White Fir Notch Make Me Care

PP of @Lucia Approved by Cade! Ryker had much to say and wanted it out now

How dare they! How dare they leave, with promises that they’d come home one day. Hot tears gathered in his eyes but he refused to allow them to fall. His father hadn’t even been bothered to deliver the news himself that he wouldn’t be back as soon as promised. Instead, some stranger had come in his stead and that said stranger had sought out Jynx and Emrys. Not his own son and he had to have heard it second hand. Anger had boiled in him just at the mere thought of it.

But that wasn’t the worst of it.

No, what had hurt the most was Lucia coming back to the borders and at first, in his excitement, had bowled her over, rejoicing in the fact she was back and that at least he had one sister at his side again. He had grown to accept that he would have to travel to his mother and Aleris, if he wished to see them again. Even well after the news of his father had been delivered, after feeling boiling anger and shedding many tears, he had accepted that his father had the duty to care for them and would know his son was safe in the Notch. Ryker grew to be perfectly content with the idea of one day stretching his legs and seeing them again, in their new home.    

But all hope of his other sister’s eventual return had been dashed on the rocks once the two returned to the feet and the boy noticed the sadness that hung on Lucia’s shoulders and the sombre look in her eyes.

“Lucia? What’s wrong?” his voice cracking, Ryker looked her into the eyes and prayed desperately that she wasn’t about to say something that would break both their hearts. But he knew, could see it in her eyes and the silence that captivated the other normally rambunctious girl. “Please, don’t. L-Lu, please you can’t leave me too.”  no no, not her. Between their mother’s sickness and their parents and other sister leaving, it was only the promise of her return that he clung to. It had terrified Ryker to be the only one left of his family in the Firs that they had grown up in. But now...

“You can’t leave me here all by myself.” The words heaved from his maw as it they were bile, dripping in all sorts of bad tastes and uncomfortable tightening of his chest, his stomach feeling as cold as ice. “You can’t. You said you’d be back, you promised you’d stay. You promised.”

His heart shattered into pieces when Lucia opened her maw and confirmed all his darkest fears and his worst nightmares, in a few simple words.

“I’ve only come back to say goodbye.”

Since then, turbulent thoughts and emotions had raged within him and for the most part, Ryker kept to himself. Part of his was outraged about promises broken, another felt absolute grief that he was all that remained of his family within the Notch and the rest of him was just hollow. What on earth would he do now? Yes, Jynx and Sylva had given birth to their pups and he had mechanically been helping them where he could, delivering food to them in attempts to prove useful and try take his mind off things.

Right now, sweeping into the communal den, Ryker flopped onto his side in the far corner where he had taken residence ever since his family had left. The boy was lost. He had no idea what he wanted or needed to do. Emrys was a healer and he knew Sylva was one as well, to some extent, Jynx had been a hunter. The others he had no idea who they were or what they did and part of him honestly didn’t care, thinking that one day they’d all leave too. The older scarred male, Ambrosia, who Gent had accepted so long ago had stuck around and Ryker knew he should at least get to know him better but quite frankly, he didn’t care right now.

But his eyesight was piss poor so he wasn’t a very good hunter nor did he feel like he could be a very good healer. Even if a lot of the herbs were fragrant, he felt like he’d still pick up the wrong plant by accident. Maybe a scout?

Who was he kidding, he would mess everything up. And there was no way anyone would think the blue eyed wolf would be intimidating enough to be a guardian of any sort. Huffing, he closed his eyes and curled up. Guess he’d just be a pup sitter forever, once Jynx needed one. He wasn’t really sure what was going on with Sylva. But that’s all he’d be good for anyway, helping to look after the pups until they were old enough to fend for themselves.  

He wasn’t even good enough to keep his own family around so he may as well try help with someone else’s.    

(This post was last modified: May 16, 2017, 03:36 PM by Ryker.)

It had been sad news to receive that Gent nor Lucia would be returning to White Fir Notch. Emrys hoped the former leader would be able to stay long enough to see the puppies once they were born but the runner had brought the dark man’s apologies at not being able to attend the birth. Now that he was leader of the notch he understood not being able to get away. He worried for Jynx and how she was taking the news of Gent and that he wouldn't get to meet their children. The healer hoped that one day their friend would be able to return and see what will become of the notch in his absence.

