Lost Lake Things You Can't Out Run

OOC!  

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Word Count: 232

Though Tagg had accepted the circumstances of his departure with Fallen Tree Cove and knew there was nothing he could have done to change it, he felt guilty again.  It must have been so hard on them to lose two wolves without a word at the same time.  The pack was small to begin with, there were some other missing faces.  He’d heard Anthem had died and his siblings had taken off, and Aleister had gone too.

They were barely hanging on. Tagg realized.

And then with named stepping down for a while… it must have worsened an already tense situation.  No wonder Kajika was feeling so stressed.

He smiled at his friend. “I know things got hard, especially losing so many good members of the pack around the same time. It’s a miracle the pack has managed to stay together.” He nudged Kajika in a friendly manner. “But it’s almost spring.  Spring means pups, and maybe we’ll get a few joiners.  Already our numbers are starting to grow again.  You don’t have to do everything on your own anymore; we’re all here to help you.”

He knew how hard it could be to relearn how to depend on others after you’d spent so much time taking care of everything on your own.  “You’ve done so much for Fallen Tree Cove; let the pack return the favor. If there’s anything I can do to help, just ask.”

"Speech"  Thought

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There was so much more to the story, so much he had kept to himself for so long and now he could see how bad of an idea it was. Perhaps speaking with Namid when Des had first left would have helped or sharing with Moonshadow sooner would have prevented it from going this far. More questions he couldn't answer for himself and he couldn't go back and change the past. Often he wondered if she had gone because of something he'd done. He just didn't understand because with her he was sure she felt the same as he did.

He hadn't given Tagg much to go on when he had answered the man's questions. Kajika wasn't surprised when it became evident that the tawny man didn't seem to understand. The mention of spring and pups was something that Kajika had looked forward to the previous year but now, he just wanted to jump in the frozen lake at the thought. Again he shook his head hoping to get that out of his mind for fear it would bring more nightmares.

“Things did get hard for awhile and I was worried but with a tough decision made by Vespertio we made it through the tough times and our numbers have increased.” He said returning the bump with a small smile because he was happy with the way the pack was doing. “I can't talk about spring and pups right now it's just…” he trailed off because there wasn't anything to say on the matter. He didn't want to be in the cove for that but he had to for Namid because he needed to be there for her. “Sometimes I think working so hard is the only thing that keeps me sane,” he blurted out.

Tagg went on to tell him exactly what Vespertio told him when they spoke commending him for what he'd done for the cove. Was he really helping them anymore though, how could he help his pack if he couldn't even help himself. “Thank you Tagg if I do need anything I will ask,” he assured the man but for now he wanted to do as much as he could it was what he needed to do. “I’m afraid you don't understand,” he stated meeting the tawny man's gaze, “This has nothing to do with her leaving the pack in a bad place. This is solely about her and me.”

(This post was last modified: Jan 24, 2017, 09:33 PM by Kajika.)

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OOC! Sorry, short post.

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Word Count: 200

Tagg could understand how working kept him sane.  When he first came to realize it might be some time before he could return to Fallen Tree Cove, Tagg had thrown himself into his duties.  Not only would it decrease the time it took for him to return, but it kept his mind of the friends and family he’d left behind.

But when Kajika said he’d misunderstood, Tagg turned his attention once again from the old memories haunting his mind.  “This is solely about her and me.”

It suddenly made so much more sense.  Why else would he still be on about it? He himself still found himself wondering about Rift and what might have happened if things had been different.  “I see.” He said quietly.  So she didn’t just leave the pack… she left you.”.

If he’d been here, maybe he would have known, been able to see it.  Or maybe he would have gotten in the way.  Rebound crushes had a habit of making themselves a pain for everyone involved.  Maybe it was for the best that he’d been gone for a while, as much as it pained him to have left his pack in such a time of need.

"Speech"  Thought

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The work he did for the pack was something the beta was proud of it helped him to feel as though he was keeping the promise he had made to Namid. He felt horrible that now his work was slacking though he still tried there were some days he just didn’t feel like going out and trailing a rabbit that he was never going to catch. If @Tagg hadn’t shown up that morning he would probably still be laying by the shore watching the fog rise over the water. Then there were the days he spent all of his time in Poision Path trying to figure out what when wrong and remembering the good times hoping to feel some sense of happiness but all it did was make it worse.

It had become clear to Kajika that the tawny man hadn’t exactly understood what he was getting at, why Des’s disappearance was bothering him so much. So Kajika had to make it more clear, the man had asked after all and once the dark man had decided to tell there wasn’t any turning back. He wasn’t going to give Tagg all of the details, Kajika was too tired for that but he could make the man understand and it seemed it had worked. Kajika nodded his head, “Yes and I don’t know why.” There, it was out and he still didn’t feel any better.

