Hearthwood River my scars are silver and gold

@Kisla

In. Out. In. Out. A soft shiver ran down her spine as her paws crunched lightly against the snow. The thought ran through her head as she moved towards the familiar scent of the queen, who’d returned home to her lands, her nose twitching as she calmed herself down. It was going to be fine, like Lachesis said; Kisla had trusted her with this, right? Naturally Lilya assumed she’d want her crown back and she just wanted to make sure they were on the same page. Her shoulders rolled back, a soft smile on her features though concern was evidently present within it. Perhaps she should turn back, and give her space until she was ready to talk to her?

No, because what if she was waiting for her to seek her out? Lilya really wasn’t good at this, but it was going to be alright. The agouti saw the familiar pelt come into view when she let out a soft bark in greeting, her tail naturally lowering itself. “Kisla, can we talk?” Her voice might have wavered a little bit though she did keep it somewhat level. At least she’d actually managed to sleep before approaching her, the herbs that Lachesis provided her with helping a great deal with her nightmares.

She had not been back long -- the journey had not been tiring, but the toll of living alone for so many weeks certainly had, and the honeyed she-wolf was on the thinner side. Of course, her appetite had all but disappeared the day she had buried her husband -- but she was finally ready to begin to care for herself once more. One day at a time.

She had not returned to her old den -- the one she had once shared with Maksim and their children. She could not bring herself to, and so the woman had found a small hollow against one of the slopes and had dug a small den to start anew in -- the one that Lilya now seemed to seek her out. The girl was not someone Kisla knew well, but she had placed full trust upon the woman. She did not fail, it seemed -- Lachesis and her both had managed the pack well, and so the Baranski matriarch had not been so eager to rush back to her crown. Was there a point to it, now that Maksim was gone? "Lilya," she greeted, poking her slender form from her escape and merging to the daylight. "How are you?"

sparking up my heart

Lilya thought, perhaps almost ironically, that this was backwards. Wasn’t it normally the other way around – perhaps she should just turn around and let the matriarch return at her own pace..? Lilya.” The greeting signified that it was too late for the agouti to change her mind about it all, the question so simple and yet so hard to answer at the same time falling from the queen’s lips as Lilya carried a soft frown to her features. She’d tried to keep her smile up, really she did. “Ah think per’aps Ah’ve been a bit better…” She wasn’t going to lie, it wasn’t in her nature, especially not to family, and that was very much what she felt Hearthwood River was to her – family.

Lilya knew the pain that came with losing a loved one – at least, to some extent… a sister was far different from a mate, but she felt a pang of sympathy when she’d first learned of the woman’s loss. The bonds that keep wolves together sometimes shattered, and the cataclysm that followed was hard to return from… or maybe, she was just being ominous and pessimistic with her thoughts once more. She tended to do that a lot. “How’re you holdin’ up?” Last spring, from her understanding, had been rough on the entire pack. Maksim and Naia both, and while Lilya had never had the opportunity to meet either of them, her heart did reach out to those who did.

It wasn’t the response she had expected, and in turn, the previous queen canted her muzzle slightly, her eyes softening upon the woman as she studied her further. Lilya was not a soul she was truly familiar with – only for the mere fact that so much tragedy and sorrow had taken over her life that she had pulled away from those that continued to linger within their borders.

Yet the woman held every ounce of loyalty that Maksim and Kisla had sought when building their pack – and what Lachesis needed now that the crown had been thrust upon him. She was grateful to the she-wolf before her, and the revelation was not lost upon her. She was the very kind of wolf the River needed to rebuild, and tentatively, as Lilya questioned her own well-being without staggering in to her own needs, Kisla reached forward to brush a nose to the girl’s cheek in gentle reassurance, her own tail sweeping neutrally behind her.

Was there a point in relciaming her own crown, when her mate now lay within the ground? “I am as well as can be expected,” she admitted. The pain did not lessen. Maksim’s presence upon this earth was what had grounded her many times before, and now that he was gone, as well as many of her children, she found herself at a loss for purpose. “But I am far more interested to hear about you,” she gently coaxed, pulling back as her eyebrows knit together in quiet contemplation. “What’s wrong?”

sparking up my heart

She’d liked to think she’d done the woman before her proud with what she’d done to step up in her absence, but at the same time, Lilya had this gnawing feeling in her gut that she hadn’t actually done anything since taking up the position apart from freaking out to Lachesis, twice, and creeping around the Monadnock out of curiosity, in which she had gotten caught and had to stammer her way out of an awkward social situation… yet, some of them still managed to have some confidence in her – she was certainly not all of them did, Aleksei for example had scolded her when they first met over her absent-minded behavior.

There wasn’t much she could do about it. A sad smile had hinted at her features when Kisla’s nose brushed against her cheek. As well as can be expected wasn’t a particularly inspiring answer, but it was an answer, and she knew it’d take time. The queen insisted on hearing about her, the sparrow’s eyes closing for a few moments before opening again, her gaze cast to the ground as one of her paws picked at the frozen dirt. “Ah’m not very good at this ‘leader’ thing…” How was she supposed to fill this position when she could hardly coax herself into a few hours of sleep without Lachesis giving her drugs first?

“M’too indecisive n’skittish.” Lilya was second guessing if she should even ask Kisla if she wanted to resume her role, given the queen's answer to Lilya's earlier question about how she was holding up. She didn't want to be a bother, or push her into something she wasn't ready for if she still needed more time.

