Blackberry Fields i'll beg you nice from my knees

The white lady stated that she shouldn't be here and that Jaysyek missed him… His pack missed him. Borden's eyes sadly traced along the scars on her face, the ones that still seemed to be fully healing, as she said that feeling important - possibly to him - was just something that she had imagined. He heard her say that Pangur had been with Aisling…

He tried to match Aisling's face to her name, but found that he could not remember her physically. The only memory he could remember of her was her voice. Specifically when they had met one another in the middle of their pack territory; she had greeted him cheerfully with a rather enthusiastic, "Borden, oh, it's you!"

Frowning slightly, he eyed the old scars along her shoulder… where fur failed to grow back over the thin lines of pink skin. The way her muscles rippled and moved she she took a step back made something finally click, and the familiar snarl echoed in his ears, the one that had sounded out in defense against a disgruntled bear so many months ago in the Thicket of Secrets. Vlarindara. His ears perked up as she affirmed that the name had belonged to her. "V-Vlar?" he sounded out, testing the name for a brief second as she kept her back to him. "Vlar! Don't… Don't go." Almost as if a bolt of lightning had struck him, he made to get up, but the weight on his left paw made him recoil and abruptly sit back down. How could he have forgotten?

Well, what do you want from me?

At his voice calling her name, she flinched, still fully expecting to be attacked - but when he instead asked her not to go, she did stop..despite herself. A sigh heaved her sides before she glanced at him, the single amber orb focusing on his form. A single amber orb watched him for a heartbeat before dragging herself back up the hill and slinking to within a foot of the male before she lowered her hind end quietly to the grasses beneath their feet. Her head remained hanging between her shoulders, vision focused on the ground between her paws. "It...perhaps it's best that you don't remember me." The Femme could feel the hot liquid oozing down the right side of her face from the wound over her eye... and shivered in remembrance of the attack that stole her vision away - the glaring pain of the wound. Yet, here she was, once again putting herself within striking distance of one who had every reason to do the same to her other eye. "I..can escort you back to your pack - perhaps..prosper's returned in your absence.." She would escort him...most of the way. The female would never step foot n Grizzly Hollow soil again - she knew that. It would be signing her death warrant -in more ways than one.

An anxious whine came from his chest, a few notes warbling through his throat. "Don't say that," he croaked when she said that he ought to not remember her. Why would she say that? It just didn’t make sense.

He timidly reached out to her with his right paw, wanting to touch her just to make sure she was really there… to make sure he wasn't hallucinating. The past few nights had been torture, his insomnia and psychosis-like symptoms had made him feel like he was sleepwalking; and, every now and then, when he was delirious enough, he saw them – the wolves of the woods. More than often it had been an angelic Jaysyek who constantly urged him to keep searching for their son. Perhaps it was high time that Vlarindara – and the rest of his pack – made her own ghostly appearances. He lightly prodded one of her forelimbs in a cautious fashion to find that she was indeed there.

She offered to escort him back and he shook his head from left to right just once. "I'll find them when I mean to," he breathed, not wanting to admit that he had yet to cope with the consequences of his absence. "Do you know if Prosper was retrieved? I've… I… I've searched… for so long. I never found him." His ears drooped downward, and he tried to swallow the lump in his throat. "Why didn't you come back?" he then queried, biting his tongue at the end of his question to keep her from the truth - he had also gone off in search of her when his hopes for Prosper started to slowly dim.

Well, what do you want from me?

OOC: Lol.. I both love - and hate my Vlar.. XD

The touch to her leg made her look at his paw, but she managed to keep herself from running - a small victory in her eyes. His question was met with a quiet shake of her head, her focus returning to the grass between her feet. If..Prosper wasn't found yet - then.. she held little hope that the adventurous pup had survived... A flash of pain made her throat tighten - her lungs refuse to work properly. Before she could answer - he asked another question... a harder one that felt as if there was a heavier weight on her shoulders. "Because..I couldn't... stay any longer."

