Mountain of Dire Cover up the poison with poetry

@Cheedo Takes place at CT, not so far from the den
Set on the 17th, midday
note to self, try to be vague, edit if i gotta

Lenae didn't feel any different, if anything she welcomed the return to normality- or at least her version of it. But that in itself was supposed to be troubling, right? She couldn't quite wrap her head around it, that the lack of stink was a sign of things to come. Shock hadn't settled in yet, that would come later, as of then she was in denial, of sorts. There was no use in refusing to acknowledge the past,what was done was done. Even if in hindsight it clearly wasn't a clever move, she had enjoyed her time with Odin. He was good company and like the other wolves that gathered here, he made her feel safe.

Piety and Lorcan had insisted that something was amiss- for lack of a better word, rather Lenae didn't want to think of it- but...they had to be wrong. Not out of maliciousness but- somehow this all had to be a misunderstanding. Mother nature wasn't perfect, mistakes happened from time to time, surely the absence of her smell was one of them. Nothing more and nothing less.

Thinking of it that way made the shame, the embarrassment easier to swallow. They knew of her moment of weakness, it was laid bare for all to smell and she- Lenae didn't want to think of it, the sooner this was all brushed under the carpet the better.

Pushing herself up onto her feet, Lenae shook off her coat and padded along, heading west of the den. She had been idle for too long, it was about time she tried to pull her weight. Perhaps this issue would resolve itself, then everyone would stoop looking at her as though a bird had pooped on her face or something. But what if...what if it didn't? What if it got worse, or they were right? A whine pushed up against her sealed lips, what would she do then? Oh God- what if-

Lenae shook her head and forced a smile. She was better, things were getting better, there was no use in spoiling it all.

(This post was last modified: Mar 15, 2018, 07:33 PM by Lenae.)

After what had happened between her and Odin Cheedo had gone about her life in the Tarn. A week had passed and her heat remained which meant that she had not conceived a litter of her own pups. Part of her was relieved but there was still the other part that wondered if she was ready to be a mother again. To have her own pups that she could raise and teach things to. After being in Whitestone while Cyril was growing up and helping with him the idea of pups didn't scare her or have the same effect on her so maybe she was in a place she could have her own. She supposed only time would tell for her.

Everly was brought into her mind as she was returning from a hunting mission. She saw the small female and thought to check in on her. Cheedo had noticed the change on her scent that was the tell tale indicator of that was to come for her former packmate. She abandoned the path she was on to go and speak with her.

“Hey Everly,” he called out to her in a friendly tone, “How are you feeling?” She asked trying to not let whatever emotions were swirling inside her come out in her voice. She didn't want her friend to think that she was upset with her for what she'd done. It had been her choice and it wasn't Cheedo's place to judge her, that would be left to Piety and Lorcan. Still she felt just a little envious that the small woman was getting something that Cheedo felt she might want too.

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Lenae didn't even need to think of a response before one slipped loose from her lips.

"It's Lenae."She corrected, gently, with not a hint of malice or resentment. "I'm using my real name now-Everly... was my sister. You would have liked her, she was very clever, had such a good way with words." And she was rambling again, she could have spoken about her sister for an eternity if her lifespan allowed. Alas..."But I'm fine, thank you. Why do you ask?"

It was funny, almost. How eager she was to remain ignorant, blissfully unaware of what she had gotten herself into. Not so long ago she had yearned to change, wanted to be anything but the old Lenae, yet here she was, clinging onto old habits like a safety blanket.

Lenae liked to think she grown at least a  little, that she had shed her less desirable traits like a winter coat but really... who was she kidding? She had rushed headfirst into Odin's company with next to no thought, all those worries about sin and resisting the temptation had all flown out of the window. And she hadn't even staved them off for long, a couple of  weeks at most! She was still an airhead, wasn't she? Just as she'd been told all those years ago. Lenae had never been as sharp or as clever as her siblings and now.... for all she knew she was paying the price for her insolence and foolishness.