There was a fragile sense to Lilya – something Kisla had missed entirely until the younger woman confessed her feelings. The Baranski matriarch had considered long and hard about her role for this pack – was there a point to leading when her mate was dead, and he had been the only reason to take claim at his side during the time? A part of her considered no – there truly wasn’t. And yet.. if she thought about stepping back – truly stepping back, and allowing the decisions of the pack she had built alongside Maksim and their loyal members to be made by another, she knew she could not relinquish the hold of her title just yet.

Not unless another gave her a reason to, and as the tawny girl before her seemed to practically whither with the pressure, Kisla knew was not time. Not yet. Lilya did not seem ready – and she did not believe Inna was, either. Karina had left – the silver girl held such promise to the mother, but she had fallen too far in to the clutches of the dragon and his radical beliefs.

“I doubt that,” she murmured gently, her nose tracing the girl’s cheek once more in gentle assurance. “If I asked anyone here how you’ve held up, I have no doubt they’d inform me how well,” she murmured, allowing a small smile to press to her lips. “It takes a lot to admit when one feels they have fallen short of something.. even if they haven’t.” She paused then, taking a step back as she studied her companion. “Now that I’m back, I will be overseeing things again,” she began gently, wondering how Lilya would process this information. If the girl opposed – Kisla was intrigued to see her thoughts on the matter. “Not because I doubt your abilities.. but because I built this pack alongside my fallen mate.”

sparking up my heart

She doubted it? Why did everyone doubt it? Well, not everyone… just Lachesis and Kisla, but really, they were the only two voices that mattered in this particular case because they were the only two who could do anything about the situation. She gave a shy smile as she shook her head. “Not e’eryone… jus’ ask Aleksei.” Then, relief flooded through the girl, some of her nerves starting to fade away. She was going to retake her throne, and Lilya could go back to being just Lilya again. At the same time, she felt almost guilty bringing the topic up to her, and wondered if she should have held onto it a little longer to give the matriarch more time.

She let out a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding, stammering just a little as she responded. “Ah… if yer sure yer up fer it… Ah mean ah don’t want ya have ta because of me…” There were other wolves in the pack, ones that were Kisla’s own children, who could take over, just as long as it wasn’t Lilya. That much, the sparrow was certain of. Her blue eyes shone hints of hesitance, like she’d just pinned herself into a corner, again, like she felt she had with Craw… her and her mouth.

There is a family of deer nearby. Hunt Opportunity

While Kisla held a growing sense of fondness for the woman before her, she wasn’t sure if it was relief that stirred the breath from her lips, or a sense of disappointment at the mention that Kisla would resume her role. The honeyed woman had taken the rank from Astra during a pack hunt for Cut Rock River – the sole reason only to lead beside Maksim and gain his attention and respect. The purpose now was entirely different – this pack held her legacy, and until she knew another was ready for it, she would not give it up without a fight. Lilya did not seem interested – but perhaps it was simply because Kisla was still very unfamiliar with the girl?

She only gave a quiet nod in ascent, wondering if the girl would further consider the scenario and balk. She made no response to whether or not she was up for it – she hadn’t been ‘up’ for a lot in life, but it had certainly occurred.. the most recently tragic being the death of her mate and the swift departure of Karina and her granddaughter.

It did surprise her that Aleksei had caused the she-wolf before her to doubt herself, and despite trying to refrain, Kisla felt a light frown pull at her features. Her love for her son was endless s—but that didn’t mean she felt he made the wisest choices. “Aleksei is my son – and I won’t pretend to know where he was coming from or what he said. But keep in mind, Lilya.. where you stepped up to lead this pack, Aleksei had left us twice already, and is only recently returned.” She felt that spoke volumes, herself.

sparking up my heart

Blah, sorry this post is kinda bleh

Lilya was almost certain she knew what her reservations were, but she wasn’t entirely sure if this insistence that she only take it if she was ready was more for Kisla or her. No, it couldn’t be for her, right? After all, she was awful at this, and she was certain, from experience, that Kisla did a far better job than she. The River needed stability and numbers, meaning that they should have their queen on her rightful throne rather than a stand-in acting for her, especially given she’d returned to the territory. She spoke up her son, and it felt a little comforting, but at the same time a little daunting.

Regardless of what the queen said, he was still her son and because of it, Lilya saw him as having some sort of weight that she herself would never truly have. They were family, and she was just a subordinate now with no blood relation. She didn’t respond, evidently not convinced or reassured that the prince was not right, but also not wanting to try and argue the topic with his mother. She felt insecure about it all, and that was the driving force in her almost crippling self-doubt. “Thank ya… fer takin’ the crown back.” She thanked her softly with a dip of her head. She truly meant it – she wasn’t ready nor was she born for it.

Perhaps, when they were older, it could go to Inna or Lekalta and Lilya could do her part as a loyal second still? “Ah should get goin’… I gotta talk to Lach ‘bout an issue Ah’ve been havin’.” Sleep was becoming a problem again (it had never really stopped being a problem, but she hated to bother him with something like that until it became borderline detrimental to her abilities to do her job), and part of her really wanted to avoid a further discussion about whether or not she actually did a good job, she turned to leave, a small dip of her head, pausing for a moment, almost to see if she was okay with Lilya taking her leave or if she wanted to discuss something further.