felt, deep down, that he had yet to fully grasp his bearings as Leader. If anything was to be thought of and yearned for, Angier, above all else, wanted to be seen like his brother had once been. Borden had effortlessly and wordlessly demanded from his pack a mutual sort of respect and understanding. The awareness that, for as long as a member served under his and Jaysyek's reign, they would be protected and well thought of, so long as both subordinate and Leader saw eye to eye.

As the Lyall made his way through the trees, his downward gaze was brought up from his paws and the forest floor just beyond their reach. Someone or something was near and he wandered around a bit, following the sound of snow crunching underfoot. Soon enough, a familiar scent came to his frostbitten nostrils and his heart leapt at the fact that the very being he was trailing was the woman he had intended to speak to as soon as the opportunity presented itself.

He picked up his pace, half-sprinting and half-sauntering through the Willows. He stopped long enough to peer through the skeleton-like umbrella of a willow tree before withdrawing his head from the bare vines, "Senka?" He peered around a dense hedge of twigs and wilted long grass and tried again, "Senka?"

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Senka Flint allow me this moment of bliss so I may begin to miss the torment At first, Angier’s voice didn’t pierce Senka’s somewhat befuddled mind, as the russeted fae was still trying to decide whether actually cross the border and not look back or stay. It was quite the scattered attempt as her paws would dance along the edges. But when he called her name the second time around, the fae came to a jerky stop and swung to face him with wide eyes. He was standing near some twigs and long grass that looked badly wilted. The want to have another come and speak with her, to try and dissuade her from this terrible plan that lay so heavily on her, was still there but she felt guilt at the fact that it would be her male leader to do so. Surely he had enough on his shoulders with this winter, the burdens of the huntress shouldn’t be placed there too. And Senka knew she’d blurt it out. Let her problems tumble over her tongue and slip threw her fangs because really, that’s all she had been doing each and every time she came into contact with another wolf. weak a cruel voice taunted in her head. pathetic Her limbs begun to shake unconsciously as a small whimper was held back. No, she wouldn't be weak in front of Angier. She would stay strong. She had held on so far, had kept everything in check and order so nothing would fall to wreck and ruin. ...But how much longer could she hold on? The ache in her heart, begging her to spin around and run, now. do it and the voices whispering in her head how she was nothing and she couldn’t keep acting like a normal wolf because really, who was she kidding? Yes, she had told Elettra of her ability but since when had she actually used it? Not since stepping into this land, that was for certain. And the pack was relying on her. There was an unspoken promise to feed the pack, to keep them as healthy as possible but how could she, when there was not even a morsel of food to be found any more? Every day she checked the game trails and scoured the land but at the best of times, she saw only fleeting images of prey. Pawprints here and droppings there, rivers and creeks too frozen over for her to crack the ice, taunting her. As if saying ‘We were here but you can’t get to us!’ Yet she couldn’t run, no she wouldn’t. There was loyalty and promises to keep. Friends to see. She hadn’t seen Skana or Guiness in a while but the thought of leaving them behind hurt more then it should have. The thought of leaving any of her pack mates behind hurt. Why did it hurt though? She knew them all yes, but only by name and scent really and there were several scents that no longer dwelled in the pack lands and often times, the dame wondered what had happened to them. Two she knew had died but of the others? There was no idea and Senka dreaded to know what happened to them. Sema’s body flashed in her mind and she shuddered. Quickly though, the female realised Angier was still there, probably wondering why the hunter for his pack was staring blankly ahead. Taking a deep breathe and forcing herself to finally speak with an even tone, Senka plastered a tight smile on her muzzle as she bowed to him and creeped close enough to nudge her nose in greeting to his chin before backing away. ”Is there anything can I help you with Angier? fool the voice hissed. go away Senka begged within her mind, already feeling like she was teetering on the edge. If they kept going, she tumble over and she feared for the consequences. It was a sciamachy that was currently clashing inside of Senka, a shadow that she desperately hoped Angier didn't pick up on. Though she had spoken briefly with Elettra, there hadn’t ever been an in depth conversation about it. Never was there the mention of voices in her head and the explanation of her wandering ache was never fully told. Please, just be here because you were patrolling. The fae prayed helplessly and wanted to beg of him but didn't as the wait for Angier’s answer went on . Please, don't be here to speak with me, because it won't be of any help. I'm too far gone. Please. Please. <b style="font-family:georgia; color:#fefefe;">

