Secret Woodlands Well, I've been afraid of changing cause I've built my life around you

RE: There is a heavy snow storm on the way. Private for @Nina please?!

The aging male was restless and it was beginning to show in each powerful step that he took. He hadn't slept in two days -it showed in his tired eyes- but nagging stress would not allow him to remain still; he had a pack to run and mouths to look after. As he walked the perimeter of his home he couldn't help wondering what was to happen to the Woods once snow covered the ground and winter took over the Ruins; already the branches were tipped with icy fingers. To test the weather he exhaled deeply and watched as a white puff of smoke floated from his mouth to disappear into the icy chill of the winter wind where it would remain a constant reminder that this year may be worse then the last. The knocking wind pressed against his pale coat, a sign that a storm was brewing soon, and he was determined to complete his rounds before the end of the day where he would finally retire to his den for a rest. He would not let the weather slow him down, he was on a mission that included speaking with the long time queen.

After covering the expanse of their pack in a little over an hour he circled around to the middle of the pack where he would settle to his haunches and send forth a howl to a woman who recently worn multiple hats--she was his friend, co-leader, ex, and a woman he hoped to confine in. Since the summer the feelings of love he'd felt over the golden haired woman had disappeared to be replaced with those he'd felt for the likes of the other long standing members in the pack. He respected her and hoped that she did as well, this meeting would surely be the test of just how much trust she placed in him. While he waited for @Nina he thought of Iopah, a woman who had quickly stolen his heart and made him consider something new in the pack, there were rules in the pack and Koda wanted to be sure that he had the complete blessing of his co-leader before advancing in anything with the golden eyed tawny woman. He hoped that she would understand what he wanted to ask of her, and if she didn't, he was sure their partnership may be cracked because of it but it was something he had to do, a pressing matter he needed answered, and he would do it for the future of his generation...

(This post was last modified: Nov 21, 2014, 04:28 AM by Koda.)

Arla and Emma are the ish and made my pretties!
Koda will most likely always be accompanied by Chiron unless otherwise stated, or requested.

She had been quite busy with the oncoming winter. She had been doing her best to train Aideen in the art of healing as much as she could. Nina knew that when things were getting tough she wouldn't be able to juggle all the roles within the pack. They had Iopah for hunting and Koda for being a Guardian, and while Nina could certainly handle healing on her own, she enjoyed being a teacher, something she could not always be if she was handling the tasks of a healer, a year round job. The woman had not been expecting her partner to be calling for her today. She had been on her way to spend more time with her children when Koda had called for her. It made her wonder what she could have possibly been called for. The Reinier was never one to call for Nina and if he was, then it must have meant some important matters. Due to this, the mother moved towards where Koda's call had been made, concerned with what could have gone wrong. The golden brown dam moved easily through the thorny thicket, her jog silent. The alpha knew her lands so well, it was easy for her to act like a ghost since she had been practicing it for the past several years. Often, she still thought of Ruiko's death, it weighing heavily on her heart...a heart that had once again become compassionate of others. She soon had realized the error of her ways. She had treated some so cruelly and she once again could feel her heart beating for those around her. The most recent litter that she had birthed certainly helped, and she loved them quite dearly. This time, she channeled that to the other wolves within her pack and those of her allies. She had certainly learned from her mistakes and she knew that it was time to make up for them. And so when she arrived, she could easily tell that the man she once loved, and would always love, was in distressed. She knew him well, even after everything that had happened, and her heart went out to him. Finally, she spoke, her voice breaking through the silence, "Koda...what seems to be bothering you?" Her tail flicked behind her, wanting to comfort him. But she remained steady and instead awaited his answer.

Dawnthieves.de - Table by PuppyThief

(This post was last modified: Nov 24, 2014, 08:03 PM by Nina.)

As he waited he fell to his haunches, his thoughts once more his main company. It had been that way for days now as time passed into winter and he found that worry clouded his features more than he'd expected--being leader only made for worse anxiety. There was never a moment that he didn't question whether this was what he wanted, and whether choosing Iopah as his partner was his best choice, but the feelings he felt for her were real and he knew that not diving in would be his biggest regret. He would not hurt her and he was positive that she would value his feelings much the same. He only hoped that others looking in would understand their budding relationship.