There was one who’d been left behind in the notch which Emrys couldn't imagine was easy for Ryker. Especially when the pup was still trying to find his place in the pack. As leader and a friend to Gent he felt it important that he check up on the youngster and let him know that he could always come to the healer.

He'd been sticking close to Jynx since the pups had been born to make sure that they were doing well. Though he was sure if there was something wrong his mate would let him know. He felt this might not be a time where he would have to make the huntress rest. In fact he wasn't sure her be able to tear her away from them and though they hadn't been parents long he felt they weren't doing too bad.

The healer stuck his head into the den after taking care of a few pack things to ensure Jynx and the pups were resting comfortably. Once he'd eased his mind of that worry he went in search of the young Lieris. The communal den was where his scent was strongest so the leader stuck his head in and found the boy laying on his side in the far corner of the den. The healer entered and settled down next to the young man in hopes that he could show his status wasn't something to be recognized just then. He’d come as more of a friend then as a leader and he wanted to convey that to Ryker.

“Hello Ryker, I hope you don't mind me joining you but I wanted to see how you were doing? Is there anything you need?” He thought he would start there and see what kind of reaction he would get. He didn't want to upset the boy but he did want make sure he was thought about.

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A lynx has left behind the remains of a deer. +5 Health

Opening his eyes as soon as Emrys came into the den, Ryker stayed silent as the man went to lay next to him. He remained silent for a few moments after Emrys asked if he was alright and if he needed anything. Something rose up in him, something that made him cantankerous just hearing Emrys ask how he was.

"Don't you have your own pups to care about?" The bitterness was clear in Ryker's tone as he spoke, a small part of him thinking he had been replaced now the new leader's pups had finally been born. "You don't have to go worrying over someone else's unwanted child. " Yes, he had been happy Emrys and Jynx's litter were born with little fuss but between leadership being handed over, to their pups arrival and Ryker's own family all but gone, no longer coming back as once thought, it felt more and more like that he no longer belonged in his own home. Nor did it feel like his family wanted him any longer. Why else would they all break their promises? Even Marinna had left without a word, gone to who knows where before Ryker even had any sort of chance to properly get to know her. And wasn't that his fault too, for not seeking her out sooner? To get to know his new 'sister' better and find out who exactly she was to Gent? He hadn't even been able to do that right. It felt like everything was slipping out of reach and he couldn't do anything about it.

Perhaps had he something to do, to occupy his mind and keep him busy, then maybe he'd no longer feel so left out. But no matter what he told himself, that it was okay his father hadn't come back and that Lucia had every right to chose to go back to their parents and Aleris, there was still an empty feeling inside of him.

And it felt as if his heart was heavy and it ached and all he wanted to do was to lash out at someone or something. Wasn't he enough for Lucia to stay in the Notch? Why didn't Gent come back to see them again? Why had his mother and Aleris left with only a small goodbye?

Why wasn't he enough?

Leaving Jynx and the Cubs alone for just a little while was something Emrys wasn't too keen on but it was important he check up on Ryker. With the arrival of the pups so soon after receiving the message that Gent wouldn't be returning he hadn't had a chance to check on the yearling. So he entered the den and settled down next to the young man. Emrys planned to have a talk with the boy and see what he wanted to do.

He couldn't say he was surprised by the sudden outburst and in fact probably worried if it hadn't happened. “I do have my own pups to take care of but that doesn't make you any less important and I'm sorry that I was unable to check on you sooner,” he said calmly. Jynx and their two surviving pups were doing well which was a relief for the healer. As for Ryker he didn't think speaking in loud or annoyed tones what what the young Lieris needed. “You're right I don't have to worry about you. It's because I care about you and what happens to you that I worry about you. I don't want to see you leave this pack too.” He remembered Ryker as a tiny pup showing up at the border and he was always offering to get any herbs the healer might need. He'd enjoyed watching the boy grow into the yearling he was now and wanted to see the man he would one day become. As angry as he seemed now however, Emrys worried more about him but he understood why Ryker felt as he did.

He couldn't imagine being left in a pack that his father had built under new leadership. The boy had to feel alone and he could understand the feelings of being unwanted by his family and maybe even here in the Notch. Emrys was aware that he'd never developed a particularly close relationship with the yearling buy that didn't mean he didn't care any less about him.