table by mimi

in her head

thoughts

”Speech"

(This post was last modified: Feb 26, 2014, 08:41 AM by Senka.)

He looked one way and then another, glancing around the hedge itself and scanning its immediate surroundings. He came forward just in time to notice a flash of burnt sienna fur. It was her. Angier's tail wagged and though his head had instinctively lifted to wordlessly announce his superiority over her, he quickly touched his nose to hers before she drew away. She asked him if she could help him with anything, and he immediately shook his head. "No, not really. I... I..."

His brow furrowed as he paused and he took notice of the silence that followed soon after... like she was thinking about so desperately that he was stopping her from doing something. "I just wanted to thank ya for what ya did a while ago. Y'know, when that woman had come to the borders." His words hung back for a moment while he tried to visually assess what it was that was so plainly written on Senka's face. His muzzle drew his lips into a thin line that barely curved up into a slight smile. "Keep up the good work," the words might have been awkward on his tongue if it wasn't for the appropriate body language on his end, the unmistakable stance of a proud Leader and supervisor.

"Er," he fumbled with his words again, quite unsure this time around why he couldn't conjure up what he wanted to say. He was proud of Senka and was appreciative of her, that much was true, but he wouldn't dare to think of what could happen if his tone was mistaken for something like infatuation or endearment. Senka, in his eyes, was a hard-working woman and he could easily see now why Elettra had recruited her. "Is everything okay?" he tried asking a question this time instead of remarking that he could tell something was not right with the Willow Ridge Hunter.

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Senka Flint allow me this moment of bliss so I may begin to miss the torment Caught by surprise, Senka didn’t say anything for a moment. So he just wanted to thank her, and say she had done a good job at the border. That was all. Her heart fluttered slightly at the praise. It was clear it was done with good intentions and pride swelled in her. Ducking her head, a true small smile crossed her face. “It was no problem, and no need for any thanks. I was simply doing my part as part of the pack. I hope she didn’t give you any trouble, after I left.” Lifting her head once more, her eyes flittered over him. They were searching for any new wounds, though the reasonable part of Senka’s mind told her there shouldn’t be. She had heard the howl to call Elettra soon after her leaving. Not to mention Adelaide hadn’t seemed to type to attack for anything. Least of all in this harshness. To Senka, Angier was rather kind in seeking her out to thank her though, and she understood that he hadn’t been in the position of leader very long either. He held the role well so far, at least in her opinion. There was no knowledge of the entire story but there was no curiosity to pry any further. Yet when he asked if everything was alright, her breath rattled in her chest and she couldn’t stop her golden amber eyes from getting slightly misty. No, no. Don’t cry in front of him. NO. That is not allowed. Oh, why was she breaking down now, of all the times? The urge to tell him, to let it all spill out grew even larger. Senka attempted to make herself calm down and tried to better school her features. It didn’t matter how badly she wanted to tell Angier that no, everything was not fine, that she wanted to beg him to take away the voices in her mind and to ease the pain beating in her restless heart. No, she wouldn’t give in. He had much bigger problems than just her silly desire to explore. Like looking after a pack. Looking after her, since she was apart of that pack. But her burdens weren’t his. They were hers and hers alone. “Of course everything is fine,” The words were shot out quicker than a frightened rabbit out of its den at the question. liar liar, fur on fire shut up . “Nothing to worry over, really. Merely a little stressed is all. There’s precious little to find in ways of food lately and though I’ve managed to find a few morsels here and there, I’ll be glad when spring finally comes and the herds hopefully with it...” Knowing she was rambling, the dame shifted her paws before realizing she was still bordering on the edge of the territory. In backing away from Angier from her greeting, her back paws had crossed the line while her front were still settled firmly in the snow inside it. Panic shot through her at the realisation, like a lightning strike and while half of her was pleased at this and shouted at her to stop being foolish and just GO, the other half was convinced her it wasn’t the right thing to do. Tell him. He’ll understand! no, he won’t. Why did she fear speaking of this more than her ability? That’s what she should be truly fear telling him but fear of the unknown, fear that he would cast her out without thought at the merest mention of wanting to leave the pack, cast a much darker fear than fear of being seen as slightly quirky and insane. The latter which she greatly feared she was already. During all this, the previous attempt to appear alright and have truth to her words that the ‘everything everything was fine.’ facade had fallen.