As he exhaled a breath he'd been holding, he found that Nina had arrived and her quiet arrival did not surprise him. She was more seasoned than any of the other members and knew these lands like no other, even more than he and it had been his home more than once. Secret Woodland would probably forever be her home and it showed in the way that she carried her self, she was a presence that demanded attention and immediately he found himself standing on all fours, his head dipping to her in respect. She worried over him, it was a feeling he did not expect from her and when he found his composure he shook his head after clearing his throat to speak, "Nina...there is plenty on my mind, but I wish to only share a few with you today..." he trailed off, studying her posture and relaxing momentarily. He had nothing to fear from her, she would not harm him and he would try his best not to harm her either during this encounter, "I'm sure you may have noticed that Iopah and I have gotten closer and I intent to make her my mate soon," it was of no real surprise, especially since he was in his prime and taking up a mate at his age was nothing to squeal over, "how would you feel about that?" he only asked because he knew how close both women were. He could only imagine how she would take the news considering Iopah had been there for her when Koda had disappeared on her as her mate, leaving his children without a father, and now he intended on giving the tawny woman his last name and hopefully if the season permitted, pups. He didn't necessarily need the golden woman's permission more than her blessing, he wanted to be sure that him moving on would not effect her and her decision to remain his partner.

One thing that Nina had always appreciated about Koda was his unrelenting honesty with her. It was one thing, after all that they had been through, that she could rely on. Though she was slightly surprised by what he brought up. Iopah and Nina had already had a conversation much similar to this, so Nina had assumed that they had spoken over her terms and decided to stay within the pack. That was probably for the best...considering if they left Secret Woodlands would not have a male leader that was worthy of them. The Hervok had already made it bluntly obvious that Miccah was not a worthy companion by her side. She took the time now to settle on her haunches, evaluating Koda carefully as she considered what she could say to him. Obviously, she would tell him the same thing she had told Iopah and hopefully he would take the news without testing her...for the safety of their pack and the future. So without having to think long about what she was going to say, she made eye contact with his familiar, enticing golden honey eyes. Opening her mouth, she spoke softly, "I am well aware of your relationship and have been for quite some time now..." she remained silent then, allowing him to process the information that she had already known, and the peace that she had given them through knowing this information. "I have been waiting for you to ask me about this...and all I want you to be is happy." She paused again, her throat closing up at what she was saying. Of course, her heart would always beat for Koda, he had been her first love and their chemistry had been undeniable from the start. Through him, she had gotten to where she as today, whether she would have liked to admit it or not...but even the emerald eyed woman had her limits. And so she continued, "So I will tell you the same thing I told Iopah...I am so happy for your relationship, but there should be no question about children....it's against the rules." And it also hurt her to think of him having other children with another. Especially in a pack that she had never abandoned and had created herself with Sloane, whom was also long gone by now. She hoped that from the bond that they had forged over their renewed partnership would be enough for him to understand the decision that she had made.

Dawnthieves.de - Table by PuppyThief

@Nina! sorry for the wait Lightning!

As he stared at her, as her equal, the pale agouti male realized something he had not noticed before. The woman he had known, the Nina who had previously ignored his presence all those many moons ago, now seemed to welcome him. The concern that laced her features made his chest grow tight as he found the strength to break her gaze where his attention lingered momentarily at his thick paws. This was the acceptance he had been waiting for, and yet this very meeting could be the request to break it into a million little pieces once more. "I am happy to hear that you wish for my happiness Nina and I hope to have this with Iopah. As you are aware, breeding season is coming up..." he trailed off, as she beat him to the punch. A deep inhale of cold air caused him to shudder as he contemplated what she had said and he fought to keep his composure while standing next to her.

He could not fathom taking Iopah as his mate and not having his seeds grow within the same pack that had sheltered his first litter a little over a year ago. The woods had always been home, and he sought to rule it as he had before his departure but he could not imagine ruling a land where his puppies could not exist because of outdated rules. It was unfair to him and the hierarchy he wished to start with the Barberi woman, "I am knowledgeable of the rules of this pack, you reminded me just last year." he paused, continuing after a long deep inhale, " but I would hope that for the future of the pack you could bend them. With our numbers so low, could we spare to go a year without a generation to help replenish what we have already lost?" he questioned her, knowing that despite these rules he had no intention on breeding with his partner. His heart no longer belonged to her, and he expected much the same from the golden woman. He hated pleading, it was not a personality trait of his' but he was willing to discuss with her certain conditions of where a happy medium could be reached and as a fierce wind picked up around them, he braced himself for the possibility of denial from the woman who had once been his. "Could she really be so selfish to deny me happiness?"

