Sex: FemaleThe recent snowfall had Inna more worried about the pack and if they would make it through the winter. She felt she was doing all that she could to do her part but with their numbers so low she wondered if they were bringing home enough prey. She also worried more about her mother during these times and hoped Kisla made it to Oak Tree Bend okay and was safe within their borders. The longer she was away Inna worried that she might not see her again, that with her father and most of her children gone she might decide not to come back. Inna shook her head to clear those thoughts before they took too much of a hold, she couldn't dwell on those things when there were mouths to feed and borders to patrol. The snow crunched under her paws as she left the communal den where she always stayed and the snow had already started to collect on her pelt. Still she couldn't let a little snow stop her from taking care of her responsibilities, she was however grateful the snow wasn't falling very heavily as she made her way towards the border. As always she was on the alert for any prey that might have stumbled across her path. She was stopped in her travel as the sound of crunching snow reached her ears, which stood alert for any other signs that there might be prey. |
![[Image: 2wrks2e.jpg]](http://i59.tinypic.com/2wrks2e.jpg)
It was not approaching prey that caused the snow to crunch, but another wolf. Larger than Inna, with wide eyes. His mouth grew dry as he swallowed the lump in his throat.
Aleksei had finally decided to seek out his only remaining sibling – at least, the only one that remained within Hearthwood River – Inna. He had seen her only once, when she was but a bundle of fur, mewling in the darkness. Shortly after her and Lekalta's births, Aleksei had decided to try to reclaim Cut Rock River for their sake, so they could grow up where he grew up, and where he once dreamed his own children would grow up. The young boy believed he would make the journey, and duel Rook Lyall … but look where he had ended up.
Alone, lost, and cold, with no glory for his family in his paws. No real home for his youngest siblings to grow up in – just guilt. Guilty, guilty, guilty, with nothing but sins and regret to show for his journey.
And here he was again, almost a stranger in the lands his mother and father had staked ownership to (this time with no intent of letting it be ripped from beneath their feet). What an idiot he had been. With his sister now before his eyes, he felt that guilt resurface all over again.
He hadn't been there for his father, his mother. He hadn't been there for his younger siblings. He hadn't been here for her. Stupid, selfish simpleton!
“Inna,” he finally said aloud, “do you know who I am?” This was not the first time he had asked a younger sibling that question. Ask again, with purpose this time, he thought – surely his parents would have mentioned him. “I'm Aleksei. Aleksei Baranski. Do you know that name?”
Whispering leaves & pointing branches will tell them where I'm lying
It has started as a normal day in which she would do a little hunting and a border patrol or two. Despite the cold and snow there was work to be done and she was going to get it done because it was the best way she could think to help Lachesis like her mother had said. She was going to do her best at that and make her mother proud because it might help her to feel a little better when she finally returned. Inna did miss her a lot and hoped she would return soon but as the days dragged on she felt Kisla might not return until spring. It wasn't prey that had caused the crunching of the snow undershirt feet but another wolf much larger than her and one that seemed to be a new pack member. She'd seen him around but hadn't yet had the chance to talk to him but now it seemed she could get that chance since he was speaking to her and he knew her name. As he spoke she remained curious about him especially when he asked if she knew who he was. She tilted her head to one side in confusion trying to remember if she'd ever met him before and when she couldn't find his face in any of her memories she shook her head, “I don't think so.” Then he went on to introduce himself, Aleksei Baranski, she knew that name as it had been mentioned to her many times before. “Yes, I know that name,” she almost whispered. Inna didn't know how to react to this situation. Should she be glad to see him or angry with him for only returning now and not being there when her father died and the rest of the family had left her in Hearthwood. Most of all why hadn't he been there when she was a puppy to teach her things and take her exploring, all the things a big brother should do. “What have you come back for?” She finally asked not seeing why he would come back after so much time and with their family gone from Hearthwood. |
She knew his name. Whilst Aleksei wasn't surprised by that revelation, he was relieved – relieved that his parents had kept him alive in the minds of his younger siblings. But his guilt and anxiety would not be quelled just yet. Rather, Inna's next words were like gasoline to fire: what have you come back for?