table by mimi

(This post was last modified: Feb 27, 2014, 10:52 AM by Senka.)

If there was ever a word to be bestowed upon Senka Flint, it would have to be "humble." She bowed her head in a modest fashion, which merely prompted a small smile from him. Adelaide had not caused any trouble at all, actually, but Angier was still grateful to have been there... just in case. “Of course everything is fine,” she relayed. Angier wanted to buy into her words but he was rather glad when she admitted that she was stressed. It was shame; Willow Ridge and its surrounding territories had once been a place of refuge for a variety of prey but winter had transformed it into something akin to a death trap. Maybe the pack had been patrolling way too often, wasting precious energy and warding off potential game. He would have to bring this up to Elettra the next time he saw her.

"Yeah," he agreed, wincing slightly upon hearing that she, too, was anticipating the arrival of Spring. He also shifted his weight from his right to his left, glancing down once before he took another good look at her. Well, something was definitely wrong... He could sense it, but perhaps it was none of his business and he had no right to pry.

Angier kept quiet, trying to smile but failing horribly at it. He, too, was hungry, but he sorely wished now that he had managed to catch something for the hungry Hunter before him. She needed to energy to hunt, without anyone to hunt and fill the caches then the pack as a whole starved if they could not fill their own stomachs. It seemed like it was all just one vicious cycle.

"Allow me t' try an' bring you something," he tried, hoping that his offer would not be rebuffed. He stared into her face, trying to read whatever emotion was there. "But you would tell me if there was somethin' bothering you, right?" A slight pause to gauge her reaction to his affirmation, "We're... pack. You can trust me."

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Senka Flint allow me this moment of bliss so I may begin to miss the torment At first, Senka did want to rebuff Angier’s offer to hunt for her, to tell him that was her job to get food and he needn't worry over her. She was a hunter and could take care of herself perfectly well. And she wanted to tell him that. But the words that fell from her muzzle weren’t the ones she wanted to say. ”That would be much appreciated. But only if you allow me to return the favour.” There was an understanding that food was scarce He then continued on, looking at her as if he was trying to decipher something. "But you would tell me if there was somethin' bothering you, right?” There was a pause and Senka drew in breath, her blood pounding in her ears. “We're...pack. You can trust me." Oh no. Oh no no. At those words, the huntress felt somthing break inside of her and she couldn’t hold back tears anymore. They trailed down her cheeks and her legs, so wobbly before, gave out beneath her. The burnt sienna dame fell into the snow, her sobs loud and uncontrollable. In her old pack, there were only three wolves she trusted and who trusted her back. To hear those words from Angier, a practically unknown wolf to her...For him to tell her she could trust him ....Why did this hurt so much? Her head pounded and her body shook. She treated her ability so blatantly, without so much as a care in the world. It was a part of her, something she couldn't change. But this ache, it made her want to change who she was, wanted her to be something disloyal and everything she wasn’t! ”No, everything’s not alright.” The fae managed to croak out, her voice cracking and almost inaudible to Angier’s ears. It felt like a war was waging inside of her and it hurt. One side of her wanted to leave and never look back, not caring for the other side, the loyal pack wolf that wanted to stay and care for her pack. And that’s the side that Senka wanted to keep, because deep down she knew if she gave into her wanderlust, she would the loyal and caring side would disappear from her completely. And she feared that outcome. Feared what it could change her into. Would she become like her sister? ”Have you ever felt like just running away? Wanted to feel the burn of pain in your paws and legs so badly that you didn’t care if they started to bleed and beg for rest? Wanted to run freely with the wind? They were falling freely now, like a dam and there was no way to clog the flow of words. {b}”Sleep where you wanted, under the stars? Have no worries or responsibilities? I want to do that. I want to leave and never come back.”[b/] A small voice told her she was being childish. Of course everyone wanted to do that. Would Angier understand though? <b style="font-family:georgia; color:#fefefe;">