(This post was last modified: Dec 31, 2014, 11:40 PM by Koda.)

Arla and Emma are the ish and made my pretties!
Koda will most likely always be accompanied by Chiron unless otherwise stated, or requested.

This post was so hard to write. It actually physically made me ill to write it. Nina and I are too much alike for our own good.

The Hervok was pleased with how the meeting was going so far, Koda seemed to be pleased with her being happy for him and approving of the new love that he had found. However, it seemed the Reinier was not completely pleased and he was trying to push her far over the edge, much further than she was willing to be pushed. Her mood shift was obvious with her dropped smile and her single eye dimming of happiness. She definitely wanted the happiness, but her need to follow the rules of the pack, which Sloane and she had set in place long ago always won out, no matter how much she wished to permit it. She truly felt like she was sinning and that something was going to swallow her whole. Just the thought of going against the rules made her stomach churn unpleasantly to the point where she shifted and visibly cringed. At such a young age she had always been taught to always be good and when Ruiko and Aeylen accepted her into the pack, she followed their laws unconditionally and had set her own up in a much similar structure to theirs. It was her own way of honoring her fallen lord and keeping them alive in her heart. Forcing herself to look up at Koda and answer, her eyes glistened in deep sadness. They had always been his way of knowing what she was feeling, and she hoped he made the connection now as she spoke, "It is not my intention to deny you what you want...but you know me well...or...you did in the past." She took a shaky breath, her voice wavering as she spoke to him, "And back then, you use to respect me and love me for following the rules because it was how I had grown up and was literally rooted into me since the day I was born. I never waver from being true to myself, Koda, and if there is even a bit of the man I fell in love with still in you, then you will understand and respect my wishes." After she said this, she broke his gaze, her single eye falling to the earth in front of her, an extremely rare act of submission to her former lover. She spoke, with one last thing to add, her voice hollow, "I don't except anything from you in regards to me...but I will follow the laws that have been set in this pack since Sloane and me founded it. I am so sorry, Koda." She didn't dare look up at him in fear of seeing the disgust and repulsion there for denying him what he wanted so dearly. She too wanted children but she would respect Koda and never force him into anything. The pack would be fine. There were gaining members and the children would soon be yearlings...making it easier for their numbers in the upcoming season.

Dawnthieves.de - Table by PuppyThief

(This post was last modified: Jan 02, 2015, 02:12 AM by Nina.)

No harsh feelings! It was a good post :D @Nina!

The silence that built seemed to last for hours and yet he stood at his spot without movement and stared at Nina, in wait of her response. He contemplated his options, and though there were not many, he knew that if she denied him of his ability to sire puppies than the Woods could not be his home--there would no longer be happiness here. When she began to speak, with sadness in her eyes, he knew her response before she had even said it and felt a weight drop to the pit of his stomach, he had forgotten the loyalty that Nina held and momentarily he had even lost himself in the conversation but the pull he had for Iopah seemed much stronger than the pack. He wanted this with her, for her, and since age was no longer on his side, he could not sit idle and wait for a change in the pack when next year could just as well be the last he had as leader in the pack. It was unfortunate and yet, it was what he knew must be done. "I do not want you to do anything that you are uncomfortable in doing Nina, I cannot request that from you... " he trailed off, no longer meeting his gaze as a feeling of regret, sadness and disappointment welled in his eyes. He did not think it would have to come to this.

"and you are wrong, I still respect you Nina, and I hope that there will be no harsh feelings between us if I say that I do not agree with your decision but I will attempt to uplift what you and Sloane began..." he felt weak, and his stomach felt strange but he did not show this to the golden queen, instead he remained strong in her presence, his mind working a million miles per second. He had hit a dilemma, and he knew that either choice could alter his life and those of his future generation for years to come--he needed time to think on it, but that would be in a little while. "but I cannot guarantee that the Woods will remain my home come breeding season." and he searched her features, knowing that these would not be words she wanted to hear. It pained him just as it pained her to deny him what he wanted, but he knew that staring at Nina, with her sons growing into yearlings by the next year, that she could never understand how painful it was for him to not experience the blessing of children once more.