"I was thinking about doing something, helping out." She admitted, her slight shoulders moving up and down in a tired shrug.

The small Agouti woman was taken aback a little when Everly or rather Lenae came out with the fact that she wasn't Everly and that was her sister and that Cheedo would like her. This whole admission gave the Agouti woman pause for a moment before she spoke, “Lenae is a pretty name,” she said not angry about having known her as Everly the whole time. “If there is ever the chance to meet your sister I would like to.” Things like meeting new wolves didn't bother Cheedo as much as they used to.

Her head tilted to the side when Lenae said that she was fine and wanted to know why she asked. Clearly the young woman didn't know that she was now with pups. The Agouti sighed, “I guess no one's told you? Your with pups Lenae. That's why your heat is gone and your scent has changed,” hoping that she wouldn't upset the woman with the news.

Those feelings of envy started to well up in the small Agouti again, she had to push them down because what was going in with her friend was more important than what she was feeling. Pups were a big deal and Lenae needed to know so she could take care of herself.

Again she found herself being taken aback by the desire to to do something and the directness which the young woman spoke. It wasn't like her at all. “What were you thinking about doing?” She asked curiously. “If you like I can come along?”

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Lenae should have seen it coming but it hurt nonetheless. Cheedo meant well but it didn't make the pain any easier to deal with. Her smile turned tight, like a taut harp string as she shook her head.

"Everly isn't...with us anymore." That was the lightest way she could think of putting it. Gently, nothing like the end her sister most likely met.

Cheeo's next line of words weren't any nicer, a frown yanked at Lenae's features as her brows drew together. That was- She swallowed thickly as she dismissed her words with a swish of her tail. She didn't want to think of that, especially since it couldn't be true.

Of course, Lenae didn't blame Cheedo for thinking like that, it was an easy conclusion to come to, considering how she smelled-or didn't smell- but it just wasn't the case. Lenae couldn't be with pups-not because she didn't know how the process worked (ish)- but because someone as broken and as wretched as her just wasn't capable of that sort of thing. Last season proved that.

Still, it was hard to put into words. Lenae didn't want to say that Cheedo was wrong, that would be so rude, so she pursed her lips as she wriggled her nose, almost like a bunny.

"I...Anyway, I was thinking of maybe seeing if there were any borrows around. I'm not very good at hunting big things, but I'm fast- maybe not as before, but it's worth a shot, right?" It was rude to gloss over the topic like that but she couldn't think of anything to say! She hoped Cheedo wasn't too offended.

Sorry about her.

The news of Lenae’s sister was unexpected and she immediately felt badly for what she had said. Her gaze fell to look at her paws as she shifted uncomfortablely. “I'm sorry Lenae, I didn't know,” she finally said looking up at the woman. How could she since she'd only just found out that the entire time she'd known the other she hadn't even known her real name. Cheedo couldn't help but wonder if the others knew her secret, was she the last to know?

This line of thought brought on all sorts of other questions and the doubts she had been feeling about everything. How much did she really know about these wolves she thought of as family. Had she made a mistake in following them to this place? Was that moment she shared with Piety after Ody left even real? Did they all just tolerate her because she had pathetically followed them believing that she was helping them? Her breathing quickened as all of this came crashing down on her. She didn't need these thoughts on top of all the others that had been on her mind since Ody and Odin. She suddenly felt the desire to run as far away from this place as she could.

She had looked away from the woman as her mind raced with all of the realizations. There was still Lenae though and the fact that she was going to have pups and she said nothing about it instead going on to talk about what she wanted to do to help and the Agouti woman’s mouth nearly fell open. This was not something that could just be ignored of all wolves she knew what could happen it had happened to her. The image of her dead pups just laying lifeless on the den floor caused tears to prickle at her eyes. She couldn't help but feel that this wolf in front of her didn't deserve the tiny little lives growing inside of her.

