Willow Ridge Can't keep this from you

Avella was fully prepared to raise her pups on her own. Well as much as she would having the help of the pack. She knew Scully would want to be there for them and help raise them. Ruka would be there since it was part of her responsibilities. The Ridge leader could easily not allow Hagar to be a part of her pups lives for the simple fact that he could ve their father but that wasn't who she was. It didn't matter if she knew for sure who the father was. The chocolate male could be their father and Avella believed he had a right and she wanted to honor that.

When he asked his question she sat back on her haunches. "Well it would mean that you could spend time with them but more than that you can do what Dads do. Teach them stuff and tell them stories. Look after them and make sure they are safe. You and I we'd work together as a team to give them the best life we can." She didn't want Hagar to feel forced into anything especially nothing that he wasn't ready for but she wanted to give him the opportunity.

Hagar considered her words deeply, taking time with his answers. It was clear that there was a lot going through his head, but it was not yet seen if Avella knew him well enough to recognize that this meant the matter meant a great deal to him. Going with just his gut wasn't enough, his heart was demanding the floor as well, something it rarely felt the need to do.

Even when the words did come, they were slow and each placed with great care.

"... I must confess, most of those things I already planned to do regardless. Where I come from, all adults contribute what they have to the growth of the children, from basic needs to skills and knowledge and even culture. All of this, of course, while respecting whatever wishes there were of the Mother and, if she chose one, Father."

He took a breath, and made a choice he was tentative to take without truly knowing why.

"For us, Father is permanent, and when it comes to the relationship between parents, it's synonymous with Mate. This, doesn't feel like a proposal, however."

Hagar attempted a smile, wanting to show good will. He wasn't exactly asking her for her hand in marriage either.

(This post was last modified: Sep 14, 2022, 01:22 AM by Hagar.)

Avella knew what her hopes for this conversation were but she didn't know if Hagar felt the same. She laid out her position for him and then gave him some time to think things over. She didn't want to rush him because this wasn't a decision to be made lightly. She wanted tklhe best for the pups she carried inside her but she also didn't want to put them or Hagar into a position that wasn't good for any of them.

She was all ears when he finally spoke. Each word was heard and considered just as much as it seemed he'd taken. "I'm glad to hear that you'll be a part of their lives. Whether your their father or not I do want you to be an important part of their lives Hagar. I would like for you to teach them things and spend time with them." She looked down at her paws a moment before taking a breath amd meeting his eyes, "But I do need to make it clear that right now I can't be certain who their father is."

Avella didn't want to keep things from Hagar nor did she want him to believe something that may or may not be true. She had to be clear about things until she knew more. He went on to talk about father's and their roles but what he said at the end was a little bit of a surprise.

"I'm sorry Hagar but no this isn't a proposal. We are friends at least I hope we are. Beyond that I don't know."

There might have been a time in the past but now she just wasn't sure how she felt. What she did know was that she didn't want to lose his friendship. If it transpired into something more than she'd certainly be willing to explore it but for now this was where she felt they were.

Hagar was quiet after her response, returning to deep thought. Something in him was warring, making this conversation and his participation in it more difficult than it should be. He chewed his tongue, considered his words, then closed his eyes briefly. Regardless of what he might truly want, he knew what was likely best.

"Their father is your choice," he reiterated softly, maintaining a thin but genuine smile. Did she feel pressured to give them one now, did she regret her choices? He wished he could help, but felt this conversation had made clear he could not. After all, she would have to let him in for that, and now for the first time he felt a sense of distance between them, even if small.

"I... think it'd be best if you saved the title for someone you want at your side."

This was a hard conversation and frankly Avella didn't want to have it. Still it needed to be had, things needed to be clear even though in her mind they were anything but. She had to say all of the hard things. That was how it had to be for her, she'd made her choice and now she had to figure out how to handle it.

"Thank you for understanding." She woukd make thst choice once they were born and she could see what they looked like. She felt in her heart that she woukd know who the father was. She hoped that it would be Hagar so that their father could be with them. She had this feeling that Hagar might like the idea of being a father.