table by mimi

Angier watched as her walls fell away, observed as she bent at the elbows and knees and collapsed into the snow. Unsure how to react, he stood silently by as she sobbed and quivered. He had wanted to tell her that it was his job to look after her, to provide shelter, and a comfortable life for as long as she was loyal to Willow Ridge, but as she lay there, he sighed. His sand-colored ears drew back and a low note crooned from his throat. "I..."

”Have you ever felt like just running away? she asked him, "Wanted to feel the burn of pain in your paws and legs so badly that you didn’t care if they started to bleed and beg for rest? Wanted to run freely with the wind?" Angier's lips parted as all the chapters of his past and history within Relic Lore reared their ugly heads. She continued to question him and in his head he found himself victim of five ravenous wolves - the young wolf from Bertram Valley, the Scout of Midnight Plateau, the traitor of Swift River, the loyalist of Grizzly Hollow, but more prominent than all of them, the wandering rogue who had made a number of trips to and from Willow Ridge and in and out of Relic Lore.

"Yes," he whispered. "And I have... for years now."

His muzzle dipped downward as he looked at the anguish on her face, the tears that had fallen as though she had gotten something small between her black-lined eyelids. "I know how you feel," he lent, his compassion for her finally come through in his tone of voice. "It's not worth it, if you can't be sure that you'll be able to find your way back home." His ears drew up and forward before swiveling back along his nape. "This desire to travel... It will pass. I wasn't always here, y'know..."

Another attempt to smile fell away. "Before I came to Willow Ridge, I was apart of three different packs apart from my birth family. That feeling of running away has always been there. In fact, I still feel like leaving, myself, but I've given Elettra my word... and I'm not as young as I used to be." He made a face as he hastily came back to Senka's point. "If you leave us now, you might not be able to come back, but if that's what ya want, I am not going to stop you. Your fate is what you make of it, Senka, an' you shouldn't let us determine that for you."

While he longed to raise his hackles and bristle his fur at such an idea, for the words that had tumbled from the very tip of his own tongue, he clenched his teeth and looked away. He would not emulate his brother Borden if he could help it. Elettra had enough fury and regards towards regulation for the both of them. "Leave... if you want..." And my high regards for your service will go with you...

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(OOc: *throws up hands in defeat* Okay, I'm done with this post. Spent three days trying to work with it and I'm done! Hopefully, it makes enough sense.)