A low growl rumbled in her throat, “You can't ignore this Lenae, you have to start taking care of yourself or you’ll lose them.” How could this woman who stated that everything she touched died and she was willing to put her own children in danger. “I know what it's like to have your children die before they even have a chance at life. Do you think you can have that on your paws, that you can live through that pain?”

It had taken her three years to get to where she was and all of that work was being threatened as she felt less and less like her life really meant anything.

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Lenae didn't understand. It was as though someone had flicked a switch inside Cheedo's brain, one moment she had been kind and sincere the next it looked as though- Lenae didn't recognise her anymore. Resentment gleamed in Cheedo's eyes as a growl rumbled from the base of her throat. Instinctively Lenae took a step back and then another till she almost tripped over her own paws in her haste to get away.

Lenae was well aware of how changeable people could be, that they could all be smiles and sunshine one moment then the next they were anything but kind, cruel even. Lenae couldn't even hear the care in her words anymore, all she felt was bitterness and rage- emotions that would make her shrink away even on her best days. What she didn't understand though was why she was doing this, why she thought snarling and snapping would help. Lenae had thought... she'd trusted Cheedo with all she had, considered her one of her closest friends, family, she'd never thought that Cheedo could be like this, could be so terrifying.

Lenae shook her head so fast her vision span. She couldn't even hear Cheedo's venomous words, her ears were pinned so tight against her skull all she heard was the racing of her pulse, the increasingly panicked voice in her mind telling her to run and never look back. She just needed this to end, for Cheedo to stop, for things to go back to the way they were. But clearly it was too late, Cheedo hated her, feelings like that didn't just go away, even after the dust settled. Things would never be the same again.

"I can't." She whimpered, her whole form shaking and trembling as she kept backpedalling. "Please don't."

Cheedo was afraid for the lives of the puppies growing inside of Lenae and the woman herself. She had been there she knew what it was to lose her children. The feelings that maybe it had been something she'd done. It had taken her some time to understand that it had to been her that was the cause of her children’ deaths. It didn't make the pain go away or the blame.

She had to make the girl understand that she was making a bad decision in choosing to ignore what she'd been told. The small Agouti woman feeling so strongly had let herself get carried away. She could see as Lenae backed away from her and the words that came from her mouth that she needed to get control of her emotions at least for now.

“Lenae please listen to me,” she nearly pleaded her tone softened, “You don't want to go through losing them it took me so long to accept the death of my children and I don't want that for you. Please let me help you I care too much about you to let you go through that.” She tried to reason with her as she took a step toward her the expression on her face softened as a tear fell down her cheek as she thought of what could happen if Lenae didn't see that she had to face this. “Your my friend and I only want the best for you so please let me be that friend and help you through this. Please.”

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There is a rabbit's nest nearby. +1 Health

No soft words or pleases were going to turn this situation around. It was scary how changeable Cheedo was, how she could go from zero to one hundred in a second. Yes, maybe she was just trying to help, maybe her intentions were good but as things were it didn't like she was being helped. If anything, it was an attack, each 'kind' word was a blow, hit after hit till Lenae could take no more.

Her throat felt tight, her airways constricted, as her legs wobbled, threatening to collapse beneath her weight. It didn't even register in her mind that Cheedo was upset or that she was even crying- there were few if any solid thoughts roaming around in Lenae's mind. There was nothing but panic, rising and rising till she felt bile in the back of her mouth, till her heart hurt as it thundered in her chest, beating against her ribs as though it wanted to break free. She was cold, shivering so violently she felt faint. Just a little at first but oh...her paws were going numb, it started at the tips of her toes and coiled around her paws till it felt as though she was walking on air.

Help. Lenae looked up slowly, as a brief flicker of confusion tried to shove its way through the crowd of 'no no nos' in her mind. She took a step back and then another, wheezing as air became increasingly difficult to come by. She needed- she just needed...Lenae didn't know, it was hard to articulate so Lenae did the only thing she could: she ran.

Lenae exits