Hearthwood River Damage control

His throat tightened at her words, his tail finding its way between his legs. His gaze traveled down to his paws and his ears pressed against his skull, completely and utterly miserable. He felt sick at his own admissions, and his eyes burned with unshed tears that were left over from feelings he hadn't confronted over the specific events in his past. Breath caught in his throat when she touched her nose to his shoulder, and this time he leaned into the contact, pressing his forehead against her flank.

"I didn't want to leave," he breathed, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. "I didn't want to leave either of them. I was a year old when I left my mom; she was so sick... Couldn't even stand up." Images came, unbidden, behind his eyelids. Of his mother rotting away while still alive in that terrible cave he'd been trapped in for so long. "My dad wasn't ever there; we were on our own. She depended on me, but she said such terrible things. No matter what I said, or what I did, she hated me. And then I got mad, and I walked out. I quit. On my own mother."

How could he even begin to explain his father to her? How could he explain what happened with the gypsies? He shook his head, still pressed into her flank. "M'dad," he murmured, the former growl rising into the back of his throat. "I joined the gypsies only a few weeks after I left my mom, and I stayed with them for a very long time. But then, last winter, we ran into my dad..." He grit his teeth. "I should've stayed. I should've stuck it out. But I quit, like I always do. S'all I've ever done."

"It's for the best that you don't feel the same about me that I do about you." He drew gently away from her touch, looking to the side. "I'm nothing, Inna. I've just been around for the pleasures in life; breeding season and food and shelter and taking and taking and taking." He hunched in on himself more, if possible. "I make excuses and I pretend to be such a hard worker and so honest, but in reality... I'm just worthless. And I'm sorry." There weren't many times that Aytigin felt like he should adopt a more severe submissive stance, but all he wanted to do was just cower before her and beg for her forgiveness.

Inna had come to know Aytigin to be a kind wolf, he'd always been so with her so she found it hard to believe that he could be malicious. That he would abandon anyone including his mother without reason. She did not want to make assumptions about her friend whom she'd come to care for very much. Which was why she needed to know the reason that had led him to leave his mother to die. She hated seeing him in the state that he was in and wished she could do more. She worried he might pull away from her again when she touched his shoulder but he didn't instead accepting and seeking the comfort she offered.

As he said he didn't want to leave them she knew the words to be the truth and that there had to be some reason. She let him get the words out about his mother for fear that if she interrupted he might not finish. That he needed to just go on and get it all out. Then when he finished she sighed, “Them?” She asked wondering who the other wolf was that he'd abandon. As for his mother she couldn't understand how a mother could hate her child. Even when her mother had been angry at her for breaking pack law Inna knew Kisla still loved her. “It wasn’t a kind thing leaving her like that and you probably should have gone back to her but Ayti if she truly was cruel to you then I don't think that it was fair to you to treat you as she did. You were her son and she should have loved you, I can’t imagine what it must be like for you to live with thinking your mother hated you. I'm sorry that you had to go through that.”

He had also spoken of his father and how he hadn't been there when Ayti's mother had been sick and dying. He then mentioned him again and how he'd run into him while with the gypsies. Inna's thoughts went to Maksim and how she knew he would have never abandon his family. How he would have been there no matter what, she was sure of that even if he'd never have the chance to prove it. “Your father should have been there for you and your mom,” she stated firmly, “You we're still so young and leaving you to take care of your mother was wrong of him. How can you be expected to do better when his example to you was to run away.” Her devotion and loyalty to her family she felt she'd gotten from her parents. They had set good examples to her so wouldn't the same be true for Ayti? Her gaze went to him not really understanding how he had ended up to be so caring with the parents he had.