Vlarindara lifted her head to watch him in silence the span of a heartbeat before looking away - focusing on.. something, anything in the distance. "I couldn't remain and keep pretending what I felt didn't exist...I tried...but in the end - I had to go lest I lost myself...or...lashed out with ierreperal consequences." She frowned, her ears folding over her skull. "I made.. a vow to protect the pack - from any threat .. even if that threat is myself." That hadn't worked out too well for her, had it? She'd still lost everything.. Though, since their first few.. meetings, her feelings for the masked wolf hadn't dimmed - but only grown more prominent the more she watched him with the bi-eyed alphess that was his mate.

When the larger Tainn had claimed her - she'd run.. from his offer of leading a pack.. because he simply wasn't the Lyall she pined for. In order to keep from challenging Jaysyek, or lashing out against the pups.. she'd left in the middle of the night - without saying goodbye to any of the pack. Without.. saying goodbye to Raigo. He was growing into a successful adult - flourishing in the stability of a strong bonded pack. Why...why would she tell him goodbye - if it might make him want to go with her?Then again - she'd had no intentions of returning, either.. Not to a pack with Borden in it - and certainly not to one where she had to stay under some.. female who was his mate. Selfish. Anger rose up in her breast - hatred... but all directed towards herself and her own selfish desires.

(This post was last modified: Nov 14, 2011, 10:35 PM by Vlarindara.)

Vlarindara said she couldn't stay with the pack any longer and Borden had to swallow back a simple "but…" to keep himself from interrupting her. She simply had to leave for the sake of keeping herself – emotions and all – in check. "I missed you," he murmured. "I couldn’t help it. I mean, Raigo was also out there looking for you… I-I worried about you, Vlar. Surely you thought of me, but didn’t you think about all of us?" He let out a brief sigh but it did nothing to ease the tension in his chest; he wished she had taken the pack into consideration.

He gritted his teeth, grinding his molars as he became completely unsure if he could hold his tongue any longer. "I trusted you… to stay. When…" He drew in a sharp breath, holding it just long enough to sting his lungs before releasing it, "When you never returned to the den for whatever reason I… I went out searching for you, too." He pressed his lips together, falling silent to gauge her reaction to his outburst. When he felt that just enough time had passed between them in silence, he opened his mouth again, but this time his voice started to drip with heartache, "What… what made you think I'd let you go?"

Well, what do you want from me?

OOC: Vlar got a bit windy.. lol

Her head drooped lower, injured ears folding over her neck before she looked away, shame heaving even more weight to her form. But...she HAD taken the pack into consideration. They had more than enough wolves to care for each other, and the young pups. Borden and Jaysyek, Kiche and Aisling.. Raigo..Elettra.. All wolves she knew would do what it took to ensure the safety of the pack.. She'd considered the options that night while on patrol.. before her departure.

A coarse sigh escaped her lips before she shifted, bringing her muzzle to lightly touch the side of his neck- his left side to her uninjured left. The breifest of touches before she pulled away and lowered her head, injured ears resting against her skull. His words stung, causing a heavier weight over her heart, a weigh that felt far too..crushing to be even remotely comfortable. It drew a thin, reedy whine from her lips, her eyes dropping back to the ground between her paws. Lips sealed themselves shut before she squeezed her eyes closed, trying to put words to her feelings.

"I'm sorry...isn't going to cut it - nor do I expect it to..it's just..." She looked up at him, the single amber eye torn and clouded with unbridled emotion. "I couldn't...trust myself not to hurt your mate - your alphess.....or even the pups... it would hurt you.. far too much if I did... less than it would for me to have left. It would have hurt Raigo and the coherency of the pack had I done any harm to anyone.. You have...no room in your life for anything other than what you should be concentrating on... Jaysyek, the pups... your pack.." The ivory female swallowed hard, feeling a little like she was drowning. "I can't..live under another anymore, Borden.. I can't...especially not another who shares the same den with you." Vlarindara forced herself to breathe, to look up at him in silence - almost cringing for the words of contempt that would fall.. the words of reprimand. "I'm...not cut out to be a follower...I've learned that. Nor apparently - am I cut out to be a leader."