Now that the tawny man knew the beta looked to him for some kind of help. Some answers or words that could help him to get through it, anything. He didn’t know if any hope that this was going to get better would come and there was still what he felt for Moonshadow just under the surface. He could not reveal to the man but maybe some relief from his thoughts about Des could come from this conversation.

(This post was last modified: Jan 24, 2017, 10:30 PM by Kajika.)

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OOC! I am reminded of "It's not about the nail."

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Word Count: 305

Tagg wasn’t sure what to say.  He could see the pleading in Kajika’s eyes, and the russet man hated that his friend was finally opening up to him but he didn’t know how to help.  “I’m sorry.” He began pausing to think of words that might help. “It’s possible she didn’t want to. I for one didn’t want to leave; I just had no choice.  It was flee or die.  Maybe I was a coward for deciding to run instead of dying trying to get back. Sometimes there are things we can’t see.”

He wasn’t sure how much that would help.  He didn’t want to give him false hope – but then was hope ever false?  He didn’t want to cause Kajika more harm.  He didn’t even know the extent of the issue, or the best way to help, and he didn’t want to push him for information any more than he already had.  He was talking and at least getting some of it out; that was the important thing.

“Have you talked to Vespertio or Namid about this? Maybe she spoke to one of them and didn’t have time to talk to you? Or maybe she thought it would be easier to leave without a prolonged goodbye?”

What am I doing? Tagg thought aggressively.  He isn’t asking for answers. He just stated that not knowing was part of the problem.  You don’t have to fix it!

“I can’t fix it, as much as I might want to.” He said sadly. “But maybe I can help lighten your load so you have time and space to sort it out.  Tell me what I can do.” He offered, wanting to help in any way that he could.  As much as he wanted to go back and see @Moonshadow, he would leave as soon as he and Kajika were done if that’s what the beta needed.

"Speech"  Thought

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Ooc: I don't believe I have heard of that.

Now that he'd made it clear to Tagg what he'd been trying to explain without all the details he could see the man wanted to help. Kajika wanted him to be able to help to maybe ease his mind some where Des was concerned, Moonshadow was another story, @Tagg couldn't help with that. It was something he would have to figure out on his own. “Thank you but it's not your fault she left.” Tagg hadn't even been in the cove when Des left do how could it be. The man did try to offer some comfort and it did give the beta another way of looking at it. “It's possible she didn't want to I suppose. If it's any comfortable to you I don't think you're a coward for wanting to live. You are right though there are things we can't see.” Kajika felt bad that he couldn't offer the man more on his situation but one day he hoped to get the chance to ask what had taken him from the cove.

Des leaving because she didn't have a choice in the matter was a perspective he hadn't thought of before. It was a small comfort to the dark man but it didn't ease the hurt she had left behind and if anything could fuel the nightmares where every scenario played through his mind. He hoped not, he couldn't take anymore of them. Kajika shook his head, “No, I haven't talked to them it's not their burden to bear when they have so many others,” He also believed that Namid had some idea about him and Des so if she had known anything he would think she would have come to him. The beta didn't want to bother them with this when it was his own problem that he had to deal with.

Kajika nodded when Tagg said he couldn't fix it, “I shouldn't have expected it I'm sorry. It's Des who needs to fix it, she's the one who left. I thank you for your offer but I think it's best if you don't help lighten my load. It helps taken my mind off it for just a little while. I hope you can understand.” It wasn't anything against the tawny man but without his work he feared he wouldn't have a reason to go about his days.

(This post was last modified: Jan 25, 2017, 02:54 AM by Kajika.)

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OOC! You can probably find it on YouTube.  It's basically this girl with a nail stuck in her forehead talking to a guy about this pain in her head and he's trying to fix it and get the nail out and she's like 'it's not about the nail!' and it's kinda just a lesson mostly for men about how people sometimes just want someone to listen rather than someone who will fix it.

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Word Count: 216

Tagg had really been hoping the beta would accept his help, but he was sorely disappointed.  “I understand.” He said, though it was only the partial truth. “If that changes, please tell me.”

Not that he would wait for Kajika to make up his mind. He would set about doing things to help on his own, though he would respect the beta’s wishes in that he wouldn’t do anything too big.  Maybe just some extra hunting and checking the borders on occasion. He didn’t want to anger him or make him feel like he couldn’t trust him.

