Inna never doubted that the river wolves would make it through another harsh winter. It had been hard the previous year but they had made it through and there were fewer of them then. Also the children were getting to the age when they could hunt alone. She had faith that they would get through the winter because they had gotten through so much more.
With the latest departures from her life and the argument that had happened Inna knew she was in a place in her life. She either had to accept things the way they were, keep her head down and do what she could to make the situation better. She wasn't quite sure she could believe the pale leader when he said he wasn't against her. She still felt he sided with most others when it came to her and she believed his opinion of her wasn't in the brightest of lights.
Her other option was to prove to every single one of them that they were wrong about her. Yes, she had gone through a rough time. She'd lost so much in the past year and it had caught up to her and she hadn't known how to deal with it anymore. She knew she shouldn't have let it get to her, let it pull her down as far as it had but at least now she knew who she could count on.
Now she had to try and fix things with Lachesis so that she could have her life back and Oksana could have a life in Hearthwood where she knew she would be safe. “I've been doing a lot of thinking but I don't know if explaining myself will do any good,” she said looking down at her paws. “I know my behavior has been less than desirable and that I have done things that have gone against you and Lilya and I am sorry for that. I've been in a really bad place and I thought I could deal with it one my own. I know that I was wrong and that there were better ways to deal with what I was going through.” She took a deep breath sorting through thoughts before continuing. “I don't know I guess after losing my mom and then Lekalta and feeling like you didn't believe what I had told you and then Lorcan disappearing that first time I just felt so alone. It didn't matter that I had a whole pack because after losing so many, having them leave I just expect everyone to leave. Now with Lorcan…,” she paused, “You know he told me he loved me before he left?” She mused, “I don't understand why he would do that and I was so stupid that I admitted to him how I felt.”
Inna shook her head, “I guess it doesn't matter now does it? He’s gone and he's not coming back and now Oksana doesn't have a father and that's my fault. I haven't been a good mother to her and I fully expect her to leave one day too just like my brothers and sisters left my mom. Often I see my life reflecting her’s and it scares me.” Inna looked up at Lachesis then, “Sometimes I think it might be better that I go and leave Oksana here so she doesn't have to live my life and so that she can have a mother who is there for her and take care of her how she should be taken care of.”
(This post was last modified: Dec 11, 2017, 04:11 PM by Inna.)