Again, sorry for the length. Please do not feel you have to match it.
She'd had enough of Atyigin thinking he knew everything, all he knew was what others had told him. She had lashed out in anger grabbing his muzzle which had angered the pale leader to where he stepped between them. She let herself be shoved away from the chocolate male but once again he could not hold his tongue and he would not listen. He didn't even want to try and understand which pushed her to believe that he was just like her brother. Another one of those wolves that could not take blame for their actions and could not accept that maybe they had been the one to do something wrong. He was a hypocrite just like Alek and she was done just like she was with her brother.
Ayti's words didn't leave her unscathed though as the anger faded a sense of defeat washed over her. It was made worse as Lachesis spoke and she realized that he too had not listened and that anything she had said was disregarded. He too could not consider that he might have been wrong in some of the situations that she had spoken of. The Baranski looked to Lilya hoping she might be a voice of reason, that maybe she as a mother could understand. Lilya seemed to be much more understanding than the men. She voiced how worried they had been and that she understood how Inna felt losing everyone. She nodded that she understood what Lilya was saying. “I don't know maybe I would have talked more if I had felt that it would have mattered? That what I have been through I mean. Sometimes it often felt like it didn't matter that I had lost my mom, that I couldn't be upset about her death,” she looked at her paws, “I realize I am much older than Risaela but I saw her die too. I mean that is horrible for a pup to see but everyday I live with wondering what I could have done different to save her. I'm big enough and old enough. I should have moved faster done something to save her. I'm not saying that what happened to me is worse than what happened to Risa I just...I'm just trying to help you understand,"
Inna then went to Lilya and brushed her muzzle under the woman's chin, “I am sorry you lost your son. I don't know what I would do if I lost Oksana and I can't possibly imagine the pain losing him has brought you.” She turned her head to Lachesis an expression on her features that said she meant that for him too.
The words that poured from Lachesis maw brought her back to the conversation they'd been having. She didn't know if she could believe the what he said as she returned to her previous place. His actions told otherwise. He's assumed the meaning behind her behaviors, he's assumed she had a problem with being punished and he's assumed she has this sense of entitlement. She had tried to explain everything to tell them the truth about everything. She was trying to make things better and again she was shut down.
No, it was clear that their opinions of her had changed that her whole life had now become a big joke to them. She had to wonder if she was even a fit mother for her daughter anymore. Inna’s gaze went to the last place she had seen Oksana as she'd run away. Tears had started to fall from her eyes at the thought that it might be best to give Oksana to someone better, who could teach her to be better than her mother. Alek, Lorcan, Ayti, and even Lachesis had made it clear that she wasn't a good mother no matter how hard she tried.
She turned back to Lachesis as he continued to speak. “I understand Lachesis,” she said quietly, “I am sorry that I didn't tell you that I was leaving, you're right I should have.” She left it at that because trying to explain herself any further was pointless. They would think what they wanted to think and she didn't feel there was anything to do to change that. “I will accept any punishment you deem necessary for my actions without complaint.” She also understood that because she was the only one telling the truth in the matter of what happened at the Rye border she had to be lying. She at least now knew for sure the name of the wolf that has ruined her life.
She did not doubt that he had listened to both sides that much had been made clear but he had chosen to listen to someone from another pack who clearly had it out for her. He had chosen to believe him over her who he says he sees as family. She had to wonder just how that was possible. Did he treat his family as he had treated her? Was that why his son and daughter had left Hearthwood and not come back? “I understand why you punished me but I remain firm that I did not do what Reyes says I did. If I had done what he said I would have told you when I did it.” She expected he wouldn't believe that either and could only hope that one day Lachesis would see she had been telling the truth the whole time.
She felt Lachesis was blind to many things, her brothers real nature. What he truly thought of the wolves of Hearthwood and their parents. All of the awful things he’d said about their parents over their graves. The fact that Reyes seemed to have a mission to destroy her and she had no doubt that if he would he would end her. The pale leader didn't see that and didn't seem keen on protecting her or defending her. His friendships were more important to him than her who he says he considered a daughter. She wondered if Lachesis would even be angry with Reyes if he did something to her, would he even care?
Again she was reminded of just how insignificant she was to him as he spoke if having a family and a pack to take care of after her mother had died. That he was grieving, she knew he was grieving, she had sat in that riverbank with him only days later offering him comfort and reassuring him that he would do well with the pack. However, as she lay in her den he couldn't even come by and make sure she was still alive, he clearly cared so much about her. “I am sorry I feel I have expected too much of you Lachesis and I was wrong to do so. I feel you are right in that I misunderstood where I stood in the pack and I assure you I will keep my place in mind in the future.” Inna did understand perfectly where she stood and she would work to make sure that he knew she did understand.
“I did not mean to imply that you did say that about her I guess I was confused because when everyone found out about her they called her a burden. It seems I may have taken that the wrong way?” She didn't think that she had but it was possible since she seemed to be wrong about a lot of things. “I never had an issue with my punishments and I never asked for special treatment. I don't expect to get away with everything I do wrong. Why would I punish myself for breaking pack law if I had a problem with being punished?” Her voice rose a little as she said this and as soon as she realized her mistake she tried to remedy it, “I'm sorry I shouldn't have used that tone.”
It also seemed that they could not understand her reasons and fears when it came to keeping Oksana's father to herself. It was still considered a lie but she didn't understand why. Her mother had kept the father of her children to herself and she hadn't been regarded a liar. “So because I am a subordinate I was supposed to divulge who Oksana's father was?” She asked because she truly didn't understand the difference and the fact that her mother was an alpha was the only thing that made sense. “I'm just trying to understand,” she clarified.
She has offered for her and Oksana to leave if the pack wanted them too. Inna knew she'd caused a lot of trouble in the past year. That she had not been the pack member that she should have and she let her grief and problems affect her duties and her daughter. She knew she had a decision to make and in end Oksana made it an easy choice to make. “I don't feel welcome here,” she stated her orange gaze fixed on the plane leader, “I haven't for awhile and I became selfish and let me own grief cause problems for the pack. For that I am sorry. For a time I lost sight of what was important which is Oksana. As it was before after I found out I was pregnant with her I need to put my feelings aside and ensure that she has a safe place to grow up and friends around her that love and care for her. Hearthwood is her home and I don't want to rip her away from it. Maybe in time the pack will come to trust and respect me again.” She didn't know if she could believe that the pack wasn't against her, not yet anyway but she nodded at Lilya's words.
(This post was last modified: Dec 06, 2017, 03:57 AM by Inna.)