Her voice cracked slightly as she practically spilled every thought that was jumbled in her mind. Quietly, the white female pulled away from him, her feet carrying her a half step away from the masked wolf sitting before her. "There is but one place for a wolf that won't follow, and can't lead." Nowhere near other wolves that they might hurt..

She gently nuzzled him; his ears flicking before laying back against his skull. His eyes dropped to the thorny, wilted vine beneath his right paw just as Vlar glanced up at him. Guilt ballooned in his chest, making his heart anxiously skip a few beats. He kept trying to hold his breath, to keep his chest from hurting. His efforts were in vain, however, and every now and then during her explanation, he shuddered with his brows knit together. At one point in time, he had wanted the white lady for himself… the one before him rather than the one who was hopefully still waiting for his return. He wouldn’t deny it. Something had changed his mind, though, when the opportunity came for him to “settle down” and choose a mate, and he didn't dare to pinpoint what it was exactly. All he knew now was that, ultimately, he wanted her to be happy, just as Jaysyek had made him. He just never considered that she was not happy to be within his reach but yet so… far.

This had been all his fault. If only he hadn’t been so befuddled with what love was when he had first felt it… discovered it as a whole emotion. If only he hadn’t sent all the wrong signals or been selfish to have both ladies for himself, the three of them – Borden, Jaysyek, and Vlarindara – wouldn’t have been hurting. His gaze lifted as he was about to ask what was wrong with being just friends or what the matter was with anything else of the sort, but she openly provided him with the answer. She couldn't stand to be under Jayse, not even just one rank; and she also struggled with being stuck in-between being unable to follow or lead. Hadn’t he been through that? Being unable to live under Alexander but deeming himself unfit to lead his own family?

His eyes searched her face for any hint of a common emotion between distress, heartbreak, anger and disappointment. He blinked, his eyelids fluttering as his brows slightly lifted into a sort of agonized wince, and eventually he looked away from her altogether. "I am so… so sorry, Vlarindara," he sorely whispered, feeling as if he could just break down completely. "I wish… I wish things had been better for you. I truly mean that."

Well, what do you want from me?

OOC: -ZOMG, poor Borden ;_;

His apology and the fact that he looked away stung, causing her to step forward a half step before forcing her to stop and lower her head. She had no right to be near him now. The female watched him in silence before her lips parted, a gentle sentence slipping between them. "No - you found your calling... You found the one that completes you - there is no reason to apologize for such things." Vlarindara sighed, a soft but sad smile curling her scarred lips upwards. "I have no right to ask this of you... but..." Her voice cracked, knowing that his request would be the hardest thing... she had done. "Please...could you keep taking care of Raigo? I....I can't...he needs stability and safety.. neither of which I can offer..." How was she supposed to take care of another, if she couldn't care for herself?

Jaysyek had told her that she was in no position to ask such things of anyone - especially where Raigo was concerned...but the ivory wolf still loved him.. And wanted to see to it that he had the best care and life he could have. Surrounded by pack, a goal in mind - stability and safety... He needed it. She could feel a bubble of pain gathering in her chest - and knew that it would stay with her.. only to grow and ebb as she aged. Jaysyeks opinions of her were...painfully clear. She was not to be trusted.. and was just as worthless as the leaves beneath their paws. Vlarindara was mostly convinced that Raigo hated her just as much as the white alphess.. and stars help her, she was being selfish by not wanting him to know she'd returned. Why? Because that single, sliver of doubt was enough for her to not want to see reality. What if the reality was that he wanted to hurt her like Jayse? What if he wanted her dead for what she'd done to him? Vlar wasn't sure she could bear knowing the truth.. So she hoped that he'd just.. not realize she was back.