Aleksei visibly flinched.
It was almost accusing, as if he didn't quite belong here any more – as if she were saying why are you even hear? You made your choice months ago; you left us. What could he say in response? It shook him to his very core, honestly. He wanted to say that it was because he was family, but that was a piss poor excuse and he knew it. She wouldn't take that – she was young woman now, not some child who could be persuaded by sweet words (not that Aleksei would ever have any intention to manipulate her).
His tongue felt heavy in his mouth, foreign. If he could stick it out and then bite it off, he would. Sucking in a deep breath, he steadied himself before trying to explain just why he'd been such a horrible excuse for a brother, and why he had come back. “I left, I know. And I'll never forgive myself for all the things I missed.” Inna's childhood, the internal conflict of the pack, his father's passing. “It's just – there was so much pressure. To be a better wolf than my dad. Everyone had these expectations that I'd be a great leader, that I'd lead after him. At least, that's how it felt.”
Aleksei licked his lips anxiously. “I had all this weight on my shoulders. It was suffocating, I didn't know how to deal with it. Maybe it was self inflicted – I think it might have been. I was … I was scared. Scared I wasn't going to be good enough. That I was going to disappoint. I ran away from my problems.” He didn't need to bring up the first time he left – that was different, that was him trying to be good for his family, but also being an idiot kid and getting lost. “But I'm here now.”
It probably didn't matter, the damage had been done after all. Deep down, though, there was a shred of hope in Aleksei's heart that Inna would forgive him for his pathetic fears, would forgive his failings as a brother. It also held out that @Kisla would forgive him for being a terrible son, but that would come about another time. “I want to make it up to mum, to uncle. To you.”
“I want to make my dad – our dad – proud. I know he's gone, but he's watching us from above, or something. I'm sure of it. I know he's watching and waiting for me to do what he always knew I could do. I'm … I'm still scared, yeah, but I think, for his sake, I can swallow that fear.” So far so good, he reckoned. He fell quiet for a moment, giving his younger sibling the time she needed to absorb what he had said. And yet, he had left one, important thing unsaid. “Inna,” he breathed out her name. “I know you don't know me, but I want you to.”
His anxiety was reaching its boiling point, bubbling and hissing, steaming, foaming, howling –
“I want to make up for everything.”
It was screaming inside him.
“Will you let me?”
It was hot, hot, hot, and burning white in this back of his throat.
“Please.”
Whispering leaves & pointing branches will tell them where I'm lying
All her life she'd heard about him and now she finally was getting to meet the brother that she had begun to think she would never meet. What was she supposed to do let him in because he was family? Forgive him for never being there like Orren had? For not being there for the family when their father had died? It wasn't that simple and it wasn't something she was sure she could do. What she did know was she was guilty of leaving too but she had come back for her family because they were the most Important thing to her. She had been there for them when they had needed her most and did the best that she could. In the end they had all left her with what...a pack that felt like it was falling apart and land that was starting to feel like it wasn't home. Was he going to make that all better for her? What has he come back for? Inna would give him chance to speak his peace, explain to her why he hadn't been the brother he should have been, why he wasn't there when their father died. She would do it because it was the right thing to do and because regardless of what he had done he was her family and he deserved the chance. There was also a small part of her that wanted to hear the justification he had for his actions. So as he spoke she listened doing her best to really hear him and not let her emotions get in the way of the chance she was giving him. Inna could understand being under pressure, it was something she felt every day. Pressure to watch over the pack