i've got a love but it's not mine

Did he think they were looking for him, too? That was something that’d weighed heavily on his mind as well, their reaction to his disappearance. It was just another factor contributing to the hopelessness and guilt he felt. But he allowed himself to contemplate the question for a moment, eyes focusing on some invisible point in the distance, unsure of what he felt he would want, or what he would prefer.

”I.. am sure they went looking. And that they were, and probably still are.. worried.” He responded softly, tone close to matching that of his company. ”But I hope they.. are not still looking. That it has not consumed them, and that they can move on, and continue living their lives. That is what I would want, for them.” Not to forget, but to accept, and move on. The same thing he knew he needed to do.

A soft breath escaped him, and at that, Alarick realized something and turned once more to rest his gaze upon his company. ”I should not burden you like this, either. What was it you were doing, before?” He did not want to distract Levi for too long from whatever he had been up to, nor subject the other to his sorrows. Especially since things could not be changed.

The picture Alarick briefly painted was dismal, causing Levi's chest to sink rather than lift. Yes, that had certainly been the wrong avenue. Still, he listened, taking each word to heart. He wanted them not to be consumed, to move on. It would be easier for them, Leviticus knew that much, because they had each other. Trying to start over when one was alone, when the memories were all you had tying you to Earth, keeping you from floating away up into nothing?

He knew first paw how hard that was. Finding River again was likely the only reason Levi was even remotely alright at the moment. He'd been so thankful to be reunited, had finally felt like he'd come home, he hadn't dwelled on what if. Likely, he wouldn't have just 'moved on' either. Levi leaned more heavily into his friend, pressing his cheek against the other's neck.

"You're not a burden," he spoke with such earnesty that it thickened his voice like tears, "you're my friend."

He hadn't been doing anything important, and certainly nothing that could hold a candle to this. What had he been doing... ? As if on cue, the vulture crackled and stretched its wings, still waiting for him to feed it.

"Are you hungry?... I um. I was hunting anyways."

Maybe... maybe if Alarick felt better physically, it would help him mentally as well?

He was not a burden, the other spoke with a hefty amount of certainty. He was a friend. The statement provided Alarick something to focus on, to latch on to. He was with a friend, and was not completely alone. ”I would want them to know that I have a friend, too.” Hopefully, somehow, someway, they could.

”Thank you, Levi,” Al added softly, affording himself time to enjoy the other’s company as well as to gather his thoughts and emotions before the other spoke again.

Hunting. Levi had been hunting. That statement brought attentiveness and light back to his eyes, and a small surge of energy to replenish his depleted morale. ”I suppose.. I am. I would be quite glad to accompany you, on a hunt.” This sort of distraction was exactly what he needed. A chance to work with someone else, in a way he had not been able to for months.

Levi's tail lifted to give a few wags, tentative but heartfelt as Alarick spoke. He was happier still when the man accepted his offer. It was like a step forward, and he was thankful for that. There was certainly no way he could leave the wolf in the same condition he'd been found. He trotted forward, happy to lead the way. There were plenty of prey trails around that the pack kept track of, and while he hadn't learned all of them he could certainly find them some kind of meal.

"You know..." he still was afraid of saying the wrong thing, but felt this was important to get out.

"You... kept me going after I... stopped. And, I found them. I found Arcus, and now I live with River again."

He looked over his shoulder at his friend as he walked, seeking his gaze.

"Because of you."

He didn't have the words to translate that into purpose, but it was significant in the same way, he could feel it in his chest. Alarick mattered, and made a difference, no matter what drove him.

(This post was last modified: Jan 03, 2022, 02:07 AM by Leviticus.)

With the agreement to hunt made, Levi was quick to trot forth to begin their hunt, prompting Al to follow, remaining a couple of steps behind his friend.. This area had so far seemed rather abundant with prey, and Alarick did not think it would take too long to track something down, assuming Levi was not already following a lead. Which, it seemed like he was.

He spoke up along the way, though, the first couple of words alone - though inconsequential - hinting at something meaningful. And after that, the other stated that he had found those he had been looking for. And, that he was even living with one now.

”That is.. amazing. I am so happy to hear it,” he spoke, flashing the other a grin, overjoyed that Levi had managed to find exactly what he had sought. ”I am glad, too, that I helped.” And maybe that was the one bit of positivity Alarick could cling to and carry with him for a while.

Perhaps he would never find his home, but he was still doing things. Helping others, if even only slightly. That had to count for something.

It was a relief how genuinely happy Alarick appeared to be, melting Levi's heart in a painful way. The benevolent man deserved so much better, and the tawny wolf hoped dearly that he found it soon. One thing at a time, he had to remind himself. He began to slink, crackling in the forest sounding ahead of them. Something had busied itself amongst the frozen brush, oblivious to the wolves that stalked nearby.

Levi slowed and nodded ahead toward the subtle noise - something to try for? Before he could make another step, two large snowshoe hares burst from cover, bounding toward the wolves.

"Woah!"

There was little time to think about what startled them from the opposing direction - Levi twisted round and shot after the fleeing duo, hoping he could catch one. With Alarick helping to limit the preys' options, the younger wolf chose to be optimistic.

While Al supposed he might have helped that night, it truly was the other that deserved most of the credit, for turning his fortunes around. After that time, Levi had chosen on his own to keep going. And that counted for far more, in Alarick’s opinion, than the encouragement he had offered during the course of a single night. But.. that was not something he would ever say.

The focus, for now, was on this hunt. And before too long, the soft sounds of something rustling around in the undergrowth alerted the two to the presence of some kind of prey ahead. Levi nodded toward it, and a mere breath after that, Alarick stared wide-eyed as two hares darted out from the brush, directly towards him and Levi.

His friend let out a startled exclamation but turned almost immediately after that to pursue. Instinct bid Alarick do the same, mind already racing through the possibilities. Although there were two hares, targeting just one.. seemed like the wisest thing to do. A single hare could easily evade a wolf in this terrain, but maybe not two.

With Levi seeming to target one, Al opted to head after it as well, running along one side of the prey to limit escape options and hopefully allow his friend to strike.

Despite the surprise start, Levi and Alarick both were able to recover and assume hunting formation, clenching them a victory. The hare dodged away from the young man's friend and straight for him. He took full advantage, clamping his jaws down around their prey's neck. He felt more than the throat collapse, and dropped a mangled corpse to the ground soon after.

"Awesome!" he could help but exclaim with glee - that had been easy, just as they needed!

He nipped open the hare's side and dug in, pulling out a small liver and tossing it away from them into the snow. The vulture descended, squawking happily as it hopped after the gifted treat. Levi smiled at the bird, then nudged the rest of the meat toward his friend.

"Fates have our back today."

He still saw the world through the lens of his parents' religion - it was all he knew, still to this day. He reclined, pulling all of his paws close together and laying his tail atop them to try and keep them warm.

"... we're not far, you know. Our pack."

There was a hesitation, as though he were being too forward - he didn't know @Adelard well enough to extend a welcome on his behalf, though his friendship with River gave Levi hope that the man wasn't as severe as he appeared.

"I'll... I'll always be happy to see you, okay?"

(This post was last modified: Jan 09, 2022, 06:52 PM by Leviticus.)

While the one hare escaped unharmed, Levi made quick work of the other, chasing it down and killing it quickly. An elated cry escaped his friend, something which brought a wide grin to Alarick’s face as he circled back to meet the other. ”Very nice,” he agreed with a nod.

Most curiously, a vulture Al had not noticed before descended to the ground as Levi tossed a bit out to it. Was there a connection, between them? Perhaps, but it was not his to inquire about. The subsequent statement did warrant an appreciative nod, as well as a glance upward.

”It would appear they do. Something for which I am very grateful,” the former hunter murmured, leaning down to take a bite from the hare before nudging it back to his friend. It took a considerable amount of effort to not get choked up on that bite, however, with the words that came next.

Thankfully, though, that also provided a good excuse for not responding right away, and thus a moment to consider his words. ”I thought there might be a pack, around here. I considered approaching, but.. I do not know if anywhere else could ever truly feel like home, to me.” That was something that would require a substantial amount of thought and a lot more time.

”And it would not be fair to any pack that might host me, if my heart were not in it. If I continue to find nothing else, after this, though.. I will come and see you again.” It went without saying that the feeling of happiness would be wholly and completely reciprocated, no matter the nature of any future meeting if fate were to determine that they would have one.

(This post was last modified: Jan 15, 2022, 02:39 PM by Alarick.)

He pulled away some flesh after Alarick had done so, chewing thoughtfully while listening to his friend's response. His statement confused Levi, but also helped illuminate even further why the man was so down. It wasn't just that he felt certain he would never see his family again, he felt as though that meant there was no longer a place for him in the world.

His heart would have continued to sink again, but Alarick's final declaration buoyed it. Either the other wolf would find a place where he was at home again, or he would come back to Levi, and that was good enough. If his search took him far, the displaced Armstead heir would miss and wonder after him, but he of course wanted the man to have his happiness more.

"I understand," he spoke thoughtfully, after swallowing his bite of food.

"I don't think the Chasm would feel like home without River."

A pause, and then he grinned widely, so wide his eyes squeezed shut.

"I hope you find somewhere, Alarick, somewhere that makes you as happy as you deserve to be. And, I hope that it's close enough for you to come visit and tell me all about it."

(This post was last modified: Jan 24, 2022, 12:01 AM by Leviticus.)