The white female was scarred, beaten - and ruined in her eyes. Couldn't live under another.. and couldn't live alone. She watched him quietly, a soft whine trailing from her throat. "I...might not be able to live..under anyone...but...it doesn't mean that I'll leave these lands again.." She knew..exactly where she was going to go.. as the air grew colder - she was going to retreat to the den she'd found upon arriving in Relic Lore - the cave against the mountain.. heated by the underground spring... "I'm going back...to my home.. my den.." What prompted her to tell him, she didn't know - perhaps the need to have him *know* where she'd be? So he could stop searching? She as of yet hadn't realized his paw was injured - but then each time he'd put weight on it, she'd had her back to him. or not been looking. "You....you're welcome to come visit every so often if you wish - though I know it's a long trip from your home...And I honestly don't..expect kindness or companionship...And..even though I have no right to ask such things, or even consider any of the Grizzly Hollow wolves friends...Could..we at least remain acquaintances?" She was hopeful that he'd say yes, but far too beaten and downtrodden to really believe it. Vlarindara had looked away when she asked, not wishing to see the disgust on his face.

He nodded slowly. "Of course," he promised, watching as she gathered her legs underneath her. "And I will. We… will. I-I'm sure Jayse is taking very good care of him." She stated that she wouldn’t be leaving Relic Lore again and he nodded once more. At least the lands here were somewhat more predictable than the unknown elements beyond the familiar Edens and forests.

Vlarindara mentioned that she was going to return to her den, the one at the base of Mount Dire, and he tried hard to remember where exactly the den was. Perhaps that was a good thing in the long run, but at present, Borden painfully withheld his hankering need to ask for its location… in case he ever wanted to visit her.

"Sure," he meekly replied. His stomach churned as he continued to process their relationship, growling uncomfortably. Things had seemingly always been complicated between them, yes, but only now did he realize how difficult it really was after taking into account all that had happened. The stress alone was already physically taking its toll on him. “Acquaintances… would be alright.” Something at the back of his head scolded him; he knew Jayse would have said otherwise or at least persuade him to say that it wasn’t okay for them to remain in contact. He swept the thought aside; he would deal with that whole thing later.

His gaze dropped to his muddied paws but he practically returned his eyes to hers when an inkling of something remembered came back to him. He wasn't sure how or why, but he went ahead and asked, "What about… th-that male who helped you bring Theo and Arlette t-to the Hollow? Will you meet up with him again?"

Well, what do you want from me?

She heard the audible growling of his stomach, and knew she'd hunt for him - one last time before parting ways. It seemed a theme for the pair anyway. Exchanging food...other things... Somehow -she felt as if this was her...last goodbye to the wolf she'd known..for some time now. The male..? "Angier?" She glanced around them as if simply saying the name would draw the male from hiding.. when it didn't, she returned her look to the male sitting before her. "I haven't seen him since he left the pups and I on the border."

Vlarindara watched Borden a few moments more, before casting her eye over the grass. "I'm..going to go hunt you up something to eat....I promise - I won't leave without saying goodbye.." To him. The white female turned and made her way slowly down the hill, slinking off into the forests. It was just..easier for her to go on a hunt and not wait to see his reaction. After all - maybe she could hope that he was going to reconsider.. but.. doubted it. It took her about fifteen.. twenty minutes to even locate something to make a decent meal - a marmot that hadn't been fast enough.. Though in her hunt, she'd managed to catch the thing, but got blindsided (literaly) by a tree, that made her right side feel as if it were on fire. Regardless, the wolf returned to the tree (another five minute trek) with the furred creature in her jaws. Hopefully, he'd still be there.

Her head was held low, weighed down by both guilt, pain and the marmot, but she managed, slowly cresting the hill so she could deposit the marmot at his feet...then backing away nervously.