Senka Flint allow me this moment of bliss so I may begin to miss the torment Laying in the snow, with her ears lifting slowly to listen to him and her tears slowly stopping, Senka begun to feel a little foolish. Okay, a lot foolish. Why had she believed no one would understand her? It certainly wasn't something that plagued her alone. Especially now listening to Angier spin his story. Dropping her head when he finished, Senka smiled at him wearily. "I know I won't be the same if I leave." She agreed shakily. "It's what I fear, really. More than the wanderlust.” She whimpered lowly, tucking her limbs. However, her brain stopped when a second later, the fact he was essentially blessing her way spilled into it, telling her that if she wanted to, she could leave. No, you’re meant to stop me! Part of her wanted to scream at Angier. Not meant to encourage! Tell me I’m being stupid, tell me I have to stay! Please. He was giving her the chance to leave, without fault. Senka turned her head, feeling her skin prickling and the fur on the nape of her neck rising in both uncertainty and eagerness. This was her chance, to run and flee, to give in to the feeling that haunted her entire life. And suddenly, for some reason, Senka didn’t want to go. No longer wanted to leave. Something still the itch, the whisper in the winds that tickled her fur. Why? Then she remembered the words Elettra offered Senka the first time they ever met. The matriarch of the pack accepted her without a blink of an eye, even after the telling of her past. And now, Angier was doing the same. Accepting her for who she was and it muddled Senka’s mind greatly. She wasn’t used to this, wasn’t used to just being so accepted without a second thought. Being jeered at and teased, not trusted and being called a traitor and filth. That’s what she was used to. Acceptance and trust were almost foreign concepts to her. But why the urge to stay, which was now stronger than the urge to leave? because if you leave now, you’ll die. So will they Her mind reminded her of the snow and cold, the hunger and fretful nights it caused even protected in a pack, that awaited her if she left now. Her stomach roiled at the memory of Sema laying sprawled in the snow, looking so thin and starved, with ribs showing that surely weren’t just from being left out to the elements. She’d leave in the spring, perhaps even the summer if she could hold out that long. Help replenish the pack’s caches and put on some weight. She owed Willow Ridge and its leaders that much, at least. “I’ll stay, at least until spring and the prey have returned, so the caches can be filled again.” She finally announced, feeling nearly brave at the words. She took a deep breath to calm herself further, closing her golden eyes briefly before letting out a rush of air. “There’s....I can’t, in good conscience, leave while knowing everyone could potentially starve. And it would be unwise for me to go now too. The snow is still too wicked, even though we are getting close to spring.” <b style="font-family:georgia; color:#fefefe;">

table by mimi

She was afraid that she wouldn't be the same if she left. He turned back to look at her and the hard gaze in his eyes softened. Where he should have let loose a bit of wisdom, he kept quiet. It was apparent by the look on his face that he was no longer judging her; instead, he seemed to be looking for all the reasons why she would even consider the idea of leaving as if they had been plainly written on her face. He audibly sighed, continuing to hold his peace; Elettra, Borden, Jaysyek, Nolan... they were all capable of this kind of stuff, the bestowing of insight and understanding. All Angier could do was listen...

"I’ll stay, at least until spring and the prey have returned," she divulged, "so the caches can be filled again."

So be it, his conscience hissed.

Angier began to step away from her. "There’s...." Senka stumbled over her words and the Willow Ridge Leader cast his gaze back to her face. "I can’t, in good conscience, leave while knowing everyone could potentially starve. Angier's lips drew into a thin line, still unsure of her words as she continued, "And it would be unwise for me to go now too. The snow is still too wicked, even though we are getting close to spring." "So you do mean to leave us," he said slowly, not amused in the slightest. In that very moment, it would seem that Elettra had, at long last, rubbed off on him; a positive sign that Angier had finally understood most, if not all, of the pack's core values. If it weren't for the Hunter's devotion, her apprehension of the concept of honor and strength, he might have snapped. Her loyalty seemed to be an impending issue...

He began to scrutinize her again, his pupils focusing on every inch of her as she lay before him in the snow. He opened his mouth to speak but momentarily hung on his words the more he stared at her. Ultimately, after a few minutes had passed, he turned to walk away. "If you do go, Senka," he stated, his voice low in his throat. "I hope you fin' whate'er yer looking for." A flick of his tail and Angier Lyall began to march back into the trees.

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