“Don't say that, you can't know if it's for the best especially when I'm not even sure. I do care for you a lot.” He did finally pull away from her only to bring himself down further causing her to frown, she did not believe him to be nothing. “Stop it, you’ve had a lot of bad things happen to you, things that you have made clear you're not proud of. Have you ever thought that maybe doing all that you have since leaving your mother was your way of coping with it?” Inna felt she knew just a little about after all didn't she now have a daughter because she had chosen the wrong way to cope with what she was feeling? “You are not worthless Ayti. In the time you have been here in Hearthwood you have helped so much and that has to count for something. This is your chance to do things differently, to become a man you can be proud of and to not quit this time when things seem to hard.” She may not agree with everything that he had done in his past but there were things in her own past she wasn't proud of. She could see that what he needed was to be encouraged and have someone that cared about him to help him through.

~Table by Jacqueline

(This post was last modified: Jul 08, 2017, 07:04 AM by Inna.)

Please see Kajika's OOC profile for OOC preferences, thank you.

 

Inna gave forgiveness so easily that it made Aytigin's eyes water. The dark wolf lowered his head down, his eyelids falling shut as he tried to reign in his stuttering breath. He wasn't one for emotions and feelings and deep talks like this, but this was completely out of his element. He wanted desperately to not be present for the conversation - to just go on pretending everything was normal and fine and dandy, but if he were being honest with himself, he hadn't been normal and fine and dandy for a very, very long time. He didn't know if he ever would be again, and that scared him.

But the raven before him seemed adamant that he wasn't the vile, disgusting creature that he believed himself to be. For a heartbeat, he believed her fully, but then his mind wandered back to the first time he met the gypsies, as a yearling. It had been at the beginning of breeding season, and the younger Aytigin had relished and allowed himself to be bathed in the attention he, a handsome young male, was getting from the hormone-infused women. Perhaps that had been more of them taking advantage of him rather than the other way around, but it didn't make it any better. The next year had been even more wild and crazy, because Aytigin had actually been of age at that point, and the year after that he'd left them.

To think that that had all been because of his mother's treatment of him, and then his subsequent abandonment of her, was odd. However, it kind of made sense. The gypsies had been full of love and family and kindness, whereas his mother had been full of hate and disgust and evil. And he'd already been abandoned by his father...

Part of him wanted to argue that, since his father had left and been so disgusting, he probably should've learned from his mistakes rather than recreate them, but he held his tongue and let Inna finish what she wanted to say. She finished off with a, 'You are not worthless Ayti. In the time you have been here in Hearthwood you have helped so much and that has to count for something. This is your chance to do things differently, to become a man you can be proud of and to not quit this time when things seem too hard,' and it left him speechless. Those traitorous tears burned his eyes again, and he allowed himself to look up and meet her orange eyes.

"Is it still alright?" he asked, hope beginning to blossom in his chest. "For me to stay, I mean. Can I still stay here? Can we still be friends?" His words were but a mere whisper, his heart hammering in his ribcage. "I don't want to quit anymore."

In just a short time she had learned so much about the man she called a friend, gotten insight as to who he truly was. Inna could not imagine what his life had been like before he'd come to Hearthwood. Though he described some of it that didn't make it any easier for her to know what it was like. What he had put himself through but it was clear that he was hard in himself and didn't think much of himself for the choices that he'd made in his life. Maybe some of his choices were wrong and maybe they weren't the Raven didn't feel it was her place to judge him for them.

p>What she did know is that it seemed he was trying to start over and she felt he should have that chance. Nothing he'd done had been so wrong that it couldn't be forgiven, at least not in her opinion. If her packmates could forgive her for breaking pack law why couldn't she give him the forgiveness that she felt he needed?

Even more than that she wasn't sure he could blame his behavior in the past in himself completely. Yes he'd made poor choices in leaving his mother, she was his mother but Inna had to wonder would she have done the same had she her mother been so hateful to her. Would she had done the same things as Ayti if her father had abandoned them? There was no way for her to know because she had not grown up as he had. Her mother and father had always loved her and been there for her. As she looked at the chocolate man before her who wasn't the man she had known she wanted to help him on his path to be a man he could he proud of.