“Although, if I may offer one more piece of advice – which you can choose not to accept, of course. Avoiding one’s problems is hardly the way to overcome them. You have to face them on your own terms, but you’re going to have to face them eventually.  At least promise me you won’t let them overwhelm you.” He pleaded.  Not only was he concerned for his friend, but he was also concerned about the pack.  Although they were growing stronger, if their beta were to suddenly be rendered ill by his own mind things could get back.

He wanted what was best for the pack, but he also wanted what was best for Kajika. “Don’t forget to take care of yourself too.”

"Speech"  Thought

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I'll have to check that out, thanks!

Kajika wanted to be able to accept Taggs help and had the circumstances been different he probably would have. This time though keeping as busy as he could was what the dark man needed, he needed that time to concentrate on other things to keep his mind so busy he couldn’t dwell on des and Moonshadow constantly. “I will be sure to I just feel that for now it is the best thing for me,” he tried to assure the man.

,p>With Tagg having brought up reducing the work that he had to do Kajika wondered if maybe he hadn’t been avoiding what was happening to him now all this time. He worked so hard for his pack every single day and maybe it was his way to not think about what had happened with Des. All the questions and scenarios that now ran through his mind almost constantly. Perhaps because he had done that it had all just gotten worse to the point he was left in his current state.

The tawny man wanted to Kajika some advice which he gave a nod signifying that he was ready to listen, anything that might help really. He spoke about not running away from his problems that he had face them and not let them overwhelm him. Kajika was starting to think he was past all of that. “I know I need to figure this out Tagg but a part of me feels that it can’t be truly solved because what I need are answers to the questions I have and I won’t get those because she isn’t coming back. I promise you though I will try to sort through what I can on my own.” He didn’t know how far he would get but he could at least take Tagg’s advice and try so maybe he could get better.

The beta nodded when Tagg told him to not forget to take care of himself, “I won’t forget,” he said quietly, “It’s not always easy when sleep won’t come.” He wondered if Tagg might have some advice on that too

(This post was last modified: Jan 26, 2017, 03:22 AM by Kajika.)

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OOC!  

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Word Count: 234

Tagg nodded as Kajika spoke, understanding the need for answers. His next words surprised the scarred wolf thought. “You’re not sleeping?” He asked. He hadn’t noticed, but then again, he was sleeping better than he had in a year and it was all thanks to Moon.

But if love was the issue in the first place, he doubted it would be the answer.  He decided to tell him, though he hadn’t spoken of this to anyone before. “I still have nightmares.” He admitted. “Some of them are about the war, some are about when my family died.  That’s partially why it took me so long to move into the pack den; I didn’t want to rouse everyone else when I woke up snarling and ready for battle. The only thing that helped was eating a little passionflower before I slept.” He wasn’t sure if the blossom grew this far north, or even this high in the mountains.  He hadn’t looked, as he had wanted to conquer his nightmares on his own. “The truth is, @Moonshadow is the reason I’ve been sleeping decently the last several nights.”

He wasn’t sure how much that last comment would help, and he instantly regretted saying it. There was no taking it back though, she he let it be. “Maybe you should ask Neha if she knows of any local herbs that might help you sleep for a little while.” He suggested.

"Speech"  Thought

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He hadn't exactly planned to say anything to Tagg about not sleeping well. Already he felt like he was bothering the tawny mam too much with his problems. It wasn't really right for him to do that even if Tagg had asked but when he seemed to confirm what Kajika had said he conceded to see what he might have to offer. Sleep was something he needed and any advice was welcome. “I haven't been for awhile which is a big reason I thought it best I sleep out here, I don't want to disturb the others.”

Tagg then shared with the dark man about his nightmares and what caused them and like Kajika he thought it best to sleep away from the others. “I'm truly sorry to hear about your family. Perhaps if you would like that is we can talk about it? It might help and you can take your own advice,” the beta half joked. He was serious about Tagg talking with him about it though, they were friends. “I haven't heard of passion flower,” he stated thoughtfully, “I wonder if it could be found around here. Anything to help, you know.” Kajika tried to not let Tagg's last statement about Moonshadow get to him and instead he nodded, “She is very helpful and always willing to help.” He wasn't sure what else to say about Tagg and Moonshadow but he felt it was good they could help each other. All the more reason for him to keep his distance.

Another piece of advice that Tagg had for him was to speak with Neha and that sounded like a very good idea. If anyone could help with his nightmares it might just be the future healer. “I think I will talk to her and perhaps she might know where to find the passion flower you spoke of.”

(This post was last modified: Jan 26, 2017, 05:40 PM by Kajika.)

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