The pale leader looked at the boy next to him, “I'm not going to pretend I know what you're going through because I don't. I want you to know I am here for you if you want to talk.” Just because he had new pups to take care of he also had a pack that needed him. He always had time for his packmates and especially Ryker.

A thought did occur to him then that might help the yearling so he decided to voice it. “You have seemed to show an interest in plants so if you would like to learn more I would be more than happy to teach you. You don't have to give me an answer now but think about it.” Emrys had only ever had one wolf that he felt could be considered an apprentice and he had done well. Under his instruction he felt that Ryker could go far and with Sylva's treachery he didn't want her practicing the healing arts with anyone.

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His throat tightened as Emrys calmly talked to Ryker and part of him was angry that Emrys wasn't angry at him. He wanted to be able to yell at someone for a reason and without any guilt but with Emrys being so kind to him right now...it didn't feel right.

"The firs...it feels like they're suffocating me." He blurted out once the other finished talking, taking the offer to be there for the boy if he needed it. "It feels like I'm no longer welcome here. The woods feel empty without my family living here with me." And didn't they feel empty, with the knowledge that no one was coming back for him? The winds carried a little less weight in them, the trees seemed quieter and everything just seemed a little sadder, at least to him. "And I wanna stay but I feel like if I do, I'll just...stop breathing one day. I feel like I need to get out of the Notch, at least for a while, to catch my breath." And it was something he had been thinking of for a time now, because he had barely explored around the Notch yet the few times he had, had sparked a curiosity in him.

"I just...I just need some time away, time to think somewhere that doesn't bring back old memories. And I wanna see what it's like out there," Pointing in the direction of the entrance, Ryker went on. "I don't want to seem ungrateful but it's something that's been on my mind since Lu and Dad left but I didn't wanna leave in case they came back when I wasn't here."

"I'd return one day though!" Ryker hastily added on, not wanting Emrys to think he'd just up and go like so many wolves had before him. "And, I wanna talk to Jynx about it too. I don't want to leave either of you in the dark and I think hearing it from me would be better." The two had done a lot for his family and the pack his parents had made. But it felt like it was his time to go as well, at least for now and see the greater world.

Emrys couldn't be angry with Ryker for the tone he'd taken with the alpha. He remembered how angry he'd been when his mother had died and how alone he'd felt until he finally joined the band of wolves that he'd spent some time with before coming to the lore. His mother dying and leaving him wasn't like what Ryker was going through, his family had left him behind and that had to hurt. So the healer did what he could and offered an ear for the boy if he wanted to talk.

He was glad when the youngster calmed down and taking him up on his offer started to speak explaining how he felt. Emrys did just what he promised to do and listened letting Ryker say all that he needed to. The things that were coming from his maw the healer couldn't imagine were easy for him to say but it was best he get them out. Finally when it seemed that the boy was finished Emrys spoke. “I know it can't be easy to be here with them there and how the forest seems to be missing something. It saddens me that you feel this way about the notch as it's been your home since you were born. It sounds like it doesn't feel like home here anymore?” He asked wondering if he'd made a correct assumption of what Ryker was feeling. Then he added, “For Jynx and I you are family, you should know that.”

The pale alpha nodded when Ryker expressed he needed some time away which was taken to mean he had something to figure out. Emrys himself had taken the time to figure out what he wanted to do after his mother had gone. He understood the need to know what was out there in the world. “We don't want you to leave but I understand that you need to go. Now while you're young is a good time but will you promise me to check in every once in awhile? Let me and Jynx know you're okay? Even if you're not ready to come back to the notch. We will worry about you so knowing that you are doing well is important to us and we will miss you.”

A smile did cross his maw as Ryker declared that he would return one day, “You will always have a place in the notch Ryker, you don't have to worry about that.” The notch had been his home since the day he was born and as far as the pale healer was concerned it would always be his home. “Jynx will appreciate that and I think as long as you are honest like you have been with me she will understand though she maybe sad.” Emrys was sure that Jynx wasn't going to take this well but he was sure she wanted Ryker to be happy. If that meant he had to leave for a time then it might be the best option for him.

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