The Raven did not believe he was such a horrible wolf when all she'd seen from him was good. The way he had helped her and cared for her daughter. It was more than she could ever ask of him and yet he did it all on his own. He cared for others in the pack just the same and he was trying to change himself to better fit into the pack, to make it work. She could not overlook his deeds since coming to Hearthwood just because he'd made some bad choices in the past when he was still so young. Her ears perked at what he asked her as her brow furrowed in confusion.

This time she did not hesitate to go to him and press her muzzle into the fur of his neck. “Of course it's still alright,” she said quietly. A smile crossed her dark features as she looked into his eyes, “I never wanted you to leave and there was never a question of whether we would be friends or not. I told you I want you in my life and my daughter's life. That has not changed at least not for me and I hope not for you.” Then he spoke of not wanting to quit this time and she kissed his cheek. “I'm happy to hear you say that Ayti. I know it won't be easy but you have me and I will help you as much as you will let me.”

~Table by Jacqueline

(This post was last modified: Jul 10, 2017, 07:03 AM by Inna.)

Please see Kajika's OOC profile for OOC preferences, thank you.

 

The mocha-colored man relaxed at her words, lowering his head and pressing his forehead to the fur on her shoulder. He may have been a flake in the past - he may have dropped everything he'd ever known. Hell, he might even have caused his own mother's death, and he wondered if he'd ever stop feeling guilty about that. He wondered if he even deserved to stop feeling guilty about it. But regardless of all of that, Inna still wanted him in her life. Still wanted him in her daughter's life.

Even after all he'd told her, she still trusted him and cared that much.

A unfamiliar warmth spread through his chest, and he let himself breathe in her earthy, river-y scent before he responded. "I'll be here," he breathed, nuzzling her cheek in return for the kiss she'd given him. "I'll stay here, with you and Oksana and Hearthwood, until the day I die. I promise I won't leave." He couldn't help but think of the raven's brother, Aleksei, and how he'd just hauled ass and left the pack a couple months ago. "Thank you, Inna."

And then, just because he could, he adjusted his mood and offered her a small smirk, stepping back to meet her orange eyes with his hazel. "After all, you are the loveliest wolf in all the Lore. How could I leave?" he teased, tail swaying back and forth behind him. "Any man would be an idiot to walk out on you." And he meant it. There were few wolves as great as Inna Baranski, and he was honored to know her.

Feel free to fade in your next post <3

Fading and Archiving

As he pressed his head into the fur of her shoulder she could feel  that he had relaxed So much had passed between her and Ayti in just a short time and she felt as though he truly trusted her after what he'd shared. It had been a lot to take in but Inna had and she accepted that his past wasn't pure by any means but it made him who he was.  Somehow through it all he had remained caring and now wanting to do better for himself. She rested her head on his as he pressed it against her shoulder to let him know she was still there for him.  It was a silent promise to him, one that she knew she could keep as long as he would let her.

As he spoke the words telling her that he would be there she felt that she could believe them and that he wouldn't let her down. He went on to tell her how he would stay with her, Oksana, and Hearthwood until the day he died, it was a promise.  Inna was a little apprehensive of the promise, she'd been promised before and that had been broken hut he wasn't her brother.  “I hope so Ayti, now that I have you in my life I can't imagine you not being there.  I will hold you to your promise.” She'd gotten a taste of what it could be like without Ayti and she hadn't liked it one bit, he was her friend and she didn't want to lose him. “You don't have to thank me Ayti.  I should he thank you for trusting me enough to tell me about your past.”

Her head told slightly to the side as he stepped back and she saw the old Ayti making his appearance.  The heat rose in her cheeks with his compliment, “I hope that you will never be able to.” The blush becoming even more present as he went on, “You're too kind Ayti.” It was compliment that only a few months ago wouldn't have meant much but now as she’d become a mother and rediscovered who she was it meant more to her that he said those things then he would ever know.

Fade

~Table by Jacqueline

(This post was last modified: Jul 11, 2017, 05:27 PM by Inna.)

Please see Kajika's OOC profile for OOC preferences, thank you.