She hated this. Having to deny him what he wanted. It had never been a problem when they had been a couple, she had willingly complied to anything he had asked. They had both changed and now it was finally taking its toll on them. She watched him carefully, knowing that even though she couldn't see it, he was hurting. While she yearned to reach out to him to comfort him, she remained rooted in place, her single eye remained trained on his right shoulder. She sighed heavily, not knowing what they could do. When he spoke, she glanced up briefly allowing his words to sunk in. They warmed her heart that he actually understood, but his final words were like thorns to her thawing heart. Her single eye narrowed and lips pursed in anger. She was a woman where family mattered more than all else and this pack wad her family. Now that he was leading beside her Secret Woodlands was his home too. She felt the unwelcome darkness that had been biting at her soul for months now returning. It raged like a fire inside of her and she desperately tried to control it. When she spoke, she was almost surprised at how toneless and robotic her voice sounded, when on the inside, it was like a hurricane, ready to draw her out and rush her into death. "Then you are a dishonor and disgrace to the family here. If you do choose to leave and Iopah follows you...you will never be welcomed back...ever." As the words left her mouth, she felt her heart once again explode in pain inside of her chest. The golden beauty had been so pleased when Koda had risen to leadership, there had been no more need for Miccah to lead beside her. But now all he was doing was abandoning them...abandoning her just as he had promised he would never do. She shouldn't have been surprised that he would break his promise again. So while there was a war raging on the inside, she remained collected in front of her former lover, not wanting him to see how much his decision was truly affecting her.

Dawnthieves.de - Table by PuppyThief

It seems when you're around, my life is complete.

They had both changed. Though he remained a selfless individual who enjoyed seeing the happiness of others, he had begun to see that his own happiness had suffered in the aftermath and since his return had vowed to ensure that he did not neglect his own needs. He wanted this with Iopah, and with her he wanted nothing more than to create a family so that the new year could be the start of their new beginning but he hadn't expected so many hurdles. He had expected Nina to be happy that he had finally moved on and was starting his intimate life once again--as he stared into her singular eye he realized how wrong he was. He could sense the hesitation in her voice, and he wondered if she were hurting to deny him what he'd taken the time out to ask her for but her words did not mimic her expression, instead she banished him and his future wife. Sighing deep, he shook his head a moment in disbelief.

He hadn't wanted things to go over this way, he hadn't wanted to threaten leaving the Woods if he couldn't have things his way but he knew that if he stayed in the pack where he could not completely be himself he would be holding himself back again. He couldn't do that and he refused to show any more emotion as he thought long and hard for a reply. Nothing came to mind, he didn't want to leave Nina and the pack behind, he had worked so hard to accomplish his status and now it was all being threatened because of his natural expectation to breed. He needed an outlet and he needed to be out of the area; fast. "I will let you know of my decision soon..." he stated with his gaze averted, he was not sure how long it would take to make up his mind. He needed time to think things over, he needed Iopah's input and he also needed to be sure that risking his rank and home was worth the potential for puppies with the agouti second. He also needed to be out of Nina's company, lingering any further was making him uncomfortable in his own skin, "we will seek you out." and he turned on his toes in the opposite direction from where he came, his speed increased until he was at a full run and within moments he was but a spot in the distance.{Exit Koda}

Arla and Emma are the ish and made my pretties!
Koda will most likely always be accompanied by Chiron unless otherwise stated, or requested.

Her words physically and mentally scarred her. She could feel her heart aching in her chest, but she would never let Koda see him so broken on the inside. All it would do was make him feel worse about the situation they were currently in. The heart that he had worked so hard to mend and heal completely shattered with her final denial of his wishes. She felt her brain shut down along with her nerves as she dully waited for his response. When it came, she barely acknowledged them and hardly even realized that he had left until she had slid to the thorny ground, a pathetic whine escaping her mouth. Her paw was thrown over her muzzle, as if enough pressure and reassurance from herself would keep her together. That this union, between her two trusted members, could end up being her undoing. The fact that Koda had even felt the need to think about breaking laws tarnished her soul, the one he had also sought to mend. Though she probably should have gone after him and shouted in anger and something that would probably end in tears for the both of them, Nina remained dormant, unable to move and her body barely functioning. She lay for several hours, her ears flicking backwards when she noticed paw steps. Panicked that someone might see her in such a disheveled state, the regal woman took her leave like the silent ghost she was, and tracked her home to the very place that no one would ever dare interrupt her. She needed time alone... Time to rebuild the barriers she had so long forgot to put up.

Dawnthieves.de - Table by PuppyThief

It seems when you're around, my life is complete.