Sanguine Cove this world is gonna pull through

Nash didn't sound nor appear to be particularly swayed, but Chan had faith in his little brother nonetheless. The seed was planted, now hopefully with time it would be nourished and blossom. Or maybe, something else would take it's place; whatever Nash chose, Chan was certain he would excel.

The subject shifted onto himself then, unexpectedly. Perhaps he should have seen it coming, but unfortunately for him, Chan thought he'd already been clear on the subject. His ears laid back as he realized his brother still wasn't sure what to expect from him.

"I'll always come back," he answered first, "but I won't always be a member of the Cove, no."

Nash felt bad as he watched his brother's ears lay flat. This was supposed to be a good conversation, one about creating a future and moving forward, and here Nash was turning it back around to his own selfish ends and making Chan feel bad.

He just didn't want to be abandoned again. He didn't know if... He just didn't know.

Chan at least promised he'd always come back. Unless something happens to him, Nash thought before he could squash the thought away. His relief was short lived as his brother finished his sentence, but the blow was softened by Nash's own suspicions and the promise of returning.

Even so, he couldn't bring himself to meet Chan's eyes. "Is it... like you said before? You like to wander?"

Taking a deep breath, Nash forged on. "Do you know when... I mean, Mom's not... you'll stick around for a while, right?" He managed to briefly flick his eyes up to Chan's to gauge his reaction before they landed on his shoulder again, as if of their own accord. "I know we were just talking about me leading if it came to it, but I though maybe..." he took a deep breath and forged on, wishing he could get out one coherent sentence. "I was hoping maybe I could go with you, when you go for good."

He didn't want to leave the Cove. He still wasn't sure if he would be able to bring himself to follow Chan away from the home that he'd always returned to, especially if the rest of the pack was depending on him to lead. But knowing that he would be welcome, if he wanted to walk away... that would ease his mind.

As long as they didn't abandon their mother. Not now.

Chan tried to maintain the same attentive, hopefully compassionate expression upon his features as his brother spoke. He didn't want something... upsetting to come across, as he listened patiently to his brother baring his chestful of emotions. Wanted to hear it in whole and then give his reaction, because Nash deserved to be heard out.

Like to wander, the phrase repeated within his mind. That was one way to put it, though Chan felt it was more than that. This wasn't necessarily about him, however; it was about his brother and his concerns.

Though it was a little difficult to follow without complete sentences. Mom? Chan's ears ticked higher. Was he talking about her... passing? Nash didn't come back to it, instead giving his older brother quite the surprise; he'd wanted to come with him?

"I didn't think you'd want that," he replied, shock evidenced by his slightly-widened eyes, "genuinely I had no idea..."

Given their previous talks on the subject, Chan had gotten the impression that his brother would never be comfortable leaving the mountain so long as the Cove stood. Assuming, once more...

"Nash, I want you to do whatever makes you happy. If you want to come with me, then of course you can."

He had Chan's attention, and with his glances up Nash knew his brother had to be intentionally schooling his expression so as to not shut him down. His clumsy words at least got his main question across, and Chan's acceptance filled Nash with the relief he needed for his body to finally unlock and his tongue to obey him.

He was able to look at Chan fully now. "Do you know when you'll leave?" he asked, proud that he could finally get the question out in a smooth sentence. "I'm not... I'm not sure I'll be ready to go; I can't leave Mom, but if I am... Or... You'd come back to visit, right? If I went with you then?"

Ah well, it was too much to hope that his powers of dictation would remain steady.

When had always been so black and white before, but the longer he stayed the more that line blurred. Standing here with Nash now, the stand-in alpha of the Cove pack, he knew he couldn't guarantee any kind of time frame, as much as he'd like to in order to alleviate some of the unknown for his little brother.

"Well..." Chan's mismatched gaze wandered, over the forest that surrounded them.

"I was thinking the end of Summer, but... I really don't know. Not sooner, certainly, but I don't know if I'll be able to leave then either..."

He wanted to, but not as much as he wanted to see his family happy and secure.

"... Mom could still have plenty of years left, y'know. I met wolf that was 13 once, still huntin' and all."

Nash stared at his brother, hoping for a soothing answer, but he was disappointed. Even worse, it was in two different ways. Not only did Chan not have a clear timeline on his plans, but the rough one he had was so very, very near. Summer was already drawing to a close. The days were shortening and the nights were already colder. He was, at least, comforted by the thought that Chan might stay longer. "At least stay through the winter?" he asked, hoping it didn't sound too much like begging. "Traveling alone in the snow..."

Chan would know that, though, so Nash ended that sentence. They'd both travelled during winter, unless Chan had always found someone to hole up with for the hard months. Nash had never been so lucky.

His question about being able to join Chan on one of his visits if he wasn't ready to leave quite when Chan was went unanswered, but Nash could hardly blame him with the topic of their mother's death on their minds. He smiled unconvincingly. "Yeah," he said, trying not to think of the hard pair of years she'd spent on her own after their father's death. Of her condition when she returned home to them. But then, she'd been alone, and she wasn't anymore. "Mom's a tough one, alright."

He tried not to think about his father, still relatively young and strong, falling prey to a freak of nature and crushed by the very land he called home.

Through Winter? His brother cited the weather but, Chan had been planning on taking the Fall to travel and being settled in a new home by the time the snow fell. He fought back a sigh as his gaze wandered, looking over their surroundings once more. Summer's heat had taken its toll even on the Mountain, and it was clear that it had nearly run it's course. Chan realized he'd already taken far too much time, and with Aleister still unwell making it impossible to know when he could leave... it would likely end up all being the same anyways, wouldn't it? Of course, staying past Winter meant stepping into Spring; what if the cycle just repeated itself? Chan knew himself. He wouldn't be able to tear away from pregnant mothers and newborn litters.

"Alright," he agreed, more solemnly than he intended to sound.

"I'll stay through the worst of Winter, but I want to leave before the Spring."

The subject of their mother's longevity remained in his thoughts as well, and after a pause he added;

"I don't want you feeling like you gotta wait out Mom's whole life before you get to start yours."

Nash relaxed having his brother's word that he'd stay through the worst of winter at the very least; it took a weight off his shoulders to know he would be at least a little bit safer during the hardest part of the year. And selfishly, he thought maybe it might encourage Chan to stay longer. He knew it wasn't a likelihood, but...

It at least gave him time to decide if he was ready to leave, or if he wanted to stay longer. At least he had permission to tag along, if he wanted. When Mom was-

His ears stood up at Chan's next words. He blinked and stared at his brother. He was stricken; he expected something to hit him, to form some sort of answer, but the emotion was just... not there. It was like his brain just stopped working. He gaped at Chan and mulled over his words.

"I..."

And then the emotions flowed over him in a tumultuous cascade. He was angry, that Chan thought Nash wasn't living his life while spending time with their mother. He was sad because all his time had been spent searching for family, and he really hadn't taken the time to get to know himself or- or build himself. Maybe that's why he was so awkward, maybe that's why he struggled with interacting with other. Maybe travelling with Chan would help him with that. But at the cost of his mother? He was filled with anxiety of the thought that she might... that when he came back she would be gone, and neither of her sons would have been here to say goodbye. He was filled with the longing to enjoy what time spent in her company he could. He wanted... he wanted...

Nash didn't know what he wanted.

"I... never thought of it like that," he said quietly, drooping. "I'm not... I don't even really know who I am. I've always just... looked. I don't know what..." He looked up at his brother with searching eyes. "I just don't want to be alone."

His words apparently had more impact than necessarily intended. Chan's ears leaned back as he attentively watched his brother process what he'd said, patiently waiting for the sentence to continue. What finally came wasn't exactly expected, his head tilting ever so slightly. It didn't take more than a few seconds to understand, however, especially as Nash mentioned looking.

"Well, you've got time now to figure things out, don't you?" he asked, voice gentle in hopes of encouraging rather than upsetting his sibling.

"... I know there's so much in life to be afraid of, Nash, but letting that fear tie you down doesn't make them go away. We have to live despite the things we're scared of."

Like being alone. Like living without someone you love. These things were as equal a facet to life as their stark opposites.

you can fade after your next post if you'd like

Nash took a deep breath. This was supposed to be a happy conversation, a good thing. Making progress, finding a goal.

And Nash had to go and ruin it again. This was too much like that conversation, before Chan left on his first mission. Nash couldn't let this time be like that again. He wouldn't. Chan was too important.

"Time, yeah," he agreed with a pained smile. Time.

"I'm not afraid!" he snapped, a little harsher than he meant to. He grimaced. "I'm not afraid," he said, more gently. "I've been alone, for a long time. I can do it. I just don't want to."

Sure. He could keep telling himself that. Burry the bad. Burry the bad.

"Let's go do something, yeah? Refill the caches, check on the pups, something like that?" he hoped his smile this time was more genuine. He wanted them to still spend time together, still be brothers.

Nash could deal with his problems on his own.