and it's lands, to help Lachesis the best she could because her mother couldn't be there to do it. She also understood feeling like the best course of action was to run and not look back, she'd felt it after her father was gone and even sometimes now. The feeling of suffocating and being scared were also emotions she could sympathize with but unlike him she had not stayed away, everyday she faced her problems. She watched over the pack and helped the leaders however she could since she was still young and could only do so much. Inna was in the process of thinking over his words and battling with her emotions about whether she should give him a chance to prove himself to her when he said her name. It was on a breath but it brought her gaze back to him, she closed her eyes briefly. It was a lot to take in but she felt he seem genuinely sorry for his actions, she nodded. “You're right you are here now but how long will that last Aleksei? Before you left you couldn't speak with our parents about what you were feeling? That's what they are there for. This time would you talk to Lachesis or me if it got to be too much or would you just run like the last time? I do want to give you the chance that you're seeking but after everything that's happened I need to know your not going to leave again when things get tough because they are tough right now and I don't know if I can take another family member leaving.” The ebony Baranski knew she needed him and she wanted to get to know her brother but she was afraid to let him into her life. What if he left her too? “I want to get to know you too and give you the chance to make up for everything but I can't do that without some reassurance that you're not going to leave again when we...I need you most,” she told him her tone serious but with a hint of sadness and her gaze focused on his. |
Aleksei wanted to keep calm, he really did. He didn't seek out Inna with the intention of taking his frustration out on her, yet here he was, with a simmering anger building under his veins, and the shame that came with it; she was his kin, for goodness' sake – his younger sister!
Unfortunately, it was growing increasingly clear to him that he couldn't keep his damn feelings under control – everything felt far too intense, far too raw. Aleksei wanted to shrink away from Inna's words, but he also wanted to lash out. She was younger than him, and she spoke so condescendingly, as if scolding a child. He squeezed his eyes shut, muscles tensed, before he slowly exhaled through his nose. He had to get it together, he had to reel in his feelings. She didn't understand just how shaky and weak he felt with his own personality these days. How could she?
No one could understand how he felt, and no one would. His experience was unique to him, as was his mental state. At least, that was how he (naively) saw it.
Inna wasn't saying it to be cruel, either. She was expressing herself, the way she was taught, the only way she knew how to. Of course Maksim and Kisla would have raised her to be a proper young woman, and done so with flying success – Inna was probably a charismatic girl beyond the ugly feelings that both the Baranski-Tainn siblings were facing.
“I'm not leaving,” he said suddenly, eyes opening (though he couldn't bring his gaze to settle on her face). “Not again. I can't get better if I keep running away from my problems. I can't … I can't make you understand how I feel, how I felt. How painful it all was – is. I know you're hurting but. Ah, I just. It was. So, so complicated.”
She thinks things are tough now, though? She doesn't know the meaning of “tough”. He cringed internally at his vile thoughts – it was the knee-jerk reaction, not exactly the truth of how he felt. Aleksei found his tongue so much sharper these days, and trigger happy to boot, as if it were a weapon against his lack of self esteem – it was easier to berate others than himself.
But his sister? His younger sister?
How cowardly could the anxiety get?
“I promise I won't leave.” The anger was ugly in his head. It wasn't Aleksei. It was everything that he hadn't had time to come to terms with making his skin crawl and his stomach churn. “Dad always said, don't say words you don't mean so, here I am. Telling you. Swearing an oath, or something; I'm not leaving again, Inna.” I can't leave you now.
Whispering leaves & pointing branches will tell them where I'm lying
There was so much going through her head and so much that she was still trying to figure out from all that had happened. Aleksei was there now in front of her and she needed to concentrate on him and whether or not she could let him into her life but more importantly could she trust that he would stay and be a part of her life. She wanted to let him in, get to know the brother she knew existed but had never met. She was sure her parents would want that. They would want their children to have a relationship and there wasn't anything she wanted more than to honor her parents. Inna also knew he was hurting too as much as her if not more and as he had spoken his explanation of why he left she thought he might feel guilty too. For her that said something, that maybe he really meant what he was saying, that he really meant it when he said he wanted to make it up to her, Kisla, and Lachesis and that he wanted her to know him. He couldn't let her get to know him if he wasn't there and she wouldn't be able to get to know her either. His words felt more true as he said over and over that he wasn't leaving and he was making her a promise. Though she didn't know him and how he kept his promises but she felt more inclined to give him the chance and take the risk because he was family and because he seemed to really want to try. “No, you can't get better if you keep running away and your right at this time it is hard to help me understand but maybe with time I can understand better and if you’ll let me I would like to help you get better.” It's what family was was for, to help each other through the hard times. She was sure her father would have done the same for Aleksei had he still been with them. “I want to give you the chance to make it up and get to know you because you are my brother and I think we need each other.” Inna closed the distance between them and nudged his cheek hoping she could comfort him and show him that she meant what she said. She wasn't sure who needed who more but she hoped that he would see she really did want him there and even if it did take a little time she was willing to give him the chance she felt he needed. She stepped back to look him in the eye, “I'm going to hold you to your promise,” she stated her tone lighter though serious. |
Time … yes, it would definitely take time. Aleksei knew there would be no instant fix, for any of this, but he was willing to be patient. Or, at least, willing to try and be patient. He couldn't help but be fearful of that—how many times had he spent the night awake, wishing that whatever it was that hung over him would die or stop? Perhaps, with the revelation of his father's death, it would all get so much worse before it would get better?
What if it never got better?
He was shaken from his internal woes at the feeling of warmth against his cheek, causing his words to become jammed in his throat, eyes snapping to Inna as she pressed her nose against him. Such a small gesture, but it meant so much to Aleksei. He could do nothing but simply stare as this girl—no, this young woman—conducted herself with such typical Baranski dignity and compassion, despite that composure that almost seemed unshakeable. She was definitely their father's daughter.
At that moment, he knew that, no matter how bad it got, there would always be something worth getting back up for. Funny, how his younger sister was the rock in this relationship.
Inna stepped back, and Aleksei nodded at her words with nothing less than understanding. “I know,” he replied, his own voice soft, devoid of any harshness. “I want you to. If I break it, never forgive me, because I know that I wouldn't forgive any wolf who would do it to me.”
Whispering leaves & pointing branches will tell them where I'm lying
She didn't know everything that Aleksei was feeling but she did know he wasn't in a good place. Like her Inna thought he could be feeling some measure of guilt to have come home and find out about their father. While Maksim hadn't yet passed when she had returned she felt guilty for not being there when her father became ill. She didn't know if either of them could heal from that but maybe they could help each other, he was her brother and he said that he really wanted to try so she had to put everything else aside to give him a fair chance to show her he could be a good brother. In turn she could have the chance to be a good sister to him. Inna hadn't meant to surprise him with her nudge to his cheek but it seemed that was exactly what she had done. She didn't know if he was upset about it or if it was exactly what he needed but it had felt like an important gesture to her. Either way she hoped it conveyed what she had been telling him and that he could count on her and come to her whenever he needed to. They had a chance at a new beginning as siblings and though he had taken away her chance to get to know him before he was now giving her that chance back and she didn't want to waste it by being angry with him for not being there before, it was selfish of her to remain angry with him when he needed to have his family then. Inna had never seen herself as selfish and she didn't want to start now. She made a vow to herself to do whatever she could to help him get better even though she wasn't sure what that was. Being there if he needed to talk she felt was a good place to start and she hoped that he would let her help him. She hoped he wouldn't make the same mistake again and leave without at least trying. When she told him she was going to hold him to his promise she was a little surprised by his response. He wanted her to and he didn't want her to forgive him if he did break it. She nodded in understanding of his words, “I'm glad that's settled and I'm really glad you're where you belong. A lot has changed, Hearthwood isn't what it used to be but maybe with our help mom and Lachesis can make it what it was.” Perhaps having a hand in bringing the pack back to what it was when her father was alive would help her brother to heal. |