She hated that she had to tell Hagar that she wasn't offering a proposal but she had to be fair to him. "I'm sorry," she said sitting back on her Haunches. "I dont want to be unfair to you. I hope you can understand that?"

Thank you for understanding, she told him and yet he didn't feel as though he fully did. It was an unfamiliar feeling for him, his life having mostly been spent in the company of wolves who left nothing to mystery, and so he did not know how to navigate the situation. His jaws felt rusted, disallowing him from speaking his questions aloud. They felt inappropriate somehow, as though he already had his answers and would be pushing.

They were in truth assumptions, but his gut told him they were concrete.

I'm sorry, she added, and he blinked. For what?

I don't want to be unfair to you. Hagar raised a brow.

"Do you feel you are?"

(This post was last modified: Sep 21, 2022, 10:40 PM by Hagar.)

Avella was trying to make this conversation as easy as she could on them both. She hadn't ever had to do anything like this so it was really hard for her to navigate her way through the conversation. The last thing that she wanted to do was to hurt Hagar and lose his friendship. She considered him to be a dear friend but things had changed for her and she needed to think about that.

His question brought her gaze to the ground in front of her for a moment before she looked back at him. "I don't know," she admitted quietly, "I mean part of me does cause I'm in a place where I'm unsure of a lot of things and I just don't think that is fair to you."

(This post was last modified: Oct 01, 2022, 01:37 AM by Avella.)

He shouldn't have asked the question. Hagar knew that then, when her answer came and it made his stomach cramp in a way he'd never felt before. Part of him wanted to turn away then and go elsewhere, perhaps a hunt so he wouldn't have to think at all. That would have been deeply disrespectful however, and Avella was the last wolf he wanted to be so with even if she was the one inspiring these feelings inside of him.

He could have asked what she was unsure of, but felt confident that digging deeper would just bring on more of these novel and unpleasant emotions. There were situations in which it could have been worth it, but that seemed to be what she communicating even though for some painfully perplexing reason she was not saying it directly; that it wouldn't be.

Hagar was quiet a moment, his own gaze elsewhere and distant.

"... I don't know what to say."

He wanted to be a wolf who could help her sort out the things that were making her frown, confusing and troubling her. Before, she'd always seemed to speak so freely to him. Now? She clearly did not want his companionship.

It was a strange time for the Ridge leader. She'd never been in such a situation before and knowing what to do wasn't easy. Her emotions were all over the place and she didn't know what the future held for her and the pack. She felt she wasn't being fair to Hagar because she couldn't give him any definite answers to how exactly she was feeling.

The confusion and uncertainty worried her but she had to remain steadfast for the pack. Make the decisions that needed to be made while she figured things out. An apologetic look crossed her features as Hagar spoke.

"You don't havebto say anything," she said stepping toward him and brushing her muzzle against his. "I think I just need a little time to figure out what exactly I'm feeling. Then I can explain myself better."

She hoped that helped him to understand where she was. That with a little time she'd be in a better place to know how to explain everything to him.

He almost flinched from her touch, unexpecting the gesture of comfort. His muscles locked rigid instead, heat rising into his cheeks beneath his dark fur. The words didn't much help him, just as their predecessors hadn't. That was okay. It wasn't her responsibility to coddle these feels inside of him. His leathery nose bumped her cheek briefly in reciprocation and acknowledgement before he took a step back, away.

"Whenever you need me to, I'm here to listen," was the best he could offer, not sure that they necessarily needed any further discussion of the subject. That feeling would only be cemented within him once Camden finds his way to the Ridge, a piece of the puzzle he did not yet have.

He took another step back, but did not dare to turn. Hagar wished for Avella to dismiss him, so that he wouldn't have to feel that he was scampering away from her.

"If that's all you had to say, I should get back to work..."

(This post was last modified: Jan 19, 2023, 02:46 